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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need opinions please
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS 11 has a school event on tomorrow night goes for 2 hours. They don't have to attend it's just a Christmas thing. DS wants to go. It is the XWH's weekend. DS has asked his father numerous times on the phone about this event.

Last night he asked XWH again. He was told. I can pick you up from Mum's house at 4pm (as per the court orders) but then I have to work from home so if you want to attend you will have to get mum to take you and I will pick you up on Saturday. Ask your mother to take you. So DS says hold on I'll ask mum. He asks me and I said what did Dad say, I get the 'story'. I said we will talk about it later.

I then get an email from x with the story. I say story because I am at the point where everything he says is a lie and he gets caught out regularly.

What would you do?

Now x never ever works from home, his line of work he doesn't/can't do from home. He is continually shirking his responsibilities on his time and I have to pick up the slack, taking kids to sport, taking them here and there as it's inconvenient to the x. To be honest I am sick of it. X lives 20 minute drive away from kids school and lives.

Do I disappoint DS or do I do put my opinions aside and take DS to the event and slap a big ole' smile on my face for DS benefit.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me. I'd take my kids unless I couldn't because of work.

Not to help the sad clown, not to outshine him or show him who the better parent is. Not because I was trying to save him from hurting them. But just because my girls were really keen to go.

These days I try NOT to make decisions from a place of "Fuck You". I make them as I would if he wasn't in the picture at all.

Can I do this? Yes = Do it. No = Don't do it.

It takes practice but you'll get better the more you practice. XWH doesn't matter. Your DS will get over it if he doesn't get to go.

IMO its not taking the high or low road if you do or don't take him. It just is what it is.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take him. I got this all the time from ex (1). It doesn't mean you are buying into his story. It just means you are acting like a loving mother. I know I felt manipulated in those situations but ten years on my son and I have a great relationship and he hardly speaks to his Dad.

You reap what you sow.

Also, your son doesn't need the stress. Tell him you will take him. He's at that age where it's a big deal to him, all his friends will be there.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS to the event and slap a big ole' smile on my face for DS benefit.
This. Without question.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3390 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are angry and you know he is lying but you need to put that aside go your child. Yes you should go yes you should see how happy he will be and yes you should smile and enjoy that extra time with your child. You are not the liar you are not the cheater and you are by far the better person and parent! Right? So go and enjoy.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me. I'd take my kids unless I couldn't because of work.
Not to help the sad clown, not to outshine him or show him who the better parent is. Not because I was trying to save him from hurting them. But just because my girls were really keen to go.

Absolutely This ^^^

This is all about your DS. Taking the high road sucks but in the end you want him to be happy and well adjusted and ll the pain you are swallowing will pay off.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I don't give a flying rats butt what xWH's reason, excuse,obligation is, if it gives me the chance to do something with my child that IrishLad is excited about, I'm doing it. I don't even care enough to get mad about it, I just take it as another chance for my son and I to do something fun. Take your son, have fun and feel sorry for the guy who has no clue what he is missing out on.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can take him, take him. It's far more important that he get to attend an event that matters to him, then to prove a point to the idiot XWH...then DS is the one who loses. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone.

This was what I was thinking, but I thought for sure everyone here would say it's time for the x to actually parent the child. Stand your ground it's time the x stops using you, time to stick to your guns etc. Can never pick it here.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While in theory, I'd like to say that it's his responsibility (which it is) and that he should have to be an actual father (which he should)..at the end of the day, it's your son who will have to pay..so take him :/


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 10

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