I was talking to a friend about this, and for me, ex is like a buzzing fly to me. In the background, low noise that I easily ignore. Every now and then, the fly bites and it surprises me..I swat him away and then he goes back to background noise.
I feel like I compartmentalize him because I just don't want to deal with the crap he throws any longer. It is just annoying. I forget he is…around. I could so easily never speak or see him again and it wouldn't bother me. I feel almost weird at how little I think about him…my IC confirmed I've simply moved on.
Ya know, I actually prefer that he isn't at the school meetings, he spends his time trying to get everyone to believe he is this great, active Dad. Last meeting, he called in like a conference call, which worked…but this time he was too busy at work. Without divulging what he does, he couldn't get away and I know that. We do communicate 95% of the time via text/email. This was, really, just that big of a deal. It needed to be discussed in person.
I know he snapped at me because of his own issues. It is like when guys "poof", it affects me…but it isn't really about ME. I took it personally for about 24 hours, then saw it for what it is. He is hurting that his kids called him on his shit…so he blamed me. I just need to learn to recognize it faster when he attacks me. I was emotional after the school meeting, and he hit me when I was vulnerable.
I'm a big girl, it is behind me now. If he pushes the "family counseling", I will deal with it.
me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings