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Newest Member: Mysurvival (43128)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal - I am beyond happy about your update. Right on for you, man.

Sunsets - Sounds like you are on your way to some new beginnings. I'm sorry about your STBX's niece. That sucks man, but that doesn't reflect upon how awesome you have been to her. I'm glad you're getting past that and having a coastal party with some friends of yours. Wish we could all be there!

DefeatedDad - I hope you had an awesome time with the fWW and the Rumchata! Good for you for living in the moment.

foundoutlater - Good on you for realizing that what your wife did was absolutely not about you. That is an absolute truth.

StillGoing - You are a great Dad, and a great Husband. POSERs don't stick around for cleaning up barf on Christmas Eve and continue to have a bottle of wine and watch Dr. Who with the Mrs. You are good man.

I know I've missed a few updates, but I hope you know that each and every one of you are a great source of strength and support to me. The last three years I have had some craptacular moments... 2010 I found out about my wife's affair... 2011 I found about my son not being biologically mine... 2012 my favorite dog died... 2013 my closest friend died. Holy shit. Here's to 2014 not being a source of material for bad country songs for me, or any of us!

I will leave the songwriting up to jjct...

Take care fellers. Peace and strength to each and every one of you.


"The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth." - Leo Tolstoy

Posts: 4448 | Registered: Dec 2010
Justgreatnews
♂ Member
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal and Foundoutlater hit the nail on the head with the subject that really burns me up.

Its is so easy for the OM to be charming, complimentary and all that other BS with absolutely no investment at all. Just some free no-strings, no bad times, no commitment fun.

Low life snakes.

[This message edited by Justgreatnews at 7:29 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so easy for the OM to be charming, complimentary and all that other BS with absolutely no investment at all. Just some free no-strings, no bad times, no commitment fun

It's still on my wife. Seriously, I'm sure that in the course of a week during her affair, I was exactly like that to her for as much time as her affair partner was - only problem was I had another 6 days and 22 hours of time to fill in that he didn't. A lot of that time was spent going to work, working, sleeping, eating, and shitting, but there were times I was fun. The OM gave my wife exactly what SHE wanted. Sure, he is a low life cheating player who thinks he is awesome because validation seeking housewives on Ashley Madison suck his dick. Like SG said though - that's not my gig. I'm pretty sure that if I wanted that I could find some woman out there with issues to be a cum receptacle. But I couldn't do it without a willing partner...which is what my wife volunteered to do. So as much as I despise the POSER and all men like him, it's still all on my wife. She signed up for it. No one made her do it. So some random dude got to treat my wife as a sex toy while I was at work trying to provide a life for my family. As much as I love sex with my wife, I'm pretty certain that I want to be the guy at work making life better for my family than the guy having sex destroying it.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am waiting to see how long the "fairy tale" lasts for my STBX.

As I said in my profile, I did all of the cooking (I love it), all of the cleaning (she doesn't mind clutter and dust- I can't stand it), all of the yard work, etc. All of this in addition to working full time.

She got to sit on her ass like an entitled princess because I loved her and enjoyed doing those things for her.

Her complaint (and excuse) was that I spent too much of my own time reading or looking up things on the internet. I don't have any formal education, but I am naturally curious... so I like to look things up.

It galled the shit out of her that when I was finished with household chores I didn't care to sit and talk about the drama filled lives of the women she works with. "Real Housewives" in real life does not interest me, sorry.

Maybe OM is willing to engage in that shit for a while... but I am betting that it will get old quick. Especially when he figures out that she is helpless when it comes to running a household.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2013
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealing with the post-HB effects of the affair.

I am having some issues. My wife had her OEA all via email, chat and a couple of voice skype encounters. Immediately after the initial confession (and before realizing I was not told the whole story and I did not know about the skype yet) my wife went to visit her sick dad in NYC and we had phone sex while she was away. This was something we had done before when I was visiting my sick mother in MI before she passed away.

Well, wife is back in NYC visiting her dad and before she left I told her I couldn't do phone sex with her anymore. I'll just be thinking of what she did with 2 other men and it will make me feel more like a scumbag than a husband. When will I get past this?

Hell when I used to masturbate I would,think about her, even that now makes me lose my erection. Honestly I don't like fantasizing about other women, I never have since I met my wife.

I love making love to her but I am frustrated that other acts of our sexual life together are messed up.

Is this a common problem? Is this something that goes away with time? I realize this is my problem but how do I get over it?

[This message edited by bobf at 8:44 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jim, I forget - have you filed?
You're still early in this, as these things usually go, but she's left you, right?
She became nuts and toxic to justify her planned exit...protect yourself. In time, your mind won't wonder any more about her circus drama. "IF" she were to ever wake up and realize who she left - the guy that did ev.er.y.thing. - it'll be a bad day for stupid her.
She might even come begging-back. Stay strong brother - work on you.

Put this little nugget away in your pocket:
There is some woman somewhere who will truly value you for who you really are. Heck, I bet half the wimmenz on here who know your story are thinking in their minds: "If only..."
Trust me.
When she finds you - you will feel a huge difference.
Move on.


