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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LetMeRollIt and Sal

Yes, feeling pretty positive right now, but I am not so naive to think it's all roses from here on out. Still I'll take it and be thankful with a couple of caveats.

I posted in the sex addiction forum concerning my wife.

Some of her behaviors had/have me worried of problems down the line.

Still I feel positive and I am hoping that if it stays this way I might sleep more than 4 hours a night for a change.

I have lost 15 pounds since 4 Oct. which is a feat considering how much I had been drinking (not a drop today at least) and not sleeping is making me cranky. It's just sometimes I wake up thinking my wife might talk in her sleep and I have a panic attack since it is related to how I figured out who her main AP was.


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice, Bob. I see myself in you 13 years ago. I also have a remorseful WW and HB - I wouldn't be able to navigate this shit without them. No SI at that time and I did a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have done (nothing major - I just wish I had drawn the line and made the ultimatum earlier; also gather more info before confronting, etc.) but we made it.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1160 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob, congrats on at least seeing some emotion from your wife and her having remorse on it. Don't let it fool you but it can be a good sign.

As an update, everyone knows I exposed my wife on Facebook on Tuesday with the photos of her and OM at a race they were at together. Yesterday I had posted this from the "Just Found Out" Thread;

"...As such, there are a number of principles that one can apply to nearly every affair and they will hold true:
- The affair is not your fault. Your wayward spouse did not have an affair because you weren’t meeting his emotional needs. Your wayward spouse had an affair because he failed to protect himself from his own vulnerabilities. Affairs are rooted in fear and are in no way a reflection of the marriage regardless of whether he blames it on you, the marriage, the other person, your doggy, or anything else under the sun.
- Affairs are the manifestation of a wayward spouse's attempt to medicate his internal fears. Often, the fear is of intimacy or inadequacy and these fears create the barriers preventing him from getting his emotional needs met. A lack of a solid, stable inner core enables the drive for external validation that greases the slope of inappropriate behavior.
- His inappropriate behavior conflicts with the vision he wants to have of himself which drives the necessary lies, denial, and self-deception in order to justify and rationalize his behavior. Your wayward spouse is not under some foreign influence – one must be in command of his faculties to know which lies to tell himself.
- Until your wayward spouse does the necessary introspection to take responsibility for his choices, if he ever does, your marriage will not get better. He needs to resolve why he did this and how to have a healthy, functioning relationship. You are not responsible for his choices, nor for the consequences thereof. This does not, however, absolve you from doing what you can to improve yourself for yourself.
- You cannot control your wayward spouse and, as such, you cannot directly control the outcome. Let your wayward spouse make his own choices, and focus on yourself and your healing. To do so requires setting up boundaries. A boundary is not an expectation for someone else to change, but a conditional requirement for you to change in order to protect your wellbeing. Your own well-being will never interfere with someone else’s.
- There is no quick and easy way out of this. Action is needed to promote a change and there will be risk associated with any action. However, no action will promote no change.
- Fear is the great paralyzer that draws the shadows longer. You must value and protect yourself, in spite of the fear of losing your wayward spouse or enforcing boundaries, because if you don't....all your fears will be realized anyway. The threat of the wayward spouse is a direct affront to your intrinsic value.
- You are always a worthy human being, and this/here is never any reason to conduct yourself, or allow others to force you, in any direction in which your basic merit and rights as a human being are challenged.
- Your goal is not to rebuild the marriage at any cost… your goal is to guide yourself to where you need to be, regardless of the outcome. You cannot directly choose your circumstances, but you can control yourself and indirectly, but surely, create the world you seek.
- You need to look out for yourself and figure out what it is that you want. Do what is best for you and do not compromise on your fundamental beliefs, values, and character. You alone are responsible for writing the chapters in your story.
- Change is inevitable… and you do possess the capacity to rise above it.
- Life will move on… but you gotta move with it.
- You're gonna be okay."

Changing the "his" to "her" and such. Well I got a response from one of her aunt's that she "feels" for me as a parent but loves her niece to pieces. And I should not take to social media for sympathy/etc and that I need to do self reflection and get professional help. I took the post down in case it could be used against me in court (doubt it) but by exposing the affair I have not only embarrassed my wife but also her family for letting it happen! My wife is still unremorseful and has not communicated with me outside of her outburst prior to our hearing on Monday.

I am taking a firm stance now, she has had one month to fuck with my head and it isn't going to happen anymore. It has affected my life to the point of driving me nuts and I can't let that happen as I am looking for a new job/career and need to move on.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great football on TV, rigging lights for boat parade next week, cold Harpoon beer, FWW at work, wearing ratty old shorts and t-shirt. Repaired the mower earlier. IC once asked me how D would make my life different, and I like to think I would have more days like this. One might think I would miss sex or a back scratch once a week or so, but that is too frequent for FWW and not "normal" for people our age (maybe she means her age), so even physical touch would not be a factor. Really, if I were not married I know two women who would come over if I called.

