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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this really true?
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC gave me a statistic today that 80% of people who divorce because of infidelity regret their decision. I've never seen a statistic that high. For those of you divorced a remorseful WS or not, did you regret that you did?

[This message edited by 41andthankful at 3:01 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not. Divorcing was the best decision I could have made and I've never regretted it.

Posts: 13353 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MAYBE 80% of the WS regret it, but I'm betting the BS side of that is NO WAY close to that number.

Did I want a divorce? No. Do I regret it? What choice did I have? Just let him keep treating me and my kids like crap, while sleeping with skanks? Umm, no. No regret here.


BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5217 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't believe that statistic but if they asked me I most definitely do NOT regret my decision to file for D.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 3:46 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1566 | Registered: May 2011
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only regret that I didn't do it sooner.


Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)

The Cheater:
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Married 18yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 5503 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No regrets. I tried to "fix" my marriage for well over a year.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure where your IC is getting that statistic from but I don't trust it. I don't know of anyone who divorced because of infidelity that regretted it. (I am sure there are some, but I don't know any personally.)

I am done with my WS and very, very glad.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14905 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
gardens64
♀ Member
Member # 38449
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I can see how the WS would regret it but not 80% across the board. The BS I see here have given many chances before pulling the final trigger..

Posts: 54 | Registered: Feb 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't regret divorcing a lying cheater.

I do regret that our marriage fell apart, that he felt cheating was the right way to deal with his issues, that MC didn't help him fix what was broken... I could go on.

But I don't regret the decision to divorce him. He became a person unrecognizable to most of the people who loved him. Sure, he has found a new crop of people who support his crazy now (including family members that he thought were leeches and users but now miraculously they are besties).

Eh. Whatever. No way can that stat be true for the BS.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3233 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone here repeated that same statistic a year or so ago. It was as absurd then as it is now. I think there must be some bizarre cult or "marriages must be saved at all costs no matter what" class offered at certain universities.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8751 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. Given what people go through after infidelity, I just couldn't imagine that high of a number regretting a decision to divorce.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not there yet, just seriously contemplating divorce. I hope there are no regrets if it happens. I regret that I wasn't able to be a husband that she wanted to love, honor, and cherish. That she saw me as someone that she could betray often and easily without conscience. That her horrible choices have put me in the position of having to choose her or a broken home for our children. Maybe the last part is where much of the regret comes from? That number still seems way too high.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1025 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. I'm not divorced yet. However, I know that being separated I feel good about knowing that a) I am not being restricted anymore (social abuse), and b) that I don't have to worry about him giving me some VD because he slept with some whore without protection.

I am no fortune-teller, but I am pretty sure I will not regret a divorce between WH and myself.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way that statistic can be true. I'd definitely ask the MC for support for that number. I'd also probably look for a different MC since this one likes to make up figures.

Every person I know in real life who has divorced a cheater has no regrets (with the possible exception of wishing they'd done it sooner.)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3097 | Registered: Dec 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not. He's done nothing to improve himself - he absolutely would have done it again, and I refuse to live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Your IC is definitely off base. I think understanding the true affects of infidelity is difficult for IC's unless they've had experience in the area.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC gave me a statistic today that 80% of people who divorce because of infidelity regret their decision.

Maybe that's the WS secret thoughts? Like others said, I only regret not D'ing XH sooner.

For those of you divorced a remorseful WS or not, did you regret that you did?

I don't think most of us here have a remorseful WS. If my XH had been remorseful, I'd have at least given him a chance to R the M.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read that- I remember it was 80% of those who divorce while in an affair.


So I think it's 80% of WS-which would make sense


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1658 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
StillCoping74
♀ New Member
Member # 32677
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.ivillage.com/14-surprising-facts-about-marriage-affairs-divorce/4-a-283381

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jul 2011
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think most of us here have a remorseful WS. If my XH had been remorseful, I'd have at least given him a chance to R the M.

I asked because my WH is remorseful and has made a lot of changes that are noticeable to all around him. I am glad he is getting healthy. I just don't have it in me to reconcile at the moment. Who knows if that will change, but I am on the path to divorce. There is a one year physical separation here so that won't be filed until June 2014. Thanks all for answering.


Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
Got2GO
♀ Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only remorseful that I actually married him knowing that he cheated on me before we got married!_


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Topic Posts: 30
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