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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sadness has hit hard
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm obsessed with this place and relationship advice online and books about boundaries, infidelity, love, forgiveness, resilience, vulnerability etc etc
A compulsion to gain knowledge. To be the best and most informed me possible

Won't undo anything though, will it?

I don't want this crushing reality


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one wants this. Not even the WS really. Mine started online cheating in small steps and was sucked into a whirling vortex of deceit and lies that nearly destroyed our marriage.

There are better times ahead. I always believe this. If your WS is committed to openness and truly sorry and your bond is not too badly damaged, there is hope for a rebirth to your marriage.

I believe mine is so I hope for better days, months and years of marriage.

I was not the most attentive spouse before my wife's OEA, not excusing her, she knows what she did was horrendous, but this also woke me up to being a better husband.

Better days are ahead. Believe.


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 143 | Registered: Nov 2013
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you bob
I do believe better days are ahead. We are already better in many ways
But I'm so broken hearted.


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, me too marathon (about obsessing about relationship & infidelity reading.) We are going to be so wise!

No - nothing can be undone. That is the sad fact. I struggle with acceptance daily, and am nowhere near there, totally. But, I see glimpses of it. Some days I have whole hours where I think I see what acceptance looks like.

So, although we can't undo what has been done, can we have better lives, and better marriages after this? Yes. Absolutely. Lots of people here that are much further along will tell you that. Does it hurt like a m-f? (Sorry.) Yes. It does.

Hang in there. The clouds will pass.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2055 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob, I'm right there with you. My WW fell IN LOVE with her soul mate online. I don't want to come to this site sometimes because I read about all the WS who actually want to work things out. Mine could care less.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
TennisTC
♀ Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this exact same post Marathon. I've read countless books and I think I've googled every term/combination of terms for infidelity and affairs possible. It helps to know that others are feeling the same way and that I'm not alone.


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 167 | Registered: Nov 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry Marathon. I can relate to those feelings.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to this as well. I was like this in the beginning although it is wearing off now. The quest for knowledge about A's. I believe it is a way we feel we can gain some control of the situation, by understanding it.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Marathonwaseasy)))

I have read 17-20 infidelity books, $3-4k on counseling and a weekend retreat, lots of SI activity, talking with my pastor plus a real life friend.....so I reall understand your post.

If it helps....feeling more sad than usual too today.

You are on a specific prayer list I keep. I have faith this is helping. Part of the actual prayer is for courage. This journey is not for the faint of heart. You are strong...but this journey is too tough to be a solo trek. God understands the struggle that is adultery. Even on lesser burdens we are called to support one another.

We have your back....post often, especially when doubt and fear start to take hold.

Peace to us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:52 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3950 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

15 months out.....and I, too, can go for hours without thinking about the pain. I still spontaneously cry, but have gone almost 4 days since I did that.........so time and work is paying off!!

Hang in there kid!


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3950 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to research all sorts of random things in depth. I would joke that I reached "then end of the internet" . Well, due to the A I have discovered a whole new world, acronyms, and people. Love the people, hate the actual new world.

It is obsessive. I started with affair & marriage books and research, now I am onto meditation, happiness, and balance.

I'm 5 months from DDAY and I noticed that the A thoughts cease, but my mind isn't 100% focused on it, maybe only 99%. I will take that as a win for me.

Send you strength and hugs!

[This message edited by ILINIA at 7:05 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2013
jesurvis
♂ New Member
Member # 41075
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it sounds hard, but does anybody else go to YouTube and search for touching videos to cry and get it out of the system? I particularly like the ones with returning soldiers from Iraq or Afghanistan where the wife is so excited to see them back.

I am in a particularly difficult week after starting IC. Everything is back...


Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 12

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