We cannot afford D with her un (under) employed and boys in school, but in a few more years I think I can learn to live really cheap. After all, they cannot give her more than half my savings and earnings.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Atsenaotie

There is a thread over at talkaboutmarriage where high drive and low drive couples complain about their sex lives. One caught my interest. It was a 75 year old couple writing in response to someone around our age (I'm early 50s) complain ing that having sex 3x a week was too much. They have sex every day.

I guess it sucks if you are not well matched. I hope your finances allow you to move on and enjoy. Best of luck.

[This message edited by bobf at 6:07 PM, November 30th (Saturday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Catching up with everyone's threads. Wow.

Dazed great job on the FB exposure, but you did not leave it there long enough. It takes a good week or two to get the wrod out to everyone.

As for the aunt, you should have stood up to her and not backed down. Sorry Dazed but I think you let yourself get owned. Not good.

As for me, my Thanksgiving at the in-laws' house went okay Thursday, but fell apart yesterday. Thursay it was low pressure because MIL had alot of relatives to entertain and keep her busy. My fWW and I stayed to ourselves for the most part and the evening went well and we enjoyed it.

Thursday, however, I got into a big argument with the MIL. A little backstory: my fWW's parents are conservative Baptists and former missionaries. They raised my fWW and her brothers in what many would consider an authoritarian, super strict (naresay almost "backwards") Puritanical household.

I am my wife's first sex partner, and her ignorant mother taught her that sex was basically wrong and only for procreating. So my wife spent the first two decades of our marriage living by that rule... giving me only duty vanilla sex. That was until she hit 40, and her hormones changed and she had a MLC, and ended up whoring herself out to a much younger male co-worker and giving him all the hot porno sex she never would give me because, alas, "wives just don't act that way with their husbands."

Well yesterday my MIL started in on me about not going to church with my wife anymore. I told my MIL that for all intents and purposes my fWW's affair destroyed my faith in God and religion, and that I no longer want any part of either; and then I foolishly went on to tell her that had she not filled her daughter's head with so much false doctrine and stupid backwards beliefs about marital sex, her affair most likely would never have happened. I essentially blamed my MIL for a large portion of my wife's hangups.

Well that sent my FIL into nuclear mode to defend his wife, and I spent the rest of the afternoon being lectured and castigated by both of them for not "walking in forgiveness" and they basically ran me through the ringer for not rugsweeping my fWW's affair. To my wife's credit, she stood beside me and defended me, took responsibility for her affair and really stood up to her parents for the first time in our marriage. That really impressed me and made me feel alot better about the direction our R is heading.

When we got home last night my wife was in a surprisingly good mood and said that she was proud of herself for standing up to her parents. And lst night she apologized to me (for them I guess) by giving me the best BJ she ever gave me. Holy moley....

I think my fWW and I have turned another corner, but I hate to think it was at the expense of her relationship with her mom and dad.

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 8:49 PM, November 30th (Saturday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD, sounds like a net positive to me! The in-laws will get over it, I'm sure. Glad to hear that some of the porno sex is coming your way. You've earned it.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel kid of guilty posting on this thread sometimes, because I seem to be one of the few guys whos wife is seriously trying to save the marriage and make things right with me.

I read some of your stories here and my heart just aches for you guys.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,

I spoke with a couple of friends and family too and they agreed the last post I had done was a little much so that is the only one I took down. The photos of the two if them together are still up on my timeline as those will not be coming down. The shame and embarrassment of having a niece or relative leave there husband for someone their dad's age has to be Immeasurable, especially considering the life we had. I still find it amusing that I have been going to therapy and she has not. I am still having some rough times during the day (obsessing about them and what they did) but finally have some classes starting back up as I continue on in my career change. It is a challenging road ahead but something that we will all come out for the better on the other side.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in...been out a while. It's amazing what a new girlfriend and the divorce process moving along can do to one's mood. Hope everyone had a good T-day.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2013
burntandtorn
♂ New Member
Member # 41502
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My turkey day sucked. We spent time with Wife's family out of town. On the surface everything was pleasant but underneath I was angry/panicking the whole time.

Bottling it up for 2 days payed its toll when we got home and I broke down. She was understanding but also asked if it was because she was showing attention to other people instead of focusing on me. I explained that part of it was that everyone was just going on with their lives like normal (her apparently also), while in my mind, our family is teetering on the edge. And part of it is just the fact of the position we're in.


