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User Topic: OW emailed H and he didn't tell me
frigidfire86
♀ Member
Member # 32324
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So...I wrote out what I needed to say. That way I didn't cry or scream at him. I do better getting my thoughts out in writing. He read it and now isn't speaking to me, other than a couple words. I swear, every day he makes me hate him more and more.


Me: 28
Him: 29
Married 8 years
Daughter, 7 yrs old
D-Day: 05/08/2011

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Germany
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frigidfire,
I am sorry he brought this pain to you. Today of all days to deal with this is especially painful. Do the 180 for yourself. Take care of you. Let him sulk. He made the choice then when he cheated and he made the choice NOT to tell you about the email. He also made the choice to answer her. He did not need to do that. All of this is HIS POOR CHOICES. He has to acknowledge that.

I am going to throw something else out there. You have on your screen that D-day was in 2011. Why would she be contacting "everyone" she has had sex with for over a 2 year period. Doesn't that seem odd? I might believe in the last year, but 2 years??? Are you sure there has been no other contact?

In the mean time, take care of you. Finish school, do what ever you need to do to make future decisions for yourself.

[This message edited by brkn_heartd at 1:34 PM, November 28th (Thursday)]


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like a form letter. My guess is she had dozens of names on a BCC list.

His not telling you may be trying to protect the holiday from stress. The reply and cover up though? Total wayward mindset.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she had dozens of names on a BCC list.

That was exactly the sense I had.

Her "everyone" list might be rather expansive.

The email should have been forwarded to you as soon as it was received. His passive aggressive response is just as telling as the deletion of the evidence.

((FF))


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do better getting my thoughts out in writing. He read it and now isn't speaking to me, other than a couple words.

Wow. Not even an apology for potentially exposing you to HPV, nevermind an apology for OW's contacting him, him not telling you, him responding, AND trying to erase the evidence? Damn.

How much longer do you have to be in school? It sounds like you've got an exit plan in place - for VERY good reason. I'm so sorry. Especially on Thanksgiving.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
frigidfire86
♀ Member
Member # 32324
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to him and asked why he didn't say anything and stressed how important it is not to keep things from me. He told me he didn't know what to say and didn't know it was such a big deal. He claimed that he'll do better if something else comes up. Whatever. Then I asked if there was anything else he needs to tell me. You see, I confronted him about OW emailing him and him hiding it from me, but I didn't say anything about his response which he also deleted. After what we just talked about and me telling him how important honesty is, he still wouldn't fess up to emailing her back. I think he has a brain disease of some kind...it's the only way I can see him being this stupid.

[This message edited by frigidfire86 at 3:27 AM, November 29th (Friday)]


Me: 28
Him: 29
Married 8 years
Daughter, 7 yrs old
D-Day: 05/08/2011

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Germany
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

frigidfire: I'm so sorry. His comment about "not being a big deal" is so very insulting and actually, narcissistic. Does HE get to decide what's important for you? He's minimizing to save his own ass. I know. My husband does it too.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5280 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh I see! When all else fails, summon the Plea of ignorance.

Because didn't know what to say, and didn't "know" it was a big deal he decides to say nothing and hide everything.

Then when confronted he only admits to what he knows you know. Says he will do better, and fails spectacularly at the very first opportunity....he doesn't confess that he responded.

Playing stupid is a pretty common (I'd go so far as to call it an elementary) tactic of manipulators.


I can't imagine how frustrating that must be to live this. I am frustrated reading about it.
((FF))


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW, OK. I now recommend exit strategy. What an idiot, and staying with this Ass Hat is a recipe for going through this over and over. Sorry to say this.
You are young, and deserve a real life partner, and so does your child. don't ever underestimate what they see.

Make sure you are saving and squirreling everything away that you can. In one of the forums, I think investigating or divorce & separation, is the beginning of a checklist for preparation for getting out. Find it, it has great items on it I would never have thought of.

I'm so sorry, unfortunately, some sick individuals just never get what they are losing, and they do it over and over. They are their own victim, don't let him take you and your beautiful daughter with him.

Take care of you. Don't waste your time with him any longer, just keep all the evidence safe for later.

Much love, and support here.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are your consequences for this kind of thing? Are you prepared to follow through?


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
frigidfire86
♀ Member
Member # 32324
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HE'S SO FREAKING STUPID! O.M.G. Does he really believe that I'm that much of a dumbass?!

I confronted him, AGAIN, about hiding the email he wrote to her. I also asked him why he deleted both the email from OW and the one he sent if he thought it wasn't a big deal. Why hide something if it didn't matter? WELL...he told me that he thought he clicked "delete all" to get rid of everything in the trash folder, but SOMEHOW it must have MAGICALLY screwed up and the ONLY emails it deleted were the ones I needed to see. Yep. That's what happened folks! Yahoo fucked up and just got rid of those specific emails only. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

REALLY?!?!?! I just sat there staring at him thinking, "Wow! Do you even believe the shit coming out of your mouth right now?" Dumb. Ass. Seriously, I can't help but laugh. At least he'll be entertaining until I'm done with school. Need to have some way to pass the time and an excuse to eat some buttery popcorn.

[This message edited by frigidfire86 at 7:28 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me: 28
Him: 29
Married 8 years
Daughter, 7 yrs old
D-Day: 05/08/2011

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Germany
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to get so insulted at how stupid EX obviously thought I was. The blatant lies, the ineffective cover-ups, the stunning lack of logic. It used to just make me ill at being treated like that. I'm sorry it's happening to you, too.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. My WH#2 pulled the same shit with texting the OW. Oh, the phone must have magically put in her number and typed the text and wrote what he said to her. He didn't have his glasses on so he couldn't see what he was typing or who it was going to. Yeah...He really thought that was a logical explaination for me. I found out a few months later that he was still seeing her. Then a few months after NC was finally set up, she texts him and he doesn't tell me, just deletes it. He didn't respond to her text with a text that I could find, but he could have called her from his work phone. Who knows???

You unlike me are young and can find happiness with someone who deserves you. The majority of waywards never change. They just get better at hiding it. There is some truth to the quote of Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get your degree and get as far away from him as possible.
(((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have on your screen that D-day was in 2011. Why would she be contacting "everyone" she has had sex with for over a 2 year period. Doesn't that seem odd? I might believe in the last year, but 2 years??? Are you sure there has been no other contact?

If I found out now I had HPV, I would have to go back 4 or 5 years at this point to tell anyone. Sure, my H could have given it to me, but when did he get it? We've been monogamous since we met, but, before that...I would tell people from long ago. I don't necessarily think that is odd.

But, his reactions to the e-mail, + the reaction to being confronted about it screams that he just doesn't get it. I'm sorry frigidfire.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 34
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