Topic: Calling all BSs...
Member # 41313
| Posted: 8:41 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I need to read this several times.
Posts: 170 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 27071
| Posted: 8:55 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
I wish I had found SI on D-Day instead of 6 months later.
I wish I had could have read nomadlady's research paper on D-Day instead of several years later.
Both would have saved a lot of grief. I didn't do everything wrong; I did some things very right. But this site and articles like this would have made the path more clear. It's just plain hard to think straight when you're hit with a cheating spouse after 35 yrs of M.
Thank you. You nailed it all.
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.
Posts: 597 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 41119
| Posted: 9:50 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
Great words of wisdom. Now I just need to follow them myself.
Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R
Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 38921
| Posted: 11:51 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013|
Very clear and precise. Makes a good read for everyone. I love this post. Thank you so much :)
Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
|Want To Wake Up |
Member # 31583
| Posted: 12:24 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI
Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 41010
| Posted: 2:19 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
What a incredible post. Thank you for that. I agree, it should perhaps go into the Healing Library. All new BS to SI should read it. Let's keep it going. .....
Me: BS Married 11 years, together 21
Him:WH - EA/PA with engaged COW = "her" ideal : fiancÚ, WH and her in commune (WTF?).
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don'
Posts: 128 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40592
| Posted: 4:03 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Very very good post, easy to read but covers all of the important aspects of betrayal. I think it will help new BSs feel more "normal" with the inevitable emotions they will sadly go through at the beginning.
Agreed, this needs to stay at the top!
Bravo, I think this will give a lot of people strength. And ultimately, that's all we want.
Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending
Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
Member # 38271
| Posted: 6:54 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Wow! You are a great researcher, what I wouldn't of done to have read this when I had just found out!
This really needs to be in both the Healing Library and the JUST FOUND OUT forum!
Mods, please don't let this gem get lost..
I edit - because I hate misspellings or grammar mistakes.
"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~
Posts: 590 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 23777
| Posted: 7:13 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
All veryy true. Great job.
The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
DDAYs TOO MANY
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.
Posts: 1411 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 34086
| Posted: 7:23 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Nomad - I'm impressed. Very well covered. This is definitely good advice whether your a newbie or been here for a while.
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 4246 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 35229
| Posted: 7:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Another vote for the Healing Library.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5848 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♂ New Member
Member # 27322
| Posted: 8:25 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Excellent summary of what the BS deals with. Good read for all.
8 month affair
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well
Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
Member # 40769
| Posted: 11:12 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
I scrolled through and took screen shots of the whole thing so that I can go back and reread it.
That was extremely well done. Thank you.
Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 40
Him- FWS 36
DD- 14 and DS- 13
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
full truth: November 14, 2013
A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC
Working on R
Posts: 801 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 40758
| Posted: 11:33 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Thank you for taking the time.
So concise and to the point.
Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39560
| Posted: 11:36 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Thank you so much for this. you are certainly in the right career field and am sure you are successful
This is another vote for the Healing Library.
Me (BS): 46 him (fws): 54
together 18 years
DDay1, DDay2, Dday 3: March thru June 2013
in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.
Posts: 318 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
Member # 29295
| Posted: 11:42 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Great Post Nomad - Thank you.
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Posts: 1960 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 36857
| Posted: 2:18 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius. No more words, other than thank you.
Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"
Posts: 1053 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 40144
| Posted: 7:43 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013|
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius.
If not added to the Healing Library, this looks like the start of a second career as an author! You've managed to sum it all up, clearly and concisely. Wow! While I know all of this to be true already, it helps to see it there, all wrapped up with a nice little bow.
Yep, the risks are high. I'm cautious and not a gambler by nature... so why on earth am I trying to R? Can you take that on in "Chapter 2"? Actually, you can skip the diagnosis... I think I already know... sigh.
Keep up the great posts. I look forward to reading more. Best of luck with your journey.
Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...
Posts: 847 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Member # 34770
| Posted: 1:22 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
Excellent. Thank you.
Bumped to the top.
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Posts: 899 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 28997
| Posted: 2:10 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013|
Married 32yrs Me BW 58Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"
Posts: 2767 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
|Topic Posts: 107|
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