The house I live in that was once home takes many, many resources and is rather...manual in upkeep. So as X pulls further away and now refuses to help in ways previously done, I have to call on other people for things I physically cannot do.
I hate this. It's a feeling of lost pride that is so hard to get back nowadays. Each phone call for help is a set back and another way that I am still trying to stand tall and on my own.
Still I remember the day that X asked for my hand and I'm trying to delete it from memory. I don't think of it often but when I do, it's with an ironic slant in that he gave me back to my father, who I call on a lot lately.
This is also hard because of the personality my father has...just as controlling, so I have to pick and choose to exhaustion the phone calls and explanations that I make.
I cannot wait 'til this feeling of being returned goes away.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:19 AM, November 29th (Friday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
It's hard, but you will find a new equilibrium. Maybe a future move to an easier to maintain home. Maybe you'll find a cute handyman. Either way, no one should own you. Not your STBXH, and not your parents.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
But Gemini is so right. We are our own operators, and belong to ourselves. I for one really needed that reminder. I also am trying to remind myself to be thankful that I have family to reach out to at all. Hugs to you all. The holidays are proving to be hard, just like I worried they would.
I just keep thinking I'm gonna look back and say wow that was a really crappy year. Or two. DS and I have a bright future, we just have to get some help right now until we get there.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 9:22 PM, November 29th (Friday)]