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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Another Friday night alone....
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Helpless  Posted: 2:08 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....I love my 15 month old daughter....I do. But, for some reason....I have good weeks and bad weeks when I'm always coming home alone with my child without any REAL adult interaction in the evenings. My sister is always in a rush to get us out when I come to pick my daughter up... and most of my friends are busy in the evenings.

I just miss having someone to come home to. Someone to share my day with. Someone to have dinner with. Someone to just share life with. I love sharing my life with my daughter... but its just not always the same.

And, right now....I'm sitting at my desk in tears...dreading another Friday night at home alone. Routine. Boring. Alone. Forever.

I hate this.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Shellyybeanz)))) you won't be alone forever....


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not that it helps to take the sting away, but I'm in the same boat as you tonight. My son is going to be with Ms. Wonderful tonight, so it's going to be a quiet cold (-20 C) night in my neck of the woods. My only company will be my trusty puppy.

(((Shellybeanz)))


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ya'll....

I know I won't be technically alone alone....cause my daughter will be with me.... but I just miss someone...ANYONE to talk to. I am dreading going home. I would rather cut my right arm off right now. I am such an extravert by nature.... and as much as I can take being alone....it gets to me sometimes.

Tonight is one of those times.

I go home every night and do the same routine....make dinner for both of us...play/tickle time....then shower/bath time....story time....and bedtime routine...and then I spend a couple of hours every night by myself after she goes to bed.

Most nights I welcome that solo time....and revel in it to indulge in adult TV shows that I've DVR'd....but tonight I am just feeling this overwhelming wave of loneliness washing over me.... and I'm dreading the routine tonight.

I'm going on a year and a half single now....which I know is a drop in the bucket for some....but its the longest I've been single (not in a relationship since.....gosh...before my 1st boyfriend at the age of 18! I don't mind being single most of the time....

I just miss the companionship.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just miss the companionship.

TOTALLY get it.

I'm one of those people that feel things do happen for a reason, and when it's time for you to meet your man, he will cross paths with you.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm one of those people that feel things do happen for a reason, and when it's time for you to meet your man, he will cross paths with you.

I used to think I was one of those people that thought this way....everyone says...."You are pretty....smart...blah blah blah.... you won't be single forever" but what if I am? What if there is no guy out there for me.... what if the SPCA and all 30 of their cats are meant to be my next companions.....

I think that's my biggest fear. Never meeting a "decent" guy. Never being in the right place at the right time because I'm just so damned busy all the time. Being alone. Forever. Or worse....having broken relationships forever. Of which, I would rather be alone.

At least being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship. I know this much anyways.... But, it doesn't make days like this any easier....

I hate being your token "good girl" who can't have a FWB without having my emotions tied in. I wish I could have that "once in a blue moon" companion guy that I see and enjoy the company of once a month and be content with just those few moments....but alas.... I want more. I want it all....or nothing at all.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:25 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have every other Friday alone, though I typically do that by choice because I'm really tired at the end of a long week. It does feel sad to me because the house is so quiet, but I try to luxuriate in that. I get caught up on the TV shows I missed during the week, will have something "fun" for dinner that night, sometimes I'll do my nails (nice way to pretty up your hands, very cheap to do, will probably help you with your nailbiting habit), and I'll save all of my catalogs and magazines for browsing through until then. I try to reserve the quiet activities I get pleasure out of until that night, so it takes the sting away from that time.

It would be nice to have that "someone," but since I don't, I want to enjoy the alone time I have rather than dread it. I hope you can think of some nice things to do so that you can transform your Friday nights.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Until you shed yourself of your self-imposed stigma of "what if I am going to be single forever" and learn to embrace life for what it is and not pining for what you want it to be, you are going to have this unhealthy reaction to your current situation.

I get the wanting companionship and adult interaction. Totally. But you can make a lot of that on your own. Gather up some chums and do a rotating Friday night dinner. Kids are brought in pjs with sleeping bags and the adults sit around the kitchen table while the wee ones watch a video. Trade babysitting with a friend to have nights out.

I am in a relationship and I am tickled to death to be home alone tonight. I am relaxing in MY way in MY space and will get up and have MY Saturday morning.

Until you embrace this life and make it your bitch, you are going to feel like this. Turn the tables and make it work for you.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29543 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cat - your advice is great. However, it is easy to give when you are a relationship. Those of us that are single do not have the option to call our SO tomorrow when we get tired of being alone and want some companionship. And let's face it - hanging with chums is not a replacement for that type of comfort and nurturing. At all...

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9175 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shellybeanz,

I totally get it. I have DS16 100% of the time. During the week, its not so bad, school for him, dinners, homework etc. But the weekends. He has his friends and I don't "have" to do anything.

And for me winters are the worse. During spring, summer and early fall, I am busy outside doing things that I can do alone. There is not much during the winter (nothing outside) that I like to do. So I am BORED. And there can be days that I don't talk to adults.

I used to try to fill my days shopping just to get out (during the cold), but that is even boring now!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 673 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly....its not the same thing hanging out with my friends. AND....the friend I had made plans with tonight cancelled on me, so its not like I don't make plans with friends. I do. I hang out with my friends as much as I can and their schedules allow....but they are older and have responsibilities, kids, and lives of their own. I tried to get my bestie to hang out but she is out with some quality time with her husband tonight (which I totally understand!) HELL....when I was married I LOVED my alone time and reveled in it because my XWH was a fireman! He was gone 3 full days a week and I LOVED it because I got tons of alone time and healthy time apart! I thought that was great! But, when you have been single going on 2 years....its not the same thing...and I can go a week or 2 where its the same routine every night with no adult interaction except with coworkers.

