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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She is still waiting...
Linus1968
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I mentioned a few minutes ago about the WW not filing. Here is what I don't get.
This part just copied and paste of the post I wrote a few minutes ago. But, I felt it needed its own post.

Quick recap, she called divorce May 11, 2010, I moved out 2 weeks later. Waited for papers. Saturday after Thanksgiving 2010 "I am pregnant". Wait for papers. Finally, Sept 2012, I am able to let go (hope of family staying together was there). Now I hope she files. I wait for the holidays to pass, I start asking for papers. "Yep, I will get them to you." Every 10 days I ask "where are the papers?" "Working on them." Ok. Then, my life goes into panic mode (Probably pretty mild to some, but nonetheless, my drama in my life). Van breaks down several times, a melanoma scare (Got it. Nothing to worry). My son is failing high school, my daughter has really become a teenager.
So, no papers, money is scarce (with van repairs and Dr. visits), I will be using my tax money to pay for the lawyer (Coming soon), plus, once again, I will wait for Christmas and such.

Ok, when the latest iPhone iOS came out, my son's phone was messing up. He was receiving all of the messages from everyone in our family plan (I am still in that plan). My STBX, mine, the STBX's BF, DD's, everyone. I grabbed his phone to figure it out. I see a text message from the OM that said "Love you, hot babe" and "can't wait for our vacation." It did not bother me. It really didn't. My DD was showing me on Facebook a picture that STBX had on her Facebook of my kids. I glanced down, and notice a post "Eating sushi with my honey...". That did not bother me.

What is so weird, is she is sitting on this paperwork when, obviously, at some level, the OM and her are emotionally, physically, sexually, and every other-ly attached to each other. They are saying things and posting their love for each other to the world, and yet, no papers. Why does she not file if they are in love? Why am I the one to do the heavy work? It is just weird.

I am going to file. I kind of hope she does not now, so she will get them from me. It will be cool. And to have a lawyer to divert all of her questions to him will be worth the price of admission. "Talk to my lawyer. Here's his number." I am only telling her once, crickets after.
She makes 4 times more than me, so if I have to file, I am going after all I can. Before, it would have only been child support. Now, money for school, she will pay my lawyer fees, and anything else he can get. I am going to make it worth my while. I can't wait till this is over.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 238 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
mandan66
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bro---I had the same sitch. If I had waited for her to file, I'd still be waiting. Most likely, yours is waiting because she knows she's going to be paying out, and the longer she waits, the better, since there won't be any retroactive payments. Her boyfriend is probably encouraging her to put it off also. If I were you, I'd file tomorrow.


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, had I not filed and pushed my divorce along, I'd probably still be married. He moved directly from my house in with OW and claims to be planning marriage and babies with her. He threatened me with divorce daily for months and did nothing. So I took care of it (like everything else, because he's a man child). He also dragged out our divorce much longer than needed all because he wouldn't do the parenting class.

I don't get it. I don't know if it's some twisted way if keeping us on the backburner, just in case things don't work out for them. Or maybe it's their inability to face the damage they've caused? I don't know.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 879 | Registered: Mar 2013
Linus1968
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mandan66, Newlysingle, I have thought about all of those things.
Mandan, she is paying now. I don't know if the CS ends up more if she would have to pay the difference from the past payments, I don't know. My thing, if she is paying, why not get it done?
I don't think the OM knows the truth, or if he even cares. I would think he would, but than that means she may be lieing and saying I am dragging my feet. If that is true, I would love to be a fly on the wall when the sheriff shows up with papers.
Maybe I am on the back burner. Which would make her more screwed up in the head.
I think it is the guilt of what she has done. If she files, it will be her fault. If I file, "well, he filed".
The fact is, it is mind boggling. I will never understand. I did ask before, and she text me "I don't know. I would started in them and get overwhelmed and put them on the back burner. and yes time is a factor, I work A LOT and the last thing I want to do on my off time is paperwork, I didn't not do it to hinder you in anyway."
If I knew what is up, you all would be praying to me.
I just can't wait to be able to file. It is going to be a good day.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 5:29 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 238 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to file too. She wanted me to so she could play the victim to everyone who would listen. After I filed, she dragged her feet on signing papers, on disclosing information... The stupid divorce ended up taking a lot longer than it should have.

Posts: 1657 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He threatened me with divorce daily for months and did nothing. So I took care of it (like everything else, because he's a man child). He also dragged out our divorce much longer than needed

Yup, same story. Almost 4 frigging years!

I don't know if it's some twisted way if keeping us on the backburner, just in case things don't work out for them. Or maybe it's their inability to face the damage they've caused?

And maybe a little of this.

FTB. File & take as much as you can from her.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Food for thought for me. I had planned on letting (making) her file. I need her health insurance. That's the only reason. I'm not sick but I'm cautious. I've got the assets separated. Including the refi on the house. Plus I'm moving out if state soon. She can deal with the legal shit. But if she stalls I'll come back and nuke her. Thanks for the post Linus


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 736 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Linus1968
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And to even make this more weird, we did not have a house, or any major assets to fight over. All of her income is 1099s. My have a job, so I cover me and my kids for health insurance. I mean a case may be made for my 401k, but she has nothing, nor do I. Her BF owns his house, but, of course, she has no right to it, because they are not married. They have a kid together, which is legally mine by Florida law.

Anyway, each scenario has it case, but, as I said, it is just weird.

And Vulcanized, I hope it does not take another 4 years. I am sick of being alone. I am ready to date, and being still LEGALLY married, I just can't do it yet.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 9:02 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 238 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was the same. I think it makes them feel better when the BS files. In their sick minds they can play victim and say to their friends "He D me" No mention of the A mind you. And I agree with Mandan. The OM is not going to push her to file. Because he does not have to deal with her wanting to M him as long as she stays M to you. It says a lot about their relationship huh ? In my case my XWW was going around telling people she was already D. When the fact was we were still legally M. But she never lifted a finger to actually get things started. I did that and I don't regret it. My biggest mistake was waiting to file. I guess in the back of my mind I thought she would perhaps change. But that never happened. I made it worse by filing when she was between OM. All of a sudden she wanted everything. So it took quite a bit of negotiating to attain a settlement we both could live with. If I filed when she was in A fantasyland I'm positive she would have settled much sooner and for much less. They are much more agreeable while they have their head up their ass. After the OM dumps them they become angry. And trust me they take it out on you. Good luck bro.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5615 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 9

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