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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
Tred
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Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justgreat,

Welcome to the best place you never wanted to be. I'll use the cliched "Sorry you are here but glad you found us". It's a tad slow on weekends sometimes. Hangovers. There's some epic advice and reading in some of the back pages - I'd start with Betrayed Men Part 9 and read from there to catch up.

I never met my wife's AP. Wouldn't do good to call him out, he'd probably beat the shit out of me. My wife went for a real He Man...big, strong, ex special forces. I wouldn't stand a chance. He's got 6" and probably 70 pounds on me. But that isn't the measure of a man that I gauge myself by. Off to see the new Hobbit movie and grab breakfast with the family. Have a good day gents.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3296 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway, has anyone managed to get any satisfaction out of the other man?
If, by satisfaction, you mean beating the living shit out of them....then yes. There's been a fair share of dudes who've come through here who exacted their pound of flesh. Some guys paid a heavy legal price, some didn't. Betrayed444 scared the piss out of one (literally), and Uhtred beat the shit out of one but lost his pinky to infection in the process. I would never tell you that you'd be wrong to do so, but only to be aware of the huge possible negative consequences if you do so.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
notsosureanymore
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Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Justgreat; There is so much info here I hardly ever get around to posting, by then I seem to find what I need. Keep reading. My wife had a full blown affair early 2006. I found out right away. She left the home for almost 3 months. During that time I thought about killing OM. What kept me from it was my sons. I wanted to be here for them. One good punch can kill someone. There is no satisfaction for me. He got away scott free. He was just some lucky son of a bitch who had the privledge. It was my wife who allowed it to happen. I don't feel so much anymore.
my wife is handling things in a textbook fashion, doing all the right things.

It seems like she cares for you by protecting you and being with you. I could not let it go and now she is gone again. and maybe it for the better idk.
A couple seasons back I killed a doe. My first one, it was a bad shot that broke both front legs. I walked up and put one behind her ear, then I sliced it's head off in pretty much one motion, tossed it down a ravine. All I ever killed was a fish before. i was surprised how easy it was to do. The whole experance helped me see me. I would hate to lose my hunting privledges over a domestic violence charge or much more my freedom. Life is short and delicate. there are 7+billion people more then half are women. I havent been all the placed I like to go in the world yet neither. I have to be arould a little longer to get my kids raised. then I am gone. It sucks that this is what our life has become. Its not what anyone wanted. But its my life still and not his. I am not gonig to give him me. not just yet. Maybe just maybe someday he will die before me until then I am happy to just live. The other man may not ever lose his own beautiful wife like you did. Wish him a worse fate like a painful death is all we can do.

Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
Justgreatnews
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Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^Well, glad to hear at least someone has managed to show the downside of this to the "other man". That is one of the aspects that burns me so much. That both could undertake this without the huge worry that I would find out and pound the daylights out of the low life snake.

Our society is too tolerant in so many areas. I believe that all men should consider the spector of the husband showing up with the means to lay regret all over a man that sleeps with a married woman.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome here news)))
We tend to cycle through revenge & payback stories @ 5-6X/year...every couple of months.
A few threads back, we were even making a movie - one with an 'Oceans 11' X "Kill Bill' idea.
We are calling it "The Marble Collectors".
We've got the beginning, in which several of us experience DDay in various ways, & the end, where we're throwing our totems (marbles or rings) into an awesome lightning'd volcano, & walking away with satisfied smirks on our faces...all symbolizing "letting it go".

In reality, there are several stories on here (look back through the old threads when you have time), with varying results...lost digits, jail time, remorse, regret...it's pretty much a free-for-all.
My own little take - found in my dream description above, is also found in the way you worded the question, the way I see it & turn it:

Get satisfaction from poser?

See? That ain't happening. Nothing he is, was, or could be has anything to do with me.
I tell myself, and you too -
Let. It. Go.

I'm not saying it's easy, either. In fact, it may be the inverse equivalent of the hard hard work of the truly reconciled among us - mighty men and women.

There are many "sayings" about revenge (I like wal's from awhile ago about the 2 graves, funny as hell - hey wal! You ok man? Hope it's *all swimming* in the walhood!)...
The one I like, because it reminds me of my destination: Indifferenceville
is
'Hate damages the vessel in which it is held far more than the object upon which it is poured.'

It's "OK" man. Keep posting. It helps & we got your back.

