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Newest Member: whathappensnext (45075)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This will be my first time leaving the house since it happened
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm frozen.
I have to go to my ultrasound to make sure my babies are ok.
I'm sitting here in complete and utter panic. I don't want to leave my house. I'm terrified.
I've been in my cocoon just trying to breathe and survive since he left.
I don't know if I can do this. I don't even know what I'm terrified OF.
This anxiety is debilitating.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And please don't say do it for the babies. It just makes me feel more guilty and ashamed. Of course I will do it for the babies..but thinking of the babies also makes me think of what me and the babies no longer have, and seeing them on the ultrasound is heartbreaking to me right now.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lost))))))


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2688 | Registered: Jan 2010
20Hopeful16
♀ Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know its scary, but you are stronger than you think and you will do it. And, please, while you are there, talk to your doctor about what's going on if you haven't already. That was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it was so helpful. S/he can help you find help... therapy, meds that are safe for the babies, STD testing, whatever you might need.

My therapist said to do breathing to help. Deep in (count four), hold (count two), slowly out (count six).


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. Be careful going out in the world with all the crazy shoppers! I wish you didn't have to go out.

(((L&P)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being in Canada, at least I don't have to deal with shoppers and thinking of thanksgiving.
I have to just drive the hour to the hospital, go to the ultrasound department, lay there for two hours, then go home. (Trying to talk myself through the actual steps of it).


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lost))) It is scary. I had a doctor's appointment the day after d-day. I was terrified. There's a surreal phenomenon in which --you realize that, as you sit at the traffic light your world crashing around you--that everyone else is moving through life as if nothing happened. I remember this occurring as my brother was dying, and later, as my mother did---just feeling so very alone, as life went on as though nothing horrible was happening.

I later figured out that this ... helped, oddly. It helped to be among others, even if I felt completely estranged and alone.

It helped to get confirmation that life does, indeed, go on. Because on some level, I knew that everyone around me had a mother who would die, or already had. That many had spouses who had cheated, and they'd survived.

You will get through it. Not for the babies--but because there's no choice. You have to. You have to survive each day because the alternative isn't even an alternative.

I think there is a subset of us who are treated particularly cruelly. Infidelity and discovery are ungodly for all of us--I do NOT mean to minimize anyone's experience. But there are some WSs who are particularly disordered or cruel, and make it especially difficult. For those of us who have these "partners," the fallout can be ...unusually shocking and painful. I think your situation falls into this category.

But we still survive. We do.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8729 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lost))) if it helps, think of all of us here. We're rooting for you, we're here for you, and we'll be here for you every step of the way. You've got a community of 40,000+ people who care about you and want to give you the emotional support you need to get through this. We know you can do it, now you have to believe that you possess a well of untapped strength deep within you. Tap into it and use it to overcome this scary first step. Once you've conquered that fear, it will no longer be as scary and you'll be able to move on to conquering the next fear. (((Lost)))

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then don't do it for the babies. Do it so he doesn't win. So that whore he's with doesn't win. Live your life and move forward with the kids so those selfish bastards don't get to have power over you.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11197 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost...you need to sit down and write out a list of things you need to talk to your doctor about.

First off....your OB NEEDS to know what you are going through. Stress kills.

Second....you NEED to get tested for STDs.

Third....you NEED to tell someone in real life.

Totally "get" the overwhelming desire to isolate yourself at this point in time but it is absolutely the worse thing you can do for you and the kids. It's time to alert your support web and pull them around you tightly. If you don't have one now is the time to put one in place.

Consider this your kick in the butt from an old-timer but I'm thinking forward in time as to what you are going to need to get you through this.

You are loved. And SI really needs some twins to spoil rotten

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6564 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I am in Canada too, hopefully in the same time zone:) I am going to be putting a circle of light around you and holding your hand virtually. You can do this, I know it.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
mesoSTUPID
♀ Member
Member # 35679
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lost))) Hang in there! We're all rooting for you. You'd be surprised how many of us are even if we don't post.


ME (BS): 41 and so stupid!
Him (WH): 43. He's my dragon slayer but my heart wasn't supposed to be slayed!

Posts: 193 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Miami
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think not wanting to leave the house is normal. I felt so raw and exposed, as if everyone knew I wasn't good enough (oh, those first few weeks - don't miss those at all).

You'll do great today. Each step of the way you'll keep thinking you can't get through it, and then it will be over, and you'll have made it.

