Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: JaneDoe11 (44948)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Friend sending racy pics of wife
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found them because every once in a while I check my FWH texts and to my surprise I find a close up pic of lace underwear on his former co-worker's wife.
This guy also was a cheater who was caught (not even 2 years ago). I have always thought he was a low-life, although you would not know it by his nice house, 2 beautiful kids, good job... but his FB page used to have him as an "owner" of some kind of online adult toy store". Also description he used of himself was "a little bit of the freak in him".
Need I say more? When I saw this pic I thought he was trying to lure my husband into some kind of threesome or some other kinky thing. Then yesterday I looked on line to see he was sent another pic from him, but when I got to my FWH phone, it wasn't there (deleted obviously).
Do I send a text to this pervert telling him to stop sending my husband pics of his wife or is there is something else I should do?

Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Friend? Who's "friend" is this? Not your friend. He isn't a friend of the marriage. Then I would imagine he isn't a friend of your FWH's. I would expect my FWH to go NC with this so called "friend". I wouldn't bother with sending so called "friend" a message. I would ask my FWH to block the number. In fact, I would insist upon it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9655 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah - this isn't porn...this is a lady who he's likely met and spent time with. Not cool that he's not telling you (though again, he's likely to not want to rock the boat and hope you don't see it). I too agree, this 'friend' shouldn't be allowed in your marriage to screw with it like he's doing.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you spoken to your H about the pic? If your H is on the up and up with you, and committed to R, he should have already told the guy to stop sending him pics. IMO your H should be so disgusted that the man would send a pic of his own W, that he (your H) would tell the guy he is a sicko and to F off. What kind of person sends pics of their spouse to another person?

Definitely talk to your H, and make sure he cuts the nut off. block him on FB, everything. Get him out of your lives. It will be easy, since he is a <former> coworker and he doesn't have to be around him at work anymore.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In fact, your H should suggest the <former> coworker cuts both his nuts off. (I couldn't resist the pun.)


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmm... So sorry, this is revolting but it
all sounds very suspect to me.
Are you sure that the photos are from the 'friend'?
They could be from the wife but she's stored as a contact on your husband's phone as her husband's name... dig further...something doesn't ring true...

Sadly, OW#1 was stored on WH's phone under MY name.... Grrrrr


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
jackson
♂ Member
Member # 18819
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the same thought as Truly.

Posts: 790 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Midwest
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do I send a text to this pervert telling him to stop sending my husband pics of his wife or is there is something else I should do?

If your husband's behavior indicates acceptance or encouragement, it never does any good to contact the OW/OM/badly behaving friend or any other outside person to try to stop the behavior. The only person who can put a stop to this is your husband and if he is unwilling to do so, you will only be wasting your time and your husband will paint you as the control freak wife and he's so sorry you sent that horrible message. The source of the problem is your husband and that's where the focus should be.

The only way this will stop with outside contact is if the wife doesn't know her husband is sharing their intimate photos and you contact her.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 5:11 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4089 | Registered: Sep 2005
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1 - your husband needs to unfriend him in real life. Sending pictures like that is highly inappropriate.

2 - your husband needs to learn how to set boundaries. He needs to tell this person that it isn't cool to send him stuff like that and it isn't appreciated.

If you're friends or know his wife, you may also want to let her know what is going on.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is not my friend. I have been around him very few times, and once my husband told me he was cheating on his wife - it sealed the deal for me. I have told my FWH many times what I think of this guy, but he seems to always be available to golf because of his hours. this guy I think looks up to my husband who is 20 years older than him. My husband has no discretion-!f you like him- he likes you. Wants the world to like him. I find it a terrible personality trait.

I haven't told my husband because I don't want to hear bullshit or anger. I just don't have it in me right now.

It's definitely the guys wife. He wrote Mmmm under the picture to which my husband wrote back - nice shot. Which the other guy replied- oh Yeahhhh.

I wasnt going to say anything because I thought it was just a big jerk doing something idiotic like send a pic of his wife but when I saw another' pic was sent yesterday but deleted off my husbands phone- I thought okay now I have to do something.


Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS- I don't really know his wife- have met her a few times and not sure if this is just my thoughts running away - but she was at a PORN convention with her husband in Las Vegas (I guess because of their side business ) and even though she looks like apple pie mom with 2 kids and is a medical professional -!i would not put it past her to be okay with sending photos to my husband. The 3 x I met her I was uneasy- like she was interested in my husband. I dont usually react like that but I just uncomfortable.

Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1 - your husband needs to unfriend him in real life. Sending pictures like that is highly inappropriate.
2 - your husband needs to learn how to set boundaries. He needs to tell this person that it isn't cool to send him stuff like that and it isn't appreciated.

You need to do this. I would add that your husband needs to end the "friendship" with this man immediately. You need to take action and not back down. Silence gives consent. Silence also will destroy your marriage. I understand you feel empty inside. I totally get that, I was there. I kept silent because I didn't want to make myself a target for his wrath. Look where I am now.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 3 x I met her I was uneasy- like she was interested in my husband. I dont usually react like that but I just uncomfortable.
This is very important and what I think everyone is trying to say: Are you SURE it isn't HER sending the pics??

Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl- I agree. I would love for him to cut this a-hole out of his life but I don't think my husband will. I think he likes him & totally looks past this guys huge flaws, which I won't go into.
My husband hasnt cheated on me with another woman in years now - but what he does do is lie - to get what he wants, to do what he wants...
Like Says I'm working late (most times it's to meet up after work for dinners/drinks which he knows I hate)

Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature girl- I agree. But I just keep thinking if I text this guy & say
Listen - stop sending pictures of your wife to my husband. I don't know what you're into & I don't care, but what I do care about is my marriage and if you care about yours don't let it happen again. I have left (husband's name) out of this and that's how I want to keep it. If you don't want me to contact your wife - knock it off.

Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
last_time
♀ Member
Member # 18200
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not from her number - I don't even know it. The husbands wrist is partially in the picture & I can see his watch and i know his phone #.

i have no idea if she said to her husband - Sure, send the pic. Like ] I said I don't know if they're trying to get my husband involved in some weird sexual thing, which I cannot ever imagine him doing, but definitely my FWH would love the fantasy
or this guy is just such a low life a-hole that he sent it just thinking it was cool to do that.
Only thing is I also have no idea what the 2nd pic was because it was deleted, but online it said a pic was sent . I looked back for months and as far as I could tell he has never sent a pic before- so I think I caught it right away.


Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: northeast
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2x4

No, your husband needs to send a No Contact letter to this guy. He's acting in an entirely Wayward manner, and not just with ignoring your concern about the soft-porn pictures.

Why didn't he tell you about it himself?
Why are you walking on eggshells & deleting them for him w/o telling him?
Why does he ignore your concerns about stopping someplace after work?
Why are you blindly believing that he's completely innocent now?
Why do you think you should contact this guy when you have no relationship with him?
What do you think you're protecting?

I'm concerned for YOU. You're acting in ways that are codependent. There are all kinds of red flags waving here, we all see them, but you seem to just see things tinted rose.

Would you please read a book? Boundaries in Marriage, by Cloud & Townsend. Right now your husband is bulldozing over you, and you're lying down & letting it happen. You don't really think you can keep a man faithful by being nice, do you?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you so afraid to confront your WH? This post has red flags all over the place and each time someone notes one, you brush it off.

Just what, exactly, are you looking for with this thread?

Something is not right with this "friend" of your WS. Are you in R? I don't know your story, but I'm guessing this isn't your first rodeo with this WH, right?

Your WH accepted racy photos of another woman
From someone in the porn industry
He replied "nice shot"
He deleted another photo from same number
Has not told you about any of this

What more do you need?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then the next question is this, why are with a man who continues with behavior that you find offensive? Why are you with someone who has no regard for your feelings and doesn't take that into consideration with his actions?

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
standinghere
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband has no discretion-!f you like him- he likes you. Wants the world to like him. I find it a terrible personality trait.

Bad trait in anyone. Easily drawn into all sorts of questionable behavior. Tolerance for inappropriate behavior. He needs to do some work on himself, with IC, or you can never trust him. Slippery friends, slippery behavior, and hiding it all.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 973 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.