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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: X MIL rushed to hospital, NC broken...it sucks
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Helpless  Posted: 1:16 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not spoken to XPOS since July. I limited communication to USPS except for emergencies in October. It has been very healing having absolute NC. That came to a crashing halt today when DD22 called me in hysterics about getting a call from her dad saying her grandma was rushed to hospital. I didn't know what was going on and told her I would call XPOS and find out what was going on and call her back. The very thought of calling him made me sick, but I figured this fell in the emergency category so I was still abiding by my own boundaries. I have been on the phone with XPOS throughout the day, and I hate it. He found XMIL unconscious on the floor after she called him saying, "help me." He got there and had to break into the house and found her. Squad came and worked on her (BP was in the 50s over 40s) then rushed her to hospital. Her kidneys have shut down and she is hemorraghing rectally. They got BP stabilized but don't know right now what is causing the problems.

So this means I have been the communication conduit between XPOS and the kids, who are worried sick about their beloved grandma. I HATE talking to him, and I HATE being put in this position, but it is easier for XPOS to relay information to me and for me to contact the kids.

I have been in such a good place mentally, and now I feel like I am taking steps back. Yet for my children I will suck it up and do it. Now I am constantly waiting for update calls and I am on edge. My kids can't handle direct calls and need my calm interpretation of what is going on to help them cope.

THIS SUCKS and I have no idea how long this will go on!!!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:19 AM, November 28th (Thursday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thread was supposed to say XMIL rushed to hospital, but my tablet is possessed...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry about your MIL and hope they find out what is wrong quickly.

Your children are not overly young. One of them could easily be the go-between for the rest of the family, perhaps the eldest. I don't think you need to make it easier for your ex.

However, you are the best judge of what is the best and right way to handle this as you know your children and what they can handle.


Divorced and beginning my new life.


2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^THIS. I hope you're OK.

Whatever ends up happening this is just a pause - not a detour. This is just a setback - once this is sorted you can get back to NC and healing.

I get it. I loathe communicating with him - I can't imagine a phone call, several phone calls, under such stressful circumstances.

Sending you strength - you will get through this.

((Phoenix1))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sadcat
♀ Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it sucks. But keep it about the kids. You are doing this FOR THEM. They need you to do this.

After the crisis has passed you can go back to NC. treat this as a necessary evil that is finite in time.

((((Phoenix and kids))))


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13259 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of them could easily be the go-between for the rest of the family, perhaps the eldest. I don't think you need to make it easier for your ex.

Doing this strictly for the kids, not XPOS. Oldest DD is not emotionally capable of handling it right now as she is close to her grandma and this is affecting her very badly. Son is hard to get a hold of because of military obligations. XPOS can't call from inside hospital and he is having phone issues as well and texting is a fail. This is all for my kids' benefit and I keep reminding myself of that.

XMIL has been moved to the ICU as she has developed a fever that they think is in her abdomen.

It's for the kids, it's for the kids, it's for the kids...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Phoenix)). You are doing the right thing. This could well be fatal. You are an amazing mom!!!!


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great mom! You are doing the right thing. I would be doing the same exact thing.

All the best to XMIL and your kids.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Phoenix and kids))))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25766 | Registered: Aug 2011
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support. xMIL is still running fever and is hooked up to five different IVs according to XPOS. They have also given her blood transfusions today for the blood loss. They can't do anything else until fever is controlled.

Last phone convo with XPOS he started to talk about his phone problems. My response, "how unfortunate." Doing my best to keep the discussions strictly about condition of XMIL.

Lord, this is taking an emotional toll on me...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 10

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