Very humble thanks, men, for the new name vote...
SI is my safe place to hang out.
Speaking of that,
I'm working on ideas on how to make $$ for SI in this situation:
Me - wearing dress, heels, wig - playing harmonica. Got a video. @ 2 minutes maybe?
(not a techie)
I could post it on utube... & 'allow' views for say...a 5 buck donation?
hmmm.
Any helpful feedback would be appreciated - (besides the wiseass comments)
I gotta say,
I do kinda rock the heels (& the harp, just a little)

*poof*

[This message edited by jjct at 6:28 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, I'm speechless. As apparently is everyone else.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj as usual, words fail me.

Damn near 60 today. Even though the pins are down, going to golf 9.


Took the sons Christmas present.


Tonight's low is 4.

Sal, it took my FWW 8 months to "get it". I had decided on a year. Wasn't as close to filing as you were, but the prospects for R were dimming. Have to give you a heads up on year 2 though. Plain of lethal flatness lives up to its' name in spades. The A isn't as much of a problem as is the fact that a lot of the time I just don't give a shit. Granted, that was brought about as a result of the A.
I know the M needs some TLC, but frankly, a lot of the time, it doesn't seem to be worth the effort. It's a struggle to continue making the M an attractive place. Fortunately, FWW has been stepping up her efforts when I hit the doldrums. It's actually a good thing she's a member here. She doesn't post much, but reads every night. She recognizes where I am and is able to forestall problems.

SG, what the heck brother? Where the hell did that come from? Losfer hit the nail on the head. You ARE a good man. Hell, you've even achieved the Good Dude seal of approval. Where are the doubts coming from?

Weekend before the new year. Looking forward to better things for us all!


ETA Wow, sorry guys, didn't mean to explode the page!

ETA 2 They just issued a wind chill advisory for midnight. -25!

[This message edited by 5454real at 5:31 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2046 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJCT-

Wow. Just....

...wow.

You look like Nicole Richie's doppelganger.


To err is human; to forgive, supine.

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct now if you can do it out on the town somewhere with some hot babes that would be worth the price of admission.

Good weekend to you all!

[This message edited by foundoutlater at 5:47 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Your beliefs dont make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok - maybe I should get people to pay not to show the video
For future reference, on p-bucket, if you edit the pic down to 340 (it puts in the 2nd number automatically), it doesn't explode the page...

I should've come here when I was planning the thing! Doing it with hot babes would've been just right! Next time...


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJ, while your goal is noble, can we just appeal to the good menz of BM to assist SI in it's time of need? Maybe we can put up a tip jar for the Friday night thread


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Losfer.

jjct, just messing with you man.

Tred, I agree. Been meaning to send in a donation for some time now, it's time to quit talking about it and just do it.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No worries Sal!
Tred, the tip-jar is a good idea.
I will work on the big reveal a week or two into the New year...give time for peeps to settle down from the holidays...

Posts: 5976 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love making love to her but I am frustrated that other acts of our sexual life together are messed up.

Is this a common problem?

Bob, I can't do sexting, cybersex, phone sex, etc. I just do sex sex now :) YMMV


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
Justgreatnews
♂ Member
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So. Would you rather have a beautiful wife that cheated (now reformed; or a homely but faithful wife?

There's a question you can only repeat in front of other men.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nuance

Thank you for your answer. In your case even 13 years didn't make a difference which gives me something to think about.

I guess I will see how IC goes and see if I can get over this.

[This message edited by bobf at 8:17 AM, December 29th (Sunday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justgreatnews - you know my mind went right to this...
If you've never heard it, well, you're welcome!

http://tinyurl.com/Jimmy-Soul-s-Opinion

The only common denominator across cultures that I have ever found that defines what 'physical beauty' is - is symmetry of features.
Now, I've had what is beautiful physically outside, but a yawning box of horrors inside.
<<<shudders>>>
I think it's a great question, just for the fact that it has made me think, and also for what it has helped me discover and confirm about myself.

My only path to healing - was through myself.
The suck made me do that, I had to go within, there was no other way.
- the common denominator to my M's was me. (yah, they were both females with the proper equipment too, but)

What is to survive, even more, what is it "to be beautiful" - within me?
My eyes tell me lies, that's a stone-cold fact jack. The outside information they convey touch me far less than the horndog days of my yute.
I go within now. Listening within.
When I am with someone, and I feel beauty within?
Dam, I'm drinking that up! She fills my eyes & my insides are ringin like a tuning fork...
I do not have the slightest clue if she's considered beautiful to anyone else - she's beautiful to me, within me.

Forget about *outside*
shutter your eyes.
Find the tuning fork
plucked within.

It's the most marvelous thing.


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Menz,
I lurk a lot but don't post much. I don't know how many of y'all dealt wit this (at all). But how do you reconcile in your mind when your FWW says it was just sex with OM but with you it is "making love"? It sounds so minimizing to me.
I hate this! Almost 17 months and my brain is still clicking away with all these A related thoughts. It seems like it never ends.

[This message edited by Herkemeyer at 8:20 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 91 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Herk, for some reason I've never thought to ask my wife that question, maybe because I always assume that with women there's an emotional component. Not sure that "it was just sex" would be much of a consolation, anyway. She shouldn't have been having any kind of sex with anyone other than her husband.

I'm sorry you're hurting right now brother.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
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