Army/Navy!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy smokes!!!!!!
That is old-school football!!!!
Both teams running the triple option? You gotta be kidding me! I felt like I was in a time-warp!
It was great!

sunsets:

I went to a shooting range in Tampa on vacation with a friend. He had a zombie target that I swear to you looked exactly like STBX. All my shots were grouped around the left breast. My friend said "You liked the left one, huh?" I said "No. I liked the right one. That's why I left it alone"

I'd a died laughing on the spot!

SG, looks good, though I haven't been able to acquire the taste for *the hoppy* yet.

Now, this?
oooeeee
It's a 7% kick in the pants, but boyo - trust me.
She GOOOOD!
(it's name kinda goes along with today's subject, too - so that's a serendipitous plus)


Posts: 5998 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of WAL, a good post regarding OM from a few months back:


One of the things I've learned from online relationship forums is that a great many women are discomfited by the expression of male anger in any form that is not focused on protecting them from harm. Male anger is dangerous. It feels threatening because it is an expression of physical power -- in essence, "I could beat the fuck out of you any time I want; it's only the fact that I choose not to that keeps you safe."

In order to avoid that discomfiture, some women see it as their job to reform the anger out of their men (and raise his sons to stifle anger at all costs and adopt the credo that "Violence is never the answer"...when every single fucking person on the planet knows at a basic animal level that yes, violence is sometimes the answer. BTW, maybe we should start raising our daughters to just lie back and enjoy it if they're getting raped rather than resisting...because, er, violence is never the answer.)

So, a negative reaction to Uhtred's story doesn't surprise me.

By the same token, men have been trying to reform "nagging, controlling bitch" out of women for just as long without similar success, so I figure this is going to be a stalemate between the sexes for some time to come.

ETA: I completely support the right of a man to defend his sense of personal honor against another man in any manner he feels to be appropriate, so long as he accepts whatever consequences that may be. Yes, none of it happens without some stupid slut WW creating the situation and slipping on a banana peel onto strange cocks, but the OM knows what he's doing when he decides to fuck a married woman.

Fucking with another dude's wife/girlfriend is a bright line "will get your ass kicked" offense that we're all aware of by the time we're ten years old.

Compare, for just a moment, the well-worn tropes of Warrior and Weasel.

Your classic Viking Warrior is the dude who can come in with horns blaring, torch in hand, and a huge fucking sword who announces that he's going to burn down your village, take your crops, and fuck your woman because he *can*. He's stronger, faster, more powerful and better-trained
.
Your average Weasel steals eggs from the chicken coop at night while the farmer is asleep because he knows that he's *food*. That's where he's at in the pecking order: he's someone else's food and can only get what he needs by eating other people's (would-be) children. The Weasel is fucking Corporal Upham from _Saving Private Ryan_ -- the guy cowering on the stairs while the Waffen SS officer stabs Mellish in the heart an inch at a time.

You remember that moment where Upham gets his redemption? He shoots an unarmed Steamboat Willy after the fighting is done. That's supposed to be his sudden epiphany of moral clarity (if you're the sort of person who hasn't been paying attention): shooting an unarmed liar to make up for pissing your pants while a sworn brother was getting murdered by your cowardice. I wouldn't call that a rousing redemption.

There is not a single case in the history of the planet where the OM is the Warrior rather than the Weasel. He's a guy taking by guile. He's fucking *food*, and he knows it. He is a coward's coward; a murderer by cowardice.

I don't spend my time worrying much about the fate of weasels.



“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Normally I would say combining beer and guns is a bad idea but it's bookended by a topic that just makes me go, eh.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7096 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eh-
lol!

It *looks like* a hefe - but it's not sweet. Has a great "nose", and it finishes crisp and clear...
without the ooo hops feel.

fp - thanks for saving the wal-isms for us! The fate of upham/weasels - classic!

Oh sunsets! You made the quote thread there feller!


Posts: 5998 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fp - thanks for saving the wal-isms for us! The fate of upham/weasels - classic!
I have a whole folder full of posts that have helped me along the way, saved as .PDF's. Not just WAL, but a bunch of people, culled from all 16 parts of the BM threads. Whole lot of wisdom in those. When we get new dudes, I sometimes shoot them a PM asking if they'd like me to email the stuff I have to them, especially if the stuff I have is extra relevant.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
TheCollector
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Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well fellas it's Sunday and I'm at work alone for the day so I'll be on here plenty... And making double-time as I'm doing it!

Stillgoing anything by STONE BREWING is great beer!