I do like the idea that one of the other ladies suggested of putting some stuff off until Friday nights...and I might try that. Save some of my favorite DVR'd shows until tonight.....paint my toenails (which look hideous right now btw) or look through some holiday catalogs.

I don't feel lonely ALL THE TIME.... I just have bouts of it. Most of the time, I embrace it and deal with it. But, I am human. I will have moments of weakness where I miss having an SO.... miss having just ANYONE to talk with at night. Its just human nature to want to be around other people. At least for me anyways.

But alas....I digress. I'm here....in my nightgown... watching TV and relaxing at home on a Friday night. Its not that big of a deal. Tomorrow is another day.....and I've planned a big day including taking my daughter to the local Christmas parade in the morning followed by getting her a cupcake at the local "Viva la Cupcake" store nearby and meeting up with 2 of my friends there and then going to see the new Hunger Games movie that afternoon!!

I was just having "one of those days" .... that's all.

I do kinda like making life my bitch though Cat....hehe...makes me wanna go buy a whip!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:56 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She11,

Like other people said, you are not alone here. Friday and weekend are the worst for me too when I have three little ones to take care.

Just one of those days, nothing you can do to change it, all we know we will feel better tomorrow morning, but at least you can post here to share with all of us. We hear ya.

Everyone said it will get better, we choose to believe that as otherwise how we are going to move on and have hope.

(((She11)))


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks blackhair....I will take all the hugs I can get!

Sometimes its the day in and day out routine....that runs from the week into the weekend that sucks. I used to look forward to the weekend.... and I think this weekend kinda sucked too cause my running team is running a local half marathon in my town and I can't do it because I'm still recovering from recurring bronchitis and trying to watch my funds as well. So it was kinda a double whammy this weekend I think....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could always bundle up Piper and go cheer some of your running friends on tomorrow in the half marathon (depending on how cold it is by you) or go by yourself if you have a sitter. Then you still get to hang out and chat with them after but you're not sweaty and chilled!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3271 | Registered: Dec 2011
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been alone physically since June. I am
Now in my own place since Oct 7. Still hv
No one to hold, touch, eat with on an adult level either.
I have my son.
But I'm right there with you. DS has 2 of his
Friends over tonite. Still alone. I've not been alone
Since 1995. I so understand.

We won't be alone forever.

Hugs Shellyb


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We won't be alone forever.

Thank you.... I hope not.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you too.

I think what's hard for you is that you feel alone even with your DD there. I totally get that too. That's because she's not old enough yet to be a little companion. She can't have conversations yet and she doesn't have her own opinions yet, at least not beyond tantrums. That's hard. You are alone with her a lot of the time and I can't imagine being a full time single mom with a baby. It's bad enough with young school aged kids, but babies and toddlers are a whole different kind of hard.

But one day, you will blink and she will be that little person who is more than just someone who requires 100% care. The bond will be more than you can imagine when your Fridays will turn into movie nights with her where you both get in your pjs, snuggle under blankets, eat popcorn, and Piper's attention span can handle more than 30 minutes. She will one day do her nails with you and she will want to brush your hair and make cupcakes. There is a whole world of not being lonely when this baby turns into a little girl. I know it's not immediate, but it's coming.

Until then, don't over think the whole SO thing. Of course you won't be alone forever. You won't. Your life will change and evolve over time and of course an SO or two will come along. We are all afraid of having to endure another shit show of a relationship. That's a risk, but your picker and your view of your self will be much different when an SO comes along. That's another way you will evolve.

It was just one of those nights. They suck and give you that crappy, kicked in the gut feeling. But you got through and it sounds like today will be a great day full of activity.

As long as you're here, you're not ever totally alone.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2712 | Registered: Jan 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get where Shelly is coming from. I have a great life, job, family, and friends.

But my life involves a lot of alone time. It's hard. I tell myself that I won't be alone forever, but it's been5 years already, and nothing has really changed, despite my attempts.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It reminds me of when I went to get my annual girl exam done and I got in a discussion with the nurse that turned kinda personal....and at the time talked about being single 8 months (this was last year) and she "basically" said, "Honey, I've been on the bus over a decade!" And, it made me want to cry....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know about you Shelly but I was so damn lonely in that M - I ached for company even when my moody biiiiiartch fuckwit of a husband was snoring on the couch right next to me.

I'm alone now but I don't feel lonely. But I do have 50% of my life to myself so that does make a difference.

It will get better as she gets older. Are their other mums in your neighbourhood who would barter Fri or Sat night sleepovers with you? Piper might be a little young for that right now but in time it will become an option.

When I was in the thick of my rock bottom and not fit for the outside world I would invite a friend or two over for dinner/movie and a few vinos. I needed to have normal banter to start feeling like myself again. It also helped turn down the volume on my internal monologue that was non-stop for those first few months. It was exhausting.

I didn't miss having someone in the evenings as I really missed having time all by myself. I did miss waking up with someone though.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5455 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
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