He is all pissed off that he isn't getting his rightful 50% parenting time. F**k you, we aren't divorced yet and nobody said that is what is best, expect perhaps the pitbull.
My lawyer had to talk to his lawyer, blah blah blah. She sent me an email saying that he is with holding money because he thinks I am with holding the children. I said, no, I am not, he agreed to see a divorce therapist to figure out the parenting plan and agreed to everything...so WTF? She said, "this is shaping up to be very unpleasant and contentious...read EXPENSIVE." Just what I asked Santa for!!! Yeah!
The kids have to spend all weekend with him- this am until late Sunday, longest stretch ever. They are pissed, don't want to go, complaining about how different he is, how boring it is, how they just want to be "home." My 8year old was laying on her bed refusing to get dressed and refusing to go, she was so mad I was 'making her go' that she refused to say goodbye to me and stormed out of the house to his car. So....he is the asshole that caused all this that she doesn't even want to see, but yet somehow she still manages to take it out on me?? Yikes, being the bigger person and better parent is HARD. I hope see gives him hell all weekend and he starts rethinking his desire for 50/50....
So naturally, it isn't working out how he had hoped. Kids hating it, everything everyone told him is coming to pass, he is probably struggling.
We have another meeting with Divorce Therapist to discuss parenting again on Tuesday....after his long weekend so should be interesting. Do you think he will reconsider whether 50/50 is viable, practical and reasonable or just keep acting like the cluessless douche he is and this will turn into an ugly, expensive fight???
But for this weekend, do not rescue him with advice. If he can't handle things, then he can bring the kids back to you, and you log the fact that he had them for x-hours instead of y-hours and the fact that he couldn't handle them. Start building your court case as to why you are the better parent. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I don't have kids, but my former boss divorced his WW and she got 50/50 even though she's a terrible person and always pawned her kids off on sitters when it was her time with them. She needed to keep up appearances (and get more money) so wouldn't give my former boss any more time with the kids, even though she didn't really want to spend time with them (we have some friends in common, so I heard all of the details.)
Hopefully your lawyer can discuss with you options, what's likely to happen, etc. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm crossing my fingers he'll decide 50/50 is way too much after this weekend!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
These things have a way of working themselves out. Unfortunately you will just have to play a long game.
My ex (of 3 days) was in his best behavior during the proceedings. He knew everyone was watching. He was very insistent about 50:50. We have a shared parenting plan so nothing is court mandated, though.
Well, yesterday he took DD6 over to his parents for Thanksgiving in the afternoon. He left at 2pm, it is a half hour drive. I thought he would be back late evening with an exhausted DD.
He was back at 5pm and out the door..... Yes, spent a grand total of 2 hours there! Most of that time, DD was entertained by her older cousin.
If your WH is like mine, a weekend is just too long. Was he a hands on parent before? That will give you a clue. Mine was a drift in, drift out sort. He did things with DD when he felt like it.
The divorce counselor was A) just for show, and B) to drain your finances. He's never intended for it to work.
Your children know you are "safe", therefore they are safe to express negative emotions to you. It hurts like a bitch, but in a fucked up way it's a complement.
I think it's delusional to expect him to be reasonable in this divorce. He is setting you up for a spectacular fall. You need to be putting your shields up and building your defenses up. This divorce therapy is going to end up costing you your kids.
In this state the default is 50/50 so the advice I got from laywer and others is to try and work it out with him outside of litigation because what he wants is more "the norm" than what I want.
That doesn't mean he would get it, every situation is different but the odds are *currently* in his favor. I would fight to the end in a death match if necessary...but would rather not have to go there.
I really don't want to have to go through parenting coordinators and all that crap, expensive, emotionally draining and ugly. So, for the sake of the kids and myself, I am trying to work it out with him using this Divorce Therapist option which he is paying for. It isn't really hurting me or the kids at this point, it is holding him at bay. It is allowing me to have another reasonable person tell him a slow transition is good, she validates my pov and that is great for now, but none of it is legal at this point. She is like a mediator, you don't have to take the advice. The notes from the sessions could be used, if it came to that. She is also way cheaper than the lawyers- so I have used her for some good council when I saw her alone given she understands the legal system very well.
The next session is Tuesday and I am hoping I can give an Oscar worthy performance. If he doesn't agree, it will probably be the last session and we will just have to battle it out in court.
I am going to go to Happy hour now, I really need a drink!!