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Newest Member: LionessRoar (44598)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Has your ex asked you for a loan?
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!!

If you feel fear, do not try to justify it, do not try to explain it, just GET OUT! You are not being dramatic, your sixth sense is there to help you. Believe it.

Please, leave now, take your daughter and get out.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6510 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen to what pentup said. Listen to your gut.

Yes, passive aggressive people stay passive aggressive. It is who they are. They don't outgrow it and the only way the change is if they recognize it and want to change ~ most don't.

Passive aggressives are bottom line, chicken shit. Likely to snap. No warning. No rational.

Stay safe. For my situation, I did all that I could to stay safe (install security cameras, filed a police report after he forced his way into home, changed living will, informed others). My stbx did some crazy passive shit with the underlying aggressive shit. I had to do a lot of work in IC. I'm not living in fear but I don't trust him at all.

Do not be frightened into loaning him the money. That is exactly what he is trying to do. Even if you did loan him the money, nothing changes. The next time he wants something from you, the same behaviors/attitude will come out. Giving in this time does not mean it's the end.

Take care!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2140 | Registered: Oct 2012
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have moved out to a safe location. My attorney and a trusted friend know where I am, no one else.

I felt so afraid yesterday and today. He was so angry about the money. If looks could kill, I would be dead.... When I spoke to him on the phone this morning it made my blood run cold, he sounded so weird and disconnected. I just had this gut fear come up and I tried to talk myself out of it but it was there.

How could I have fallen for this for so many years and given in so many times to his bullying and not even realized I was being bullied?

I am so afraid he is going to snap.

I emailed him, short and to the point.

Now he is texting me asking me to call him. I assume the SI advice is to ignore that. There is nothing to say.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has emailed me:

1. He wants to see DD - fine, I will bring her to him
2. He says he will move out of the house
3. He is asking for the additional $20k on the basis that that s what is "fair" and it will be covered by business income
4. He says there was no reason for me to move out

This is all after we signed a legal separation agreement. His whole thing is that the divorc is financially unfair on him. It's not. He is just coming back asking for more.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You owe him nothing. Not One Damned Thing. I frankly, would not bother to arrange a visit with DD until after Thanksgiving, but if you feel that you must let him see her, don't you drop off or pick her up unless you have someone with you. Do not be alone with this man.

Your gut instincts have been right every time that you've listened to them. They are right now. He's threatening you and he's extremely likely to escalate into violence to get his way. Please treat him as the rabid dog that he is showing you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4681 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skan, can you just fly in and take over?

I'm meeting him at a restaurant. I'm OK with that.

Should I point out the 100 ways in which the divorce is a very good deal for him? No SS, no liabilities, me paying everything school and medical-related for DD, his business free and clear to him.

Or is this all some game I don't know the rules to?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jemimapd))). I am so glad you moved out. I would feel better if you were not seeing him at all. Please check in so we know you are ok after the dinner. Keeping ou in my thoughts and prayers


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6510 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pentup, he is taking her for lunch today while I run some errands.

The hearing is on Wednesday so I don't know what will happen then or what is going to happen over Thanksgiving.

Right now all I can do is take it one day at a time.

He is still pushing for the extra $20k.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got you all prayed up! as they like to say here, "the devil wants ice water in hell, but he ain't getting that either. "

Give him 20000 crickets until the divorce is final. Stay vigilant and safe.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6510 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks pentup.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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