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Newest Member: timeonmyhands (43227)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 16
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, December 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pure joy today gents. Warm hugs from old friends. Met a new baby girl and got puked on. Sitting by a dying fire and sipping on the last of the cheap whiskey. Staring a palm tree in the face. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. A few times tonight "she should be here", but that quickly turned to "who is the lucky girl that will be here next year, or the year after, or in ten years". My friends know my story and they're proud of me and happy for me. Boat leaves for the island at 10 tomorrow morning. I have loan documents, marriage paperwork, house stuff to throw into the bonfire tomorrow night. It'll burn fast.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 493 | Registered: Jul 2013
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 4:09 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confusion - That is the word of the year. FWW is truly remorseful but it is hard to not think about the why, the what, the how. Know what I mean?


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 91 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
HotSauce
♂ New Member
Member # 40309
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confusion - That is the word of the year. FWW is truly remorseful but it is hard to not think about the why, the what, the how. Know what I mean?

I'm in the same boat. Got through Christmas when WW decided she wanted him more than me. New Years eve was supposed to be their first hook up but he did not show up. This is my first affair season and it has been tough. As far as the why, I have come to the conclusion that she did it because she wanted to and thought she could get away with it. The what, no telling, but she did it a lot so she liked it. And the how, because she was a selfish bitch. It is tough, but being honest with my self has helped. There is not crazy reasons why and not one thing was my fault. Accepting and moving forward is all I can do.


Married 16 years
D-Day 2/8/13

Posts: 17 | Registered: Aug 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunsets - sounds like a great way to start the New Year! You had me at bonfire.

Hotsauce,


I have come to the conclusion that she did it because she wanted to and thought she could get away with it

Occam's Razor. Sometimes it's that simple.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Justgreatnews
♂ Member
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two brilliant and concise observations there.^^^

Good male reasoning.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading Sunsets' posts while listening to Jimmy Buffet.

it is hard to not think about the why, the what, the how

The 'what' and the 'how' may bring up more mind images than a man might want to deal with, while the 'why' is like chasing the wind. In my case, ignorance is bliss. She knows nothing and shares nothing. Never has, never will.

I lift my grape juice in a toast to all the suffering menz here on this thread and at SI. May the coming new year bring you closure and peace of mind.

And a big thanks to Losfer and all the mods here for your patience with us.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I rarely post here but I thought about Sunsets' posts regarding the why.

The why for my two wxgfs (LTRs)? Simple. One wanted out and didn't have the decency to leave before starting their single life. The other f*cked another guy just to see if she''d feel bad about it. When she didn't she dumped.

As for my xww's why....well she''s got issues, which is a nice way of saying her head is effed up six ways to Sunday. In my defense she seemed to be functional and not cray-cray when we met.

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 9:46 AM, December 31st, 2013 (Tuesday)]


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3370 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well she's got issues, which is a nice way of saying her head is effed up six ways to Sunday. In my defense she seemed to be functional and not cray-cray when we met.

I'm sure many of us were duped also, luuuv seems to cloud judgment. I know mine never spoke of any childhood abuse.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know mine never spoke of any childhood abuse.
My xww was sneakier than that. She admitted to just enough issues so she didn't seem to good to be true. Like she knew I wouldn't buy that she didn't have any issues at all. Very convincing about it too. Amazing how a good a liar they can be.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3370 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people are just ticking time bombs... cheating or other abuse is just about inevitable with them. IMO WW was one of those.

Some MILD abuse when she was a child. Nothing more than what any youngest child goes through.

I think the biggest tell-tale was her pattern of relationships prior to meeting me.

* many concurrent lovers. most with little or no emotional connection.

* many short term relationships. A long list of ONS.

* NO serious long term boy-friends.

* she was the OW at least 2 times to different married men.

* cheated on me after we were (I thought) exclusive with each other.

* possibly cheated again within a month after we M.

* no boundaries with men she worked with. I repeatedly complained about this and was told I was being jealous for no reason. Actually I became the joke around her work.

I just seems it was inevitable. She was a disaster waiting to happen. And I believed what I wanted to believe about her and ignored all the warning signs.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But she has told me that it was all him and that she didn't enjoy it so.... why do it at all, then?

I ruminated over this some. I think in some of these scenarios WWs had to offer in order to keep the OM engaged. Obviously the OM only were looking for one thing, if they knew it was unlikely why would they still spend the effort and just not move on to an easier (read more gullible) target ?

So in other words, they had to put out in order to keep the relationship going. They had to degrade themselves to keep their OMs attention and interest. It was the price of admission. It sounds cheap and petty, because it was/is.

If they could have gotten that without degrading themselves, they would. Oh wait . . .did not most of us give them that without that condition ?

Right, because we "had," to as husbands and fathers to their children. Too much contextual and not enough literal interpretation there. Just because we don't write love notes and say it every minute of everyday. Oh wait, some of us tried that too.

"Having it all," is a really bad idea for most people. If you are told you can have it all, but don't, you start destroying everything you do have in order to find that, "missing piece." Those people may be better served to look in the mirror.

Men who want to be friends with married women aren't looking for anything else. I don't know what makes me sadder. That some men are like that or that there are women who are naive enough to not believe this.

Wow I went from feeling good today. . . .is it happy hour yet ?


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may turn ot to be a worse New Years for me than last New Years.

I have the day off, my fWW is at her parents with the kids, and i wal talking to a neighbor of mine who I had not spoken to for well over a year. Since most of the neighborhood has an inkling as to what happened in my marriage, he asked me how things were going with my fWW.