We're all with you!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
TheThreeYearFool
♀ Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lost)))

Do it for you. You will feel better afterwards just for getting up and going somewhere of your own volition.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 164 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not too far in to the reality kick in the face so I totally get that not wanting to leave the house!

But ..... Listen to the others. Talk to your dr. About the std testing. I had that humiliating appointment on Wednesday but glad I finally did it! Still waiting on some results but already on antibiotics! But with you being pregnant it's even more important to know!

Also- find a friend. I finally told a couple of my friends and that has really helped. They haven't judged me or any of my decisions. It really felt good to no longer be hiding my pain from them and I know they are there for me. They have encouraged me, validated some of the feelings I was having, offered support, listened without judging, let me rant when needed, let me cry when needed. So call a friend, go to lunch, coffee or have her come over. I don't really have a super close best friend but felt I had a couple friends that I could share this with. My IC is only once every week or two- my friends are a call or text away 24/7. Good luck and we are with you!


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had my iPhone with me at my appointment, and I looked on here to read the responses, and I felt like I wasn't there all alone.
I don't know what I'd do without this place right now..I want you all to know how much I appreciate your support.
The babies are doing perfect. They are both growing, and they are fraternal, 1 boy and 1 girl. They were kicking and happy. It was reassuring to me that they are okay even though their mama is a mess.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Camille87
♀ New Member
Member # 41252
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going out can be so surreal. It seems that the world has carried on without any care for what devastation you have just endured. You can't believe people are laughing, enjoying a meal or an ice cream cone and just carrying on with life!

It is so painful to see couples holding hands or displaying any physical affection. I remember the first few months I felt like a walking zombie, a shell of a person maneuvering through public like a ghost. No one knew my pain and devastation and if they could see it I doubted they would care!

I didn't go out for months unless I absolutely had to!

I can tell you this: it gets easier each time.

There are many of us out there who know exactly the effort it is to do what you have to do when you have such pain in you soul. You are not alone!

Tell you doctor everything and each time you have to go out call a friend or family member who can encourage you to make the steps necessary and can comfort you when you get home. I think it's also a good idea to have a reward waiting for yourself when you arrive home: a hot bath, a cup of hot chocolate or whatever! Take care of yourself and treat yourself regularly. You will get through this!


Me: BS--42
FWH--45 (recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder)
(Two kids: a teen & a tween)
Married 20 years
R in progress
D-day: Nov 17, 2012

Posts: 27 | Registered: Nov 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel sort of embarrassed when everyone keeps saying about talking to friends and family, because I don't have any friends :P
I used to, but now I live in a new town and haven't made any friends. He was my only friend..I know how pathetic that sounds, it's so embarrassing to type.
My mom is really trying to be supportive, as best she can, which is nice, we've been somewhat estranged for years..so it's sort of awkward..my Dad (my parents are divorced) is being supportive in a pat on my shoulder not sure what to say way..lol.
I just don't have people.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are numb & frozen right now..your body's way of protecting you right now..it is not that you do not care. A strong woman is not one that can handle everything...A strong woman is one who knows when to call in the troops! You need 1-2 close friends or family to act as your patient advocate..to go with you to every appointment and be your ears & voice to help you every step of this journey. I faced a similar situation & I would never have made it without the help of my 2 close friends who listened to Dr's when I could not & helped me with every decision. You can do this but asking for help right now shows your strength realizing when you need that helping hand.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 332 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lost you can do this. I remember dday 2, I was scheduled to read that day at out church. I got up got myself and my daughter dressed and in the car. I don't remmeber how.I put on my vestments and walked up to do the prayer service. I did it because I had too. I started reading and fainted dead away. The pastor came running in 911 was called and I had to tell EVRYONE at the church what had happened.I was so humiliated. Everyone at the church understood helped me through and supported me.
I know the feeling of humiliation. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You did nothing to force him to leave. He chose the cowards way out and ABANDONED you pregnant with twins. I know you are crushed your heart is bleeding on the floor but soon you are going to get angry. How dare he leave you with his children. he is scum and soon you will know exactly that.
There are support groups who will help. There are counselors who will help. There arechurch pastors who will help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, Everyone of us has had our hearts crushed and we are still here and still fighting. If you cannot take large steps take baby steps. Make a list of everything you need to do. Tackle one thing at a time. First get tested for stds asap. You need to do this for your twins to be. Second talk to an attorney. Find out where you stand financially and get him served. TODAY. do the 180. Speak of nothing but the children and finances. if the OW is married out her to her husband. Call his parents and tell them. be strong. We are with you.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 5:17 PM, November 29th (Friday)]


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 31
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