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Newest Member: Alaris999 (44601)

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User Topic: DS 20 Update
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS20 turns 21 next Friday. Unfortunately for him he still cannot have his first legal drink because he is on probation from his conviction for passing bad checks.He was able to plea first offender status back in July which once he serves his probabtion then it will all be wiped off his record. He has 3-1/2 years out of a 4 year probation sentance left.

But now I just got a call from his L. The first thing that he was arrested for is a pot charge with intent to distribute. I wrote on a earlier thread that he was pulled over because the tags were way out of date and they arrested him for possession and two weapons charges because he had a pocket knife on him and a fixed blade in the car with him.

This afternoon the L finally got back to us. He said that DS was indicted and he has an arraignment hearing on Dec 3 at 9:00 am. He said he needs to have all his paperwork showing when he has gone to AA meetings and any check stubs.

He got hired at a job about a month ago. They told him they could hire him, brought him in and started training. The next day they said that the corporate office said that he could not work there until 5 years after his sentencing date and they let him go.

So now it comes down to the wire. He has to be ready to accept a deal on that day if the L can get one. Or whatever sentence they give him. It could mean prison time. Who knows what is going to happen.

The kid is stuck in neutral and I don't know how to get him off center short of throwning him on the street and I am not there yet and cannot do it yet. I know others here have and I feel so much for them. The kid isn't bad, he is lost. And doesn't have a lot of initiative.

This has me really shook up. Please pray for him that he can get iot together and that he is not given a harsh sentence when it is not necessary.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sending lots of prayers your way.

(((gahurts & son)))


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13701 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gahurts,

I know the feeling when you have a DS who breaks the law and you know they're not 'evil lawbreakers', just lost, addicted, stupid, whatever. I am constantly torn between our DS suffering natural consequences for his actions, and the feelings of knowing he's got a good heart, is really a big teddy bear who just cannot seem to find his way.

I will send good thoughts to your DS and include him in my prayers.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37146 | Registered: Sep 2007
Jeaniegirl
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because of his age and first offenses, please talk to his L about getting his case moved to drug court instead of criminal court. This could also help get free drug counseling and companies DO hire young people in such programs as it shows they are trying to move forward.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 967 | Registered: Feb 2005
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. It really helps me to feel such support.

Jeanie girl, He was arrested with 3 bags that were carefully weighed out and a scale. He's been charged with 3 felony counts - one for the drugs and the other two for weapons charges. My L is trying just about everythign he knows how to - but I will suggest it and see what he says. THX


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Gahurts & DS)))

Saying prayers and sending mojo.


Posts: 34459 | Registered: Mar 2011
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gahurts)))

Prayers for strength for you to face whatever comes next.

Prayers for your DS that the system is lenient with him if possible and that he gets his rear outta neutral if presented with the gift of leniency.


Posts: 1228 | Registered: Feb 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gahurts))) Oh my gosh, I know a little of what you are going through. I am sorry this is so darn hard. for you.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2625 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GA, this may be hard to swallow, but maybe a harsh sentence is what is needed to catch your DS's attention and focus him on straightening out his life. I'm not saying give up on him, but you have to realize you have no control over this situation. Let the attorney do what he can, accept whatever is handed down and move forward from there.

You're a good dad; you love each other, and you both will get through this.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19968 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((gahurts))))

Sending strength to you and DS. I understand your heartache.

((((gahurts))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2541 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gahurts, I have nothing to add that could help you, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7166 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you good thoughts


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1610 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

Sad, I understand what you are saying and I agree with you. My worry is that we live in a tough county and it would not be justified for him to spend many months or years in prison for this. There are so many bigger fish to fry yet some counties want to make an example of small time kids who are doing something wrong but in the grand scheme of things it is fairly small.

He is feeling the effects of his actions and is concerned but it hasn't translated into action yet. Now the other night he applied for three jobs online. I told him he needs to be applying to at least two every day.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please say a prayer that the hearing goes smoothly tomorrow. I really want DS21 to get the message and be rattled just enough to be motivated but to not be seriously punished.

His L says that jail time is likely but we do not know how much or if it will be jail or prison. Also he says that Ds will not likely be taken into custody right then but would have time to sort out his affairs. His mother and I are really hoping that any confinement can start after the new year but I really question if they would give him an entire month.

I am really upset with this whole thing and am having trouble keeping the depression away. I'm trying not to let it drag me down but I am really not very hopeful.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending prayers and good thoughts for the hearing.

(((gahurts)))


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 16844 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're in my thoughts today, Gahurts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37146 | Registered: Sep 2007
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((gahurts & DS))))) Sending you both strength.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24770 | Registered: Aug 2011
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gahurts)))

I have been in your shoes. My son finally just got off probation this summer.

It has been a long 5 years.

We struggle with him being a good kid vs doing something wrong. Ultimately, because of his choices we had to ask him to leave our house. He was really lost and making bad choices over and over again.

It is the hardest thing in the world to do and nobody can tell you what is good for your child. It is quite a personal journey.

Prayers for you both tonight and tomorrow. I am sure your heart is in your throat and you will worry until it's done.

Hope it all goes ok and he comes out on the other side a little wiser.

(((hugs)))


ďAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossomĒ
AnaÔs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3792 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((gahurts & DS))))

Sending MOJO and strength your way for tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you both.

((((gahurts & DS))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2541 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((GA)))

I hope things go well tomorrow. I can imagine how stressful this is for you. Sending mojo and positive thoughts for you and your son.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7791 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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