Topic: Calling all BSs...
Member # 41313
| Posted: 8:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I need to read this several times.
Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
Member # 27071
| Posted: 8:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I wish I had found SI on D-Day instead of 6 months later.
I wish I had could have read nomadlady's research paper on D-Day instead of several years later.
Both would have saved a lot of grief. I didn't do everything wrong; I did some things very right. But this site and articles like this would have made the path more clear. It's just plain hard to think straight when you're hit with a cheating spouse after 35 yrs of M.
Thank you. You nailed it all.
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.
Posts: 525 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Member # 41119
| Posted: 9:50 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
Great words of wisdom. Now I just need to follow them myself.
Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R
Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 38921
| Posted: 11:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
Very clear and precise. Makes a good read for everyone. I love this post. Thank you so much :)
Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
|Want To Wake Up |
Member # 31583
| Posted: 12:24 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI
Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 41010
| Posted: 2:19 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
What a incredible post. Thank you for that. I agree, it should perhaps go into the Healing Library. All new BS to SI should read it. Let's keep it going. .....
Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'
Posts: 123 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40592
| Posted: 4:03 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Very very good post, easy to read but covers all of the important aspects of betrayal. I think it will help new BSs feel more "normal" with the inevitable emotions they will sadly go through at the beginning.
Agreed, this needs to stay at the top!
Bravo, I think this will give a lot of people strength. And ultimately, that's all we want.
Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending
Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
Member # 38271
| Posted: 6:54 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Wow! You are a great researcher, what I wouldn't of done to have read this when I had just found out!
This really needs to be in both the Healing Library and the JUST FOUND OUT forum!
Mods, please don't let this gem get lost..
"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~
Posts: 529 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 23777
| Posted: 7:13 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
All veryy true. Great job.
The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
DDAYs TOO MANY
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.
Posts: 1411 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 34086
| Posted: 7:23 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Nomad - I'm impressed. Very well covered. This is definitely good advice whether your a newbie or been here for a while.
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 4073 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 35229
| Posted: 7:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Another vote for the Healing Library.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♂ New Member
Member # 27322
| Posted: 8:25 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Excellent summary of what the BS deals with. Good read for all.
8 month affair
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well
Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
Member # 40769
| Posted: 11:12 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I scrolled through and took screen shots of the whole thing so that I can go back and reread it.
That was extremely well done. Thank you.
Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
14 years- 2 middle school children
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC
Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 40758
| Posted: 11:33 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Thank you for taking the time.
So concise and to the point.
Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39560
| Posted: 11:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Thank you so much for this. you are certainly in the right career field and am sure you are successful
This is another vote for the Healing Library.
Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.
Posts: 255 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
Member # 29295
| Posted: 11:42 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Great Post Nomad - Thank you.
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Posts: 1893 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 36857
| Posted: 2:18 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius. No more words, other than thank you.
Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"
Posts: 966 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 40144
| Posted: 7:43 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius.
If not added to the Healing Library, this looks like the start of a second career as an author! You've managed to sum it all up, clearly and concisely. Wow! While I know all of this to be true already, it helps to see it there, all wrapped up with a nice little bow.
Yep, the risks are high. I'm cautious and not a gambler by nature... so why on earth am I trying to R? Can you take that on in "Chapter 2"? Actually, you can skip the diagnosis... I think I already know... sigh.
Keep up the great posts. I look forward to reading more. Best of luck with your journey.
Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...
Posts: 737 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Member # 34770
| Posted: 1:22 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
Excellent. Thank you.
Bumped to the top.
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Posts: 809 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 28997
| Posted: 2:10 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
Married 32yrs Me BW 58Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"
Posts: 2757 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
|Topic Posts: 107|
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