Married 12 years, together 14
BH 34
WW 35 (multiple ONS)
2 children, 8 and 10.
In MC. Trying to reconcile.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: missouri
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD, yes your wife's standing up to her parents is a huge deal, no matter how late in age. I wish my wife could do that. She just says nothing, which leaves her family thinking that she tacitly agrees. That in some way reinforces whatever toxic thinking is going on with them.


Burnt, life going on, without any consideration of your suffering, is painful. I think most people do not know what to say, so they say nothing, and keep on smiling...

My holidays last year would have been so much better if her family would have spent just a mere 60 seconds to acknowledge my pain...before moving on to celebration...


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My turkey day sucked. We spent time with Wife's family out of town. On the surface everything was pleasant but underneath I was angry/panicking the whole time.
Bottling it up for 2 days payed its toll when we got home and I broke down. She was understanding but also asked if it was because she was showing attention to other people instead of focusing on me. I explained that part of it was that everyone was just going on with their lives like normal (her apparently also), while in my mind, our family is teetering on the edge. And part of it is just the fact of the position we're in.

Burnt, this was EXACTLY the way Thanksgiving was for me last year. DDay was fresh and I had just allowed my fWW to move back in the house after I had filed for D and she panicked and came out of her fog. Her family were trying their best to go on like nothing had happened.

But Burnt, understand this, people were paying attention to you and they did indeed know what was going on; but most families rugsweep as a way to maintain peace and equilibrium. They stayed quiet because they did not want to open a can of worms.

Keep telling your fWW EXACTLY what you are feeling. Don't just expect her to always pick up on what you are goin through. You did a good job of setting her straight and making her think about consequences of her actions that she would not normaly expect.

My fWW says that had I not communicated to her daily how I was feeling and what I was thinking, she never could have made it this far in her rehabilitation as a wife. Some of the things I told her just flat out shocked and amazed her.

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 12:30 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Burnt, life going on, without any consideration of your suffering, is painful. I think most people do not know what to say, so they say nothing, and keep on smiling...

This.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,
I spoke with a couple of friends and family too and they agreed the last post I had done was a little much so that is the only one I took down. The photos of the two if them together are still up on my timeline as those will not be coming down. The shame and embarrassment of having a niece or relative leave there husband for someone their dad's age has to be Immeasurable, especially considering the life we had. I still find it amusing that I have been going to therapy and she has not. I am still having some rough times during the day (obsessing about them and what they did) but finally have some classes starting back up as I continue on in my career change. It is a challenging road ahead but something that we will all come out for the better on the other side.

I'm not bagging on you Dazed, I just wish you would have put the aunt in her place. She's tearing you down in public and that is not right.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,

She actually did it a private message to me that no one else saw. I then asked my family/etc about it. If it would have been public I would have backhanded her as her niece is in the wrong completely for what she has done.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand now. Well, I think you handled it right then. Ignoring someone can be a worse comeback than ctually engaging them


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gents,

Been a little while since I posted on here, but given what Sal and SDWB posted recently about their situations I wanted to share something.

I've thought about posting this in the past, but I've hesitated because it is still a bit personal for me. But, after some rethinking and some encouragement from a fellow BM, I changed my mind and decided to share.

I do some creative writing on the side - it can be a very therapeutic exercise. This is a short piece that I wrote after a particularly hard session of IC. It was helpful for me to write; I hope it is helpful for someone to read.

The Cliff:

-------------------------------------------------

I stand at the precipice.

How did I get here, I wonder? Here, at the edge, looking down at the base of the cliff with me perched atop it. How did I get here?

I turn my head and peer behind me, and a wisp of wind brushes past my face dragging along a few particles of sand with it. I scan the road that I walked down, but I don't remember much of the journey. There is a gnarled and elderly tree to my left, broken and leafless, its trunk bleached white by the sun. There is a rock, reddish gray and oblong, with a crack down the middle. Next to it are a few bushes and shrubs, but otherwise the road is barren and the landscape harsh, desert-like.

But no, there, in the distance, I see the remnants of what was. I see trees, green trees, living trees, with leaves and blossoms and bird-nests and squirrels and chipmunks. I see water, a glistening lake with an island in the middle. I see animals. I see grass, and flowers, and in the distance behind snow-capped mountains and green valleys, I see life. I see a place of peace. And the road. I see the road that I am on cutting through that beauty. I must have come from there. I must have passed that way.

The past. That is what I am seeing. My past. The road I followed. Those are the good times, back there. The times I like to remember. The happy times. But the road leaves that place and enters the desert. That is where I stand now. The desert. It is devoid of life; it is dust and rocks and nothing; it is emptiness.

I look away from the desert and the beauty in the distance beyond and turn my attention back to the cliff. The road ends here. Here at the cliff. There is no more road to walk. If I am to continue forward, I must jump. Below, a thousand feet below, that is where the road continues on.

