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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

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User Topic: Calling all BSs...
Dyinghere
♀ Member
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to read this several times.




Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had found SI on D-Day instead of 6 months later.

I wish I had could have read nomadlady's research paper on D-Day instead of several years later.

Both would have saved a lot of grief. I didn't do everything wrong; I did some things very right. But this site and articles like this would have made the path more clear. It's just plain hard to think straight when you're hit with a cheating spouse after 35 yrs of M.

Thank you. You nailed it all.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Newme123
♀ Member
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great words of wisdom. Now I just need to follow them myself.


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very clear and precise. Makes a good read for everyone. I love this post. Thank you so much :)

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Want To Wake Up
♀ Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me 54
WH 54
Met 1978
Married 1981
DDay 2009
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 477 | Registered: Mar 2011
Shocked2believe
♀ Member
Member # 41010
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a incredible post. Thank you for that. I agree, it should perhaps go into the Healing Library. All new BS to SI should read it. Let's keep it going. .....


Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very very good post, easy to read but covers all of the important aspects of betrayal. I think it will help new BSs feel more "normal" with the inevitable emotions they will sadly go through at the beginning.

Agreed, this needs to stay at the top!

Bravo, I think this will give a lot of people strength. And ultimately, that's all we want.


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! You are a great researcher, what I wouldn't of done to have read this when I had just found out!
This really needs to be in both the Healing Library and the JUST FOUND OUT forum!

Mods, please don't let this gem get lost..


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All veryy true. Great job.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nomad - I'm impressed. Very well covered. This is definitely good advice whether your a newbie or been here for a while.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another vote for the Healing Library.

Bravo.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Stillheart
♂ New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent summary of what the BS deals with. Good read for all.


Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I scrolled through and took screen shots of the whole thing so that I can go back and reread it.
That was extremely well done. Thank you.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent post
Thank you for taking the time.
So concise and to the point.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
TheRealDeal
♀ Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for this. you are certainly in the right career field and am sure you are successful

This is another vote for the Healing Library.


Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great Post Nomad - Thank you.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1880 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius. No more words, other than thank you.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius.

^^^^totally agree.

If not added to the Healing Library, this looks like the start of a second career as an author! You've managed to sum it all up, clearly and concisely. Wow! While I know all of this to be true already, it helps to see it there, all wrapped up with a nice little bow.

Yep, the risks are high. I'm cautious and not a gambler by nature... so why on earth am I trying to R? Can you take that on in "Chapter 2"? Actually, you can skip the diagnosis... I think I already know... sigh.

Keep up the great posts. I look forward to reading more. Best of luck with your journey.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent. Thank you.

Bumped to the top.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank You

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 105
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