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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A Good Day
Lola7
♀ Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is easily the biggest heartbreak Ive ever experienced in my life. But there is just no way to fix it. He even said there is no way Id trust him again, that wed never rebuild after this, and hes right. And especially since hes not willing to fight for us, I certainly cant fight for this marriage on my own. I give up. Ive tapped out. Theres nothing more I can do. Lord knows I tried last night. When we talked on the phone, the first time in 3 weeks, he finally started to fall apart; It made me feel kind of good. I actually had to force out my waterworks to match him, just to see if hed keep it up. And he did. Lol

He cries for himself. Not for me or what hes done to me. I realize this now. He is only trying to manipulate me and somehow control the flow of the divorce. I cant allow him to do this to me.

In less than three weeks since my DDay, I have managed the following:
Im still breathing and upright
I moved all his shit out of our room and made it mine the very night I found out.
I packed his shit and had it ready for him and he has completely moved out within the first week.
Outted the affair to the OW's husband.
I secured a lawyer, a therapist, Xanax, and Prozac.
I managed to get back to work and am improving every day.
I am floored by the kindness and sweet words of complete strangers here, and just on the street when I make small talk and tell them Hi. Im getting divorced!
I sleep as much as my body wants and I drink plenty of water.
I ask for help, something Ive never done in my entire life.
I am so very grateful for the friends I have who have literally saved my life that first week.

I might lose the house, but I don't know if I even care anymore. The truth is, I swim in it, but I'll make up my mind later if I want to stay. I don't have to make that decision now.

So all is not lost; obviously today is a good day. This man has brought me the single greatest heartbreak of my entire life. But one thing I know, Ill never have to worry about him doing it to me again.

[This message edited by Lola7 at 5:42 PM, November 25th (Monday)]


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Embrace the good days. Drink in the kindness of friends and family. Even strangers. Keep taking care of yourself. Always remember this process takes time. Legal and emotional. You don't have to do it all at once.

You're off to a great start. Embrace the wins, remember this feeling when you have downturns on the roller coaster.

We'll get through this together.

(((lola7)))


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lola)))
I ask for help, something Ive never done in my entire life
This is a HUGE deal, honey. Good for you!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an incredible post. You are doing GREAT! Be proud of yourself during the good, strong moments, and be easy on yourself during the down, sad moments. It really is a rollercoaster, so stay prepared. You can be up one day and down the next. I don't mean to rain on your awesome sunny post, lol... I just want you to know it happens and it's normal. When I hit a downward swoop, after riding pretty high, I thought I was failing, or breaking... or going backwards in some way. But I wasn't and you won't either. So if that "feeling" hits you, don't panic.

You're doing great and you will be okay.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 814 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is amazing. Just amazing. I cried rivers of tears when I reached this place. Acceptance was enormously painful.

The silver lining?....

Ill never have to worry about him doing it to me again.

^^THIS. Such a simple little sentence. This is what comforted me in my darkest days. The Dr Phil-ism "The only thing worse than wasting X years in a bad marriage is wasting X years and 1 day in a bad marriage."

((Lola7)) You've so got this honey. Keep doing what you're doing. Ride the troughs and bask in the sunshine of the highs. This damned roller coaster is a bumpy ride sometimes but its all worth it when you catch glimpses of the future. At first they are just little glimpses but then the picture widens.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5554 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for posting this! I needed to read "I'll never have to worry about him doing it to me again".


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 562 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've already come so far. Good for you!!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Lola7
♀ Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really is a roller coaster. But I have to believe this has happened as it did for a reason. I feel like God/Universe has a plan for me so I don't need to do anything but just Be Still and allow it to all untangle itself.

Of course I don't like that the plan left me curb-stomped and feeling incapacitated, but I'll just have to push through it. I know I'll have good days and bad, but each day gets a tiny, tiny bit better.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Lola. You are doing great, getting things done. The therapy is a lifesaver as is the Xanax and Prozac :)

Maybe he will regret it someday and realize what an ass he was, but you will be long gone.

That is great emotional progress in 3 weeks! I was still in shock wandering around enjoying the xanax and prozac wonderng when the aliens were going to return my husband or when I would wake up from the nightmare...


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go Lola! Amazing to do so much in so little time.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lola)))


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4775 | Registered: Feb 2008
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Lola))

Sounds like you're on the right track.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Topic Posts: 12

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