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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Visitation Idiocy
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

X has gone away for the last 3 Christmases with MOW(fiancee now).
I found out last Thursday in a phone conversation that he is leaving on Dec. 18th. During that phone conversation he let me know that his parents were in town for the weekend and they wanted to see the kids. I said that it's good they were here now because the upcoming weekends are really busy and the only free day we had was Sunday Nov. 24th.
After their activities on Sunday we hung around the house thinking that his parents would call to come over. Nope. No calls and X had been NC with the kids since Friday night.
Until last night.
DA X called.
He said he wanted to take the kids to the cottage this weekend to see the snow and maybe get their ski equipment.

I TOLD YOU LAST WEEK (just 5 days ago) THAT WE WERE BUSY BUSY BUSY FOR THE MONTH OF DECEMBER.

Unbelievable. He just does not listen. I told him that LAST WEEKEND was the last free time they had until XMAS. Holy shit what an asshole.
He hemmed and hawed and tried to wheedle out a time. They have birthday parties, XMAS parties, a karate grad, piano recital, hockey games, a play that I bought tickets for, it's also my birthday the day before he leaves so my "party" is scheduled for the sunday before etc. etc.

I TOLD HIM. He doesn't listen.

He also wanted to take them to Frozen tonight and I told him I wanted to see it too but we couldn't go tonight because we have a dental appointment.

It's not like he wasn't warned. He just doesn't choose to hear what I say.

It infuriates me. I told him also that it was not so long ago that he was part of all these plans and he should remember how busy the month of December gets with their schedule.

Holy fucking shit what an entitled idiot.

He said that they won't ski until next year then and I said, "well who's fault is that?" He said, "I guess mine."
Dumb ass fucktard asshole. How is this my fault? How do you blame me for this as well?

Don't want to deal with this anymore.

I'm just so angry that I actually told him we were busy and he just disregarded that information. He only told me 5 days ago that he was leaving on the 18th. Does he think I filled their schedule in that time so that he doesn't get to see them before he goes? That stuff has been scheduled since shortly after Halloween.
Arghhhh!!

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 11:49 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not to make light of your post or anything, but believe it or not, this is common practice, Lola. It sucks.

I get it here with DD and some friends get it also. Yes, it is the entitlement and we think an attempt to still have some type of control on the given up family. Yet when I or friends used to ask for extra time, it was no. That's why we think it's control.

They hear. Each and every word.

Perv tries constantly to rearrange what I say and sometimes I have to work harder to not cancel something like a dentist. I think its a type of bullying, like trying to see how high that I will jump to still please him. I don't anymore and if it makes him angry, I don't answer. It sounds kind of similar.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Ashland, I think he really did want me to cancel something to accomodate him.
I won't do it.
Thanks.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lola)))

Any way that you can have all communication go through e-mail?

And good for you for recognizing he's just doing this for control and for standing your ground. Let's hope he actually starts listening, but I'm not holding my breath.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Dec 2011
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ESPECIALLY since your X likes to just breeze into town every few months, there is no way I would change any plans you have made. He must learn to plan in ADVANCE. You can't "not" make plans just in case he might show up month to month.

You've got this Lola. I know you do.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5429 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually emailed ex the website that lists all of DS' basketball games, I printed off various schedules for vacations..etc...and he still calls me to ask when things are.

There are times I am amazed he can talk without drooling on himself. I don't know if it is because they don't listen or just don't care because it doesn't pertain directly to them.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But he still lives here, devistatedmom.
He hasn't moved to Switzerland yet because he cannot find a job. He said that he couldn't figure out a way to go and still pay child support. Apparently he is not ready to just go deadbeat.

He phones the kids approximately once a week. They get maybe 5 minutes between the 2 of them.
He comes over to the house occasionally for about an hour. This happens maybe twice a month.
Right now, I suspect he is working extra time to take in lieu since he has little vacation left.

He has taken them on 5 overnights for 2013. His parents are always present during the visitation overnights.

Phmh: He usually texts. He rarely tries to call me specifically because he knows I just let it go to voicemail, but has asked the girls to pass the phone to me the last 2 or 3 phone calls.
He very rarely emails me. I guess he doesn't want a paper trail. I have all of his texts saved and I am going to export them as soon as I have time during the holidays.

Also, from another thread of mine...The big news is that he actually bought them the iPads they want for Christmas. I think he is feeling really guilty. Or he just likes to look like Disney dad.
Originally he was grumbling that he didn't want them to become couch potatoes and they would have to give him assurances that they would do outside activities in exchange for the iPads. Believe me, these kids are not couch potatoes and if he ever really had helped out with their activities he would know that. It's like a slap in my face once again.

I can't wait until Dec. 18th.
Have fun with your new family fucktard.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just don't care because it doesn't pertain directly to them.

I think it's this^^^^


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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