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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Collector... sorry, man... Sounds like a hellacious couple of days. Sending you strength.

Posts: 4549 | Registered: Dec 2010
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Collector..

Man that just sucks. The fact that you did not end up in jail when you saw OM in the store speaks volumes regarding your inner strength and integrity. Your a good man. A much better man than me.

You will get through this mess. Some time in the (hopefully) hear future all this will just be a memory and you will have moved on with your life.

The thing is that life just pushes us forward and there is nothing you can do about it. You cant swim against that current. You will heal because it isnt even an option not to. O you will be scarred and your life will be vastly different than you thought it would be. But you will be healed and you will move on and you will have a good life again.

Strength brother.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3084 | Registered: Sep 2007
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Collector. Hang in there.

My STBX wouldn't tell me who the AP was. It didn't take me long to figure it out as she is dumb as shit. When I told her I knew she said she didn't want me to know because she wanted to protect us both. I've never been in a fight in my life off the football field. I asked her what she thought I'd do. She said I'd kill him. Or vandalize something. I told her if that's what she needs to think of me to justify her bullshit then go right ahead. But you know you are fucking lying to yourself.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jul 2013
TheCollector
♂ Member
Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I should have been more clear. The screaming thing happened the last few days...last night actually. But running into him was like 10 months ago or so. And then about 6 months ago she ran into him at the grocery store and told me about it immediately but we still got into a huge fight that night too. Didn't matter that she avoided him. Somehow I was the bad guy on that one???? and I'm probably not better than you fellas. If my daughter wasn't on my hands with no way to put her down he would've been out cold in the middle of Wal-Mart.... Sometimes I really wish my daughter would have been in the buggy at that moment.

Oh and I forgot to mention her cutting her leg to fucking pieces last night once we got home last night... She says when it's too much that's her coping mechanism. Of course I feel like shit about that.

But THANKS TO ALL OF YOU for being so kind and well... Just being there

[This message edited by TheCollector at 7:15 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
TheCollector
♂ Member
Member # 38890
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunset, didnt you say her OM was a friend too? That's such a pathetic excuse


Infidelity really IS the gift that keeps on giving...

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thecollector
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Collector, I'm not sure if I've ever met him or not. She picked up some contract work catering some music tours. They hooked up on the bus. A couple weeks later she she didn't
Come home one night. I called and texted all night. I still was clueless. She said she got shit faced and slept on a friend's couch. She was real nice for about two weeks then she dropped the bomb. IMHO it could've been anybody. She was bored, broken and selfish. A week after d day she said she had no intention of breaking it off. She actually had the balls to ask when it was appropriate to take off the rings. I asked if it bothered him. She said "Well, he asked". It was then I knew I was done. She's a piece of shit. He's a bigger piece of shit. Hey deserve each other. good riddance. On to bigger and better things. I'm know how lucky I am. No kids. No fight. I got out clean. One day you'll have to bring your daughter to the Gulf.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jul 2013
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

these nightmares , almost every night I wake up

Fly, I think you will find that they slow down over time. I find that if I record some History or Discovery channel shit on the dvr then watch it right when I get into bed it puts me right to sleep. Love that stuff, but nothing like Mike Rowe's monotone voice describing a planet getting spaghettified by a black hole to put me to sleep. If I wake up during the night though I rarely bother trying to go back to sleep. My mind wanders, dreaming up complicated scenarios of shooting masked Posers with a Red Ryder BB gun ala. Christmas Story. Already high blood pressure gets going and no more sleepy for me.
As Numb already said try the melatonin, its works. I think that's why its easier for me to initially fall asleep before my mind takes off.


As far as beating the OM into oblivion

As far as my own moral line in the sand I have no qualms about beating the poser until he's nothing more than a bag of bones. The ONLY reason that hasn't happen are because he's not worth me going to jail thus taking me away from my children. They are the main reason I'm still in my marriage, and I would never deprive them of not having me around for my own personal vindication.

Now if I could get that dumpy piece of shit to sign a waiver, I'm not saying I would win the fight, but that sonuvabitch sure as hell won't be walking for some time to come.

And if I do run into him, I almost hope that I have the privilege of knowing before hand. That way I could pop in a pouch of redman, chew that shit up till its nice and juicy, walk over to him hauck that shit all over his shoes, sniff, then turn around and walk off without even saying a word. Yeah I like that, just brought a smile to my face!


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome here spond, noob gets the beer, didya know that?

Collector - cutting is serious. I hope you really know you can't fix that. Nor is it advisable to ignore. Way more pain is in store for you if you do.
I will tell you straight up to get an attorney. Get yer ducks in a row.
I have no idea what it's like in your sitch, granted.
I do know that ignoring, or otherwise minimizing cutting cuts you.

Dux in row man.


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
reallyscrewedup7
♂ Member
Member # 30825
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for being late to the party, but can I get an AMEN for Razor?

But during that EA. And actually for years and years before it. WW was a total shit in our M. She was demeaning. Verbally abusive. Physically to if you count the times when she deliberately went in and broke something of mine. She put holes in our walls throwing crap around the house.

WW used to complain about me working to much. Working late. But if you were going to be confronted when you went home after work every night with Medusa. Wouldnt you stay late? I admit there were a few times when I knew the shit was going to really start to fly when I got home (oftimes for no apparent reason). And on those times I would deliberately work late so she would be asleep when I got in.

WORD. Too bad this truth is drowned out by the screams of the wayward wives that their BHs were "cold." Therefore it was 200% okay to fuck another man.

I know I am spitting into the wind. The accepted narrative is all too clear. But I don't care. You cheat because you want to cheat. You find it thrilling and for whatever reason, you justify it to yourself. If it means vilifying your spouse, you are going to do it because it is what you want. It is just pretty easy to be a soulless bitch and get a cold response from your husband. Then you can "say" hey, he was mean, I need to hop on another man's dick and make it okay.