A thousand feet. The scene at the bottom is of a land in miniature. I can not make out much in the way of details. It may be more desert. Or it may be more grass and trees. It may be life. It may be death. There is no way to know. I know only that down there is not up here. Down there is different. Down there is the unknown.

A fool. I have been a fool. I have come this far, and now I can not continue. A thousand feet. No one can survive that. I stand here alone. It is my choice to jump, or not to jump. To stay here, at the top of the cliff, or to leave, to leap into the open air and to plummet to the ground below. Plummet into the unknown.

I bring my eyes up from the bottom of the cliff and scan the horizon, and a wave of vertigo passes over me. I can't do it. I can't jump. I can't make that leap. It doesn't matter what is at the bottom: Heaven, Hell, Desert, Water; I can't do it.

“Yes you can,” says a voice in my ear, and I turn to my right to find a friend's face staring back at me. “You can do it. You are strong. You have been a friend to me and I return the favor.” And they hand me a helmet, with a strap for the chin.

“A helmet?” I ask.

“To protect your head,” they reply. Yes. To protect my head. I place the helmet on my head, and my friend helps to buckle the chin strap.

But what can a helmet do. A thousand feet down. It is nice to know that my head will survive, even if my body will be broken and shattered. I still can't do it. I am a fool. What does a helmet change. If I were to jump, I would simply be a fool with a helmet on. I can't do it.

“Yes you can,” says a voice in my ear, and I turn to my right to find my Sibling looking back at me with a smile. “You can do it. You are brave. But you will need these.” And they hand me a pair of pads for my knees, and a matching set for my elbows, the kinds with straps that tie around the back of the legs. They place the knee pads first and help me strap them, and then repeat the task with the elbow pads.

Great. So now my knees, my elbows, and my head will survive. But it is not enough, and my fear does not abate. To jump. To jump and survive. It is simply not possible. I can not do it.

“Yes you can,” says a voice in my ear, and I turn to my left to find my Mother looking back at me. “You can do it,” she says, gently, with the care only a mother can show, with that special coaxing way that a parent has. “But,” she adds, “you'll need this.”

Into my hands she places a back-pack. It has straps for the arms, and straps for the legs. And it is solidly packed, not empty.

No, I realize, not a back-pack. A parachute. And as I stand with my mouth agape my Mother helps strap the parachute to my back, with the same care that she took helping me to ready myself for my first day of school. She tightens the straps. Not too tight, but not too loose either. Just right.

“There,” she says. “Now you are ready.”

But I am not. I have never used a parachute before. I have never base-jumped or sky-dived, and stepping off of this cliff out into the unknown is still a task that I'm not sure I am ready for. I tip-toe to the edge and look down, and I swallow, hard. So far down. And the parachute, the helmet and the pads for my knees and elbows provide little solace. They seem flimsy, worthless, inferior for the task. And it is a long way down. A long way down indeed.

The vertigo hits again. I can't do it. I can't leave the firm earth. I can't leave the known and leap into the unknown. What if the helmet falls off. What if a gust of wind blows me back into the side of the cliff. What if the parachute fails. I can't do it. So far to fall. I can't do it.

“Yes you can,” says a voice in my ear, a strong voice, a commanding yet gentle voice. A wise voice.

It is my father.

“You can do this and you will do this, not because I say you can, but because you know you can. You are frightened. You are hesitant. You fear the unknown, the fall, the trip to the bottom. But you have leaped from higher cliffs before, and here you are, alive. You fear the leap, but you must leap to grow. You fear the leap, but there is no road ahead without it. You must leap, and you will. And you will stand at the bottom soon and know that you have conquered the cliff. You can do it. I know you can.”

“How?” I ask. “How can you know!”

“Because,” says my Father, “I am your Father. And I know.”

And with that I am embraced by each in turn, and they squeeze hard and kiss me on the cheek, and then they take a step back.

“I love you,” I say to them. “I love you all.”

“And we love you,” my Mother says back.

I turn back to the cliff, and I take a deep breath. I am still scared, but less so. I am still worried about what is at the bottom, but it seems not to make so much difference. I am no longer alone. I am no longer empty. My friends are with me. My family is with me. When I jump, a piece of each of them goes with me.

The sun is above me, and I look up to feel its warmth on my face. I give one final tug to the straps of the parachute, one final tightening of the helmet's chin strap, and one final look back at my friends and family.

I am about to jump, but there is one final hesitation, one final pause before I go over. And then I feel two small hands grasp my own, the hands of children, the hands of my children.

They do not speak, but I look down at them and I know from their expressions that they understand. I smile at them, and they smile back.

And then, with an open heart and with every ounce of strength I can muster, I leap.

And I no longer fear the fall.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's beautiful Slope, you should try to get it published. Thanks for sharing it with us.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slope, that was well written. Damn!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2073 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
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