He is a widower, but he had a wife who cheated on him. He and I were talking about how he got through it and how I was doing it, and then he dropped a bomb on me:

He said he suspected something was going down with my wife last year. I was away for two weeks for work and he told me that some time around the middle of March 2012 he saw a strange car parked out in my driveway during school hours. He saw the car a couple of days there, and said it would be gone before the schoolbus came by to drop the kids off at 3:30p.m. The make and model sounds to me like the OM's car but I need to go back and look at the evidence I gathered last year.

If I find out she had the OM over here, banging him in my bed, she's fucking toast. I'm done, and there won't be any third chance for her.

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 2:16 PM, December 31st (Tuesday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD. So sorry man.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Having it all," is a really bad idea for most people. If you are told you can have it all, but don't, you start destroying everything you do have in order to find that, "missing piece." Those people may be better served to look in the mirror.

Numb, you had me thinking on this statement and how it relates to many of our situations. They will do anything to try and "feel special" when they already were to their husbands. My WW has had childhood abuse by her parents, don't know if anything physical but definitely verbal and should have seen the warning signs then. I think with me it was more about trying to help her out to be a better person given that I saw these issues and was still able to accept her.

Obviously the OM only were looking for one thing, if they knew it was unlikely why would they still spend the effort and just not move on to an easier (read more gullible) target ?

This hit home too as the OM are just POS that are unable to get attention from single women and find that it is easier to get laid by those women that they don't have to be serious with. I remember reading on here how the OM are like weasels, stealing eggs from the home owner in the middle of the night and to afraid/etc to be a man. Where we as the BM are like vikings able to have confidence to go out in the real world and interact with single women. Food for thought as we have this last day of 2013, here is to having a better 2014 to everyone on here.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he suspected something was going down with my wife last year. I was away for two weeks for work and he told me that some time around the middle of March 2012 he saw a strange car parked out in my driveway during school hours. He saw the car a couple of days there, and said it would be gone before the schoolbus came by to drop the kids off at 3:30p.m. The make and model sounds to me like the OM's car but I need to go back and look at the evidence I gathered last year.

Welcome to the *WW had OM in our bed* club. Its a nasty place to be.

Early in the PA OM would hide in our neighborhood and wait for me to leave for work then swoop in to bang the WW.

On some days WW went in early and they would both come back to our house for a banging lunch time.

I remember WW asking me to remove the middle seat in our mini van so she could haul some stuff around for work. Turns out that she and OM would take the van down to the beach and bang away to the pounding of the surf.

Several times I would travel for business and OM would be at our house allot.

One time in particular I was away for a month. OM came and lived at our house WITH MY KIDS THERE full time while I was gone. OM had told his BW that he was traveling for business. So OM was not just my bed. But my shower. And my 2 person bath tub with the fire place near by.

I am convinced that OM took souvenirs. Some of my things were missing when I returned from that month long trip. WW maintains OM would *never do that*. Yeh. Right. Such a honorable guy is he.

My solution to this pollution of my space was to move. To bad. It was a really nice house to.

Sometimes life just hands us a shit sandwich and all we can do is to take a bite and try and smile about it.

Sorry I have no soothing words. This is just another shitty thing we have to learn to live with.

You will get through it though. Hang tough.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OM...men in name only. Words don't adequately describe a man who sneaks into another man's home and bangs his wife in the marital bed. Or who bangs another man's wife anywhere, for that matter. "Men" (males) like that have no code, no standards, no honor.

DD, I'm sorry you're dealing with this brother. That's the life of a BM - getting your nose rubbed in the fact that another man used your wife as his personal blowup doll, with her enthusiastic consent. I understand how humiliating and insulting that would be (who knows, it probably happened to me once or twice although the wife denies it), but in the end does it really matter? Is there an acceptable location for another guy to screw your wife? If she's otherwise doing everything she needs to do for R, I hope you don't let this derail things.

But I get it. It always seems like a new round of horrors is coming your way.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,

Damn brother. So sorry to hear that. My wife had her AP at our house. Swears it was just for a few minutes. Yeah, I have trouble believing that too. Said she came back with him because she left "something" on. Whatever. Nothing else was sacred, so why should I expect my bedroom to be? Hell, she used our toys with him. If I ever find out this is a lie on my own, it's over. She's had enough chances to be honest.

Happy New Years gents. Champagne and Bud Light tonight. Come on 2014...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've noticed a trend today...a lot of this:
If I ever find out this is a lie on my own, it's over. She's had enough chances to be honest.
...which is something I totally agree with. If WW was honest and confessed something I never would've known, I think on some level I'd have to give her a little credit.... but like you guys said, if I find out some new info that I had previously gotten a different answer for, I think I'd absolutely flip my shit.

6 hours until the page turns on the worst year of my life.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've got a new policy. I just out every poser I run into. I found it tends to make life a little interesting from time to time.
I just have no tolerance for that s*** anymore at all.

gentleman here's to a happy new year for all of us.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD, on second thought, I would seriously flip my shit if I found out that my bed was infected by my wife's seedy affair. I couldn't blame you at all if it turns out to be a dealbreaker if true. It would probably be one for me, too.

Like Tred said, nothing is sacred. Nothing was in my case. If my wife didn't invite the OM into our home, it was only because he was single and had his own place for convenient, stress-free screws. If our home was the most convenient place? No question that's where it would have occurred.

To be honest, I'm pissed at your neighbor. What's the point in volunteering shit like that, especially during the holidays? You already knew about the affair and was trying to R. Why place negative thoughts about your own home in your head? It would be different if you didn't know about the affair and he was breaking it to you, with supporting evidence. But that's not the case here. Bad form IMO, especially coming from a fellow BM.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
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