FRACK THAT GORRAM PILE OF FECES.


Infidelity sucks shit

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Finding my way
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5+ years from D-day, nearly 3 years since the divorce decree. Yet, I am still being destroyed by NJ divorce court.

My ex-W will use any and all divorce law to strip the last financial security we built up over a 24-year marriage so she can spend the money on nothing.

The latest court order allowed her to dissolve whole life insurance 'cash value' (thus canceling the policy). The best I could do was to have the court put the proceeds in trust for educational expenses for our three kids. I now have no life insurance.

Before that, it was retirement benefits and pensions. And before that, using inflated income numbers from my self-employment, established permanent alimony at over $3,000/mth even though my business has all but collapsed and she earns over $100,000/yr as a state employee and has gold-plated current and retirement benefits. Meanwhile, my self-employment allows me to save nothing, even for my own retirement.

She has little to do with our children but gets $1,600/mth in child support. I am a full-time single parent for our 3 children - living expenses, college costs - all of it.

I always thought I was a tough man. But this has ground me down so far, that I can barely function. My will is broken, the life we built together for each other and our children has been utterly destroyed and still she comes for more.

And her lawyer just notified mine that she is coming after an annuity, fully disclosed during the divorce though not subjected to 'equitable distribution' then and will ask for attorney fees as she does so.

Divorce, not love and marriage, is forever.

I may not be.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1103 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Justgreatnews
♂ Member
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Defiled Rage:

"Now if I could get that dumpy piece of shit to sign a waiver, I'm not saying I would win the fight, but that sonuvabitch sure as hell won't be walking for some time to come."

Great minds think alike. I suggested to the OM we could both sign a "Hold Harmless", then head outside.
Its a simple form in which each party agrees to hold each other harmless from any damages arising from a specified situation. Used alot when riding along with law enforcement, military, etc. Now, it may not be deemed as ironclad if something downright illegal or unreasonable occurred in the fight, but would be better than nothing. "Mutual combat" situations are rarely prosecuted unless someone goes overboard.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and I forgot to mention her cutting her leg to fucking pieces last night once we got home last night... She says when it's too much that's her coping mechanism. Of course I feel like shit about that.
First of all you shouldn't feel bad about that. She's doing it to herself and it is symptomatic of more severe mental health problems. If at all possible get it documented somehow that she does this. Some day you may need that proof. I'm telling you, you can never be too prepared. There are WW who have made up DV allegations to get back at their BH for...IDK...not being doormats and trying to win them back...whatever cray-cray reason. Even if things don't go that route she needs professional help regardless.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3365 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks jjct. I wish I could have found SI for other reasons.

Collector.. Keep your head up. It shows sooo much courage and integrity to act like a real man. You are better off for it.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 276 | Registered: Dec 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is just pretty easy to be a soulless bitch and get a cold response from your husband.
I do think that there is something to be said for the self-reinforcing cycle of this. There may be some internalized hurts (real or imagined) that serve as the initial jumping off point, but at some point during many affairs the cheating partner does seem to turn cold or angry (or just fucking crazy) as they begin to compare the AP to the BS. So then the BS gets angry, or defensive, or whatever and *boom* now the WS has new justifications with which to run to the AP with and complain about.

Great minds think alike. I suggested to the OM we could both sign a "Hold Harmless", then head outside.
Its a simple form in which each party agrees to hold each other harmless from any damages arising from a specified situation. Used alot when riding along with law enforcement, military, etc. Now, it may not be deemed as ironclad if something downright illegal or unreasonable occurred in the fight, but would be better than nothing. "Mutual combat" situations are rarely prosecuted unless someone goes overboard.

Ohhh, I wish. I think there's far too much chance of it going overboard. Maybe in some kind of controlled environment, like a one-on-one MMA fight or something.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say, my wife has been impressing the hell out of me lately. She's asking a lot of really introspective questions about herself...completely unprovoked and uninitiated by me. She told me last night that she had a lot of admiration for me because "you stuck with me when I know it was really hard and painful for you, and you didn't have to do it." Cue: heartmelt.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you merlin-draconian D laws are why I am still M'd. She fucked around, why do I have to pay her for it?


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fleet,

'No-fault divorce', 'equitable (ha) distribution', self-employment and being married for over 20 years is a death sentence in NJ Family Court.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1103 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back after a trip to Indiana to watch our son's graduation ceremony . Three nights in a motel room with WW. We don't sleep in the same bed while at home so this was a bit stressful for both of us. Had a dream while I was there where she took me by the hand to another room where there were two more women that looked just like her. WTH?

Welcome to all those who joined this thread recently.

Fly - the nightmares are the result of the psyche releasing toxic thoughts. Think of it like soot going out through a chimney. This will lessen over time but will continue every once in a while throughout your lifetime. It's uncomfortable but quite normal.

Merlin - truly sorry you're going through this. You're a better man than I. Going over to the dark-side would definitely be on the table were I in your situation. The only thing that keeps me from exacting my pound of flesh, when it comes to certain people that have wronged me, is my belief that everyone eventually gets what's coming to them either here or in the hereafter.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She told me last night that she had a lot of admiration for me because "you stuck with me when I know it was really hard and painful for you, and you didn't have to do it."

That is good stuff FP. It is hard not to feel good about that. Bask in it for a little while. You are due some ego repair. Better yet tell her to do that more often. Amends can take many forms.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
stillprettyupset
♂ Member
Member # 41286
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Face, that is the sappiest (and most wonderful) thing I've heard lately. I hope to hear something, anything similar from my own WW someday.


Me: 42
WW: 36
Latest D-day: Sept 2013
Reconciling? Limbo?

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NE Ohio
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