Sunset. Whoa whoa whoa you live in TN? Where abouts? And that post was fucking hilarious! I LITERALLY LiKed.

JJCT. we were even making a movie - one with an 'Oceans 11' X "Kill Bill' idea.
We are calling it "The Marble Collectors"---- does this mean I get to be the star of the movie???


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
TheCollector
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Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a more serious note I've been really struggling the last couple days... Let me explain why.

For several months now my wife has been reading ALOT, almost a book a day. Mostly "young adult" crap that teenagers read about a girl in love with an angel or some shit like that. (She's 24 btw) well no big problem there really but this week she has decided to try her hand at writing a book. So she is and it's along those same lines but it's about a girl who is falling in love with a zombie AND a zombie hunter and is torn between the 2. The zombie looks normal as long as he eats fresh meat that he gets from the market the main female character works at btw. This book is really triggering me bad. She has written a lot of my personality into one of the main characters. The "hunter" .... One part is especially painful for me to read. She kisses one of them and she says she feels passion and lust (zombie) and when she kisses the (hunter) she feel protection and comfort.... This all bothers me because I feel she stayed with me because I was more responsible than POSER and she had a baby on the way......

She wants me to read and give input and she is genuinely proud of it thus far and she has worked really hard on it. She is something like 15 thousand words in.

I don't know what to do about it...menzdom-wizdom is welcome


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd 'accidentally' burn the manuscript.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
sisoon
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Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

w_a_l is brilliant and insightful, but I disagree with him on this.

My problem is with my W. My W had the opportunity and power to prevent her A. The anger I felt toward ow was, in fact, pretty much all displaced from my W. None of the energy I spent in anger at ow helped me to recover from this shit.

My W betrayed me. My W broke her vows. Healing required me to recognize my anger at my W, and decide what to do with it. My bet is that healing requires assigning the ap to the list of irrelevancies.


FBH (me) - 65+, FWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together almost 49 (as of January, 2014)
DDay - 12/2010
Almost Recovered
I share my own experience not because I'm a good model but because it's the only experience I know.

Posts: 8885 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
TheCollector
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Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's on the laptop... Sigh

I don't wanna seem like an unsupportive dick husband


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
sunsetslost
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Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, glad I could give you a laugh. Lord knows you've done it for me

Collector, I'm in fabulous Knox Vegas. I came here to go to school, met a girl, blah blah blah
I've enjoyed my time here for the most part but the Gulf of Mexico is home. Spring or early summer I'm gone.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Jul 2013
sunsetslost
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Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And just to weigh in, I'm in the camp of letting go. Any fucker that isn't deterred by a wedding ring isn't worth my time or effort. In my situation I wasn't given the option to R and I don't believe I would have wanted to. He's a loser. She's a flake. They deserve each other. As long as she leaves me the hell alone. At first I did some passive aggressive "revenge" things. I went to a show out of town and "accidentally" left the hotel receipt on the kitchen table. Dumb shit like that. I guess I was trying to get a rise out of her. Looking back I laugh at myself. Every day I'm closer and closer to the bliss of indifference. I go through rough patches here and there. That's what you guys are for. And Canadian whiskey.
I do have to go see her tomorrow. Get some money. And it doesn't bother me in the least.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Jul 2013
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can be a star, Collector - hey, we're "All Stars"!

Seems to me your wife is writing a lot...@ 2000 words per day? Is she a SAHM? You have 1 baby? How old? I'm just wondering where she gets the time.
Too,
it sounds like a recipe for dysfunction:
She gets to do an 'in-your-face', on your dime (sounds like),
and you have to keep it all bottled up inside or she threatens to walk.
I don't see how that is good for you...not just the relationship - you.

It would be a good idea for you to examine why you're allowing her to disrespect you and manipulate you into silence.


Posts: 5998 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
TheCollector
♂ Member
Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunset- born and raised knoxvillian here. How funny. It's really IS a small world.I live in Maryville witch is like 20 min away bbut grew up in halls. Gonna have to get you a homebrew for sure!

[This message edited by TheCollector at 6:09 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
sunsetslost
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Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Collector,
My brother and his family are in Maryville. I was just there yesterday. You tell me when and where and if it's earthly possible I will be there. PM me with the info. We'll not bore these fine gentlemen with Vol talk


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Jul 2013
Sproket
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Member # 41262
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justgreatnews


nope OM just spilled all the beans and wanted nothing to do with anything anymore


ME:BS 40
W: WW 40
M: Oct 2009
D.D Nov 2, 2013

Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: VA
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