WH and OW did a lot of texting. He texted while he was holding my hand while I was driving. I always wondered why he tilted the screen away from me. He texted sitting next to me on the couch. He texted after we were intimate and I went downstairs so he could "go to bed." He texted first thing in the morning. He texted during DD's hockey practice. He texted and texted and texted. This morning I texted him and it took him an hour to get back to me. I know he is at work. I know he is busy. I know he is doing a dangerous job. I know that he has to pay attention. I know that no matter where you work that it looks bad to be on the phone. I know all that. It makes absolute sense. It still pisses me the fuck off. It still makes me feel unimportant. It still makes me think that he could remember to look a his phone every single minute to see if OW texted but he can't think to do that every 15 minutes for me. It makes me feel like she was more special. It doesn't help that in his unremorseful just regretful stage that he would yell at me for needing him and texting him too much. Gah...this is not how I pictured my life.
I'm sorry hon
Pisses me off to no end.
I'll tell you, though. Reading your vent helped me. I hope it helps you.
So every time he texted it was a huge trigger, and it was one for a long damn time, esp when he seemed to be hiding the screen from me, and that meant just sitting accross the room, not doing it on purpose.
Just remember, his texts to her were based out in the land of unicorns rainbows, and glitter. NOT in reality, hell that was part of the draw. He CHOOSES to be with you. HE CHOOSES to stay in your home, sleep wiht YOU, have sex with YOU, be YOUR husband. So remember if he isn't texting you back it's because he's back in the land of reality, and can't. Please share this trigger with him, so he knows when you text that a simple smiley face lets you know he is thinking of you, and is too busy to engage in much more. This helped me through it a lot. Before emoticons we would just send each other our own smoochie faces :)(: just to let each other know we were thinking of one another, and it took like 2 seconds to do.
Work through it together, and remember, he chose you.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 1:17 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]
I have moved on from this a bit lately though. I look at what they had as unreal, which it was. Nothing to it, no foundation, built on lies, deceit, and justification. They had nothing but a bullshit fantasy relationship.
Concentrate on what you have now. I still ask many questions, but I follow it up with trying to build a better us and me. Being committed to a better marriage, a better me, a better her is now what it is all about. I found out quickly that no matter what, she still may hurt me again in the future. Is it worth it? I am trusting that she won't do it again. I love her and want to stay with her. I don't want what we had, I want better. There is no sense in living in the A's shadows forever. I can't keep punishing my spouse forever for her transgressions.
I have read a lot of your posts and know you still struggle mightily. I can't tell you how you should mourn or deal with your grief, but I hope for the best for you and your WH. I know you love him and from reading his posts he truly loves you. Good luck.
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
I have this too. He texted them ALL the time. Me, not so much. He sexted ALL the time. I don't get a response even to innuendo. I get no xxx or I love you's or hey sexy's...hurts hurts hurts. I think he is embarrassed that he ever did that, I'm hurt that he'll do that for others but not me.
I found myself standing outside the en-suite at 5am listening to see if he was texting whilst on the loo...what has happened to me?
Trigger central today...sigh
Sending you calm thoughts and strength x
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
Personally, I think that though that may be right, it's a B.S. reason for not having the dating/wooing attitude towards the BS if you're attempting R. You don't get even a tiny ego boost when your BS responds? The WS's love the the BS isn't deep enough that when they do these little acts of love, they don't feel even better knowing they are helping to heal their BS's heart? We can't be valued at least as much as the false ego boost they got from the OP?
It's been over a year since DDay but I'm left feeling like those important times of our lives meant so little to him. It's hard to believe now that he appreciates his family when he showed so much disregard for two years.
Do you really want him texting you all the time? for me that's a major trigger and I don't have that much idle time anyway.
He knows how I feel and he no longer texts. At ALL. Occasionally I text him something along the lines of "need bread" - he calls in person to respond.
Oh and emoticons - I have a simlar trigger - "xoxo" He knows to NEVER write that to me (he writes little love notes to me every morning)...they are signed "I love you" - no x's no o's.
Hugs, TCD.. you have been heard and many of us can relate.
Edited to remove hug emoticon...sorry.
[This message edited by Lalagirl at 9:02 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)]