Ok I know it's very early and the answer is probably just "time"
But I am very fortunate to have the perfect remorseful fwh and the fallout of dday has made him see what a shit he's been for 7 years since his initial breakdown which he chose to blame on me rather than face the horrible diagnosis of bipolar. I can understand wanting to run from that. Hell, I wanted to run from it and I was just suffering second hand. The A was just another part of the whole denial/resentment/delusion/illness. In many ways it was his way out. His suicide note as I was going to throw him out and then he could just do what he had wanted to all along and die. Seriously scary illness behaviour. The change that has come with realisation is immense - he is still not well but is making progress and doing a lot of work and facing his feelings and promising me every day to care for me and never ever kill himself.
So much good stuff
We are so close. So intimate and not just HB. Real openness. Really listening and hearing. Real deep joy at being together doing the simple day to day stuff. Like pre his breakdown only better.
So my question - how do I get past the fact that to reach this good place I have had to suffer the devastation of betrayal through an A? Logically the fact that he wanted to die every day for 7 years is a bigger betrayal as there's no coming back from that and it would have destroyed our 3 children. But emotionally and sexually an A just hurts so damn much
This is my life. This is the road I've had to travel to get where I so want to be with the man I so want to be with.
But it's not fair
Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."