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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I need advice re: child support modi. and retrieving old texts
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh!!!!!!! Happy Thanksgiving to me!!! NOT!

So I get this text from Assface this afternoon telling me that after the new year he is going to have CS modified.

Here is the long and short of it:

When we got divorced I was a teacher making a teacher salary. He was a school administrator making 20 thou. more than me. He also worked a part time bar tending job making high tips which he lied about how much they were. But whatever. That was not worth fighting over since I couldn't prove anything anyway. Shortly after D, he stopped taking the kids 2 of his nights a month because he worked at the bar those two nights. I gladly took them and didn't try to modify CS because it was not worth it to me. About a year after D, I made a big career change and took a job in IT and started making 20 thou. more than I used to. However, my child care expenses went way up because I used to have off work whenever the kids were off and now I don't anymore. I told my atty. and asked if I had to disclose this and she said no.

So...10 months ago he was asked to resign from administration (his career that he worked years and years for) because he was screwing around with someone's wife or girlfriend at the middle school he was working at. (One of the kid's moms) and left email, picture, etc. evidence on his work computer. (The guy called the school board.) He lost medical ins. for the kids and I had to scramble to have them put on mine AND start paying for it, even though he was court ordered to pay. He stopped paying me CS for a few months but made up the back pay and started paying again. He didn't get another job but he did start picking up more shifts from the bar. He's paid on time ever since. I'm guessing the tips were good. I was worried that he'd try to reduce CS and I contact my atty. She said that it wouldn't look good for him that he was asked to resign and he may not even have it granted, even though I now make more. But he never pursued anything so I stopped worrying.

Ok, so a month ago he got himself a real job again, but not in administration. I think he's been blackballed from that. He got a teaching job. He had to cut back on bar hours to have this job and teachers make squat, as I'm sure everyone knows. He also is not taking the kids 8 nights a month anymore, but now only TWO, because of his schedule and where he lives. A couple of years ago he moved to an apt. in a high rent part of town and has to drive crazy miles to work, kid's school, etc. but that's his choice to live there. So he informed me today that he is going to have CS modified because the poor baby is broke and can't pay his bills. I may make more $$ now but I still struggle and a substantial modification will REALLY be hard for me. My daycare expenses are high. I cover the kids ins. myself and HIS STUPID ASS WAS ESSENTIALLY FIRED for being a man-whore! O.M.G, I am so pissed! If anyone has any experience with this, words of encouragement, advice, I would really, really appreciate it. Please no tough love, 2X4's, devil's advocate. I am too emotional to handle it right now.

Also, does anyone know if there is ANY way possible for me to retrieve text messages from him from 10 months ago when he was asked to resign? In a text, he told me why he was asked to resign but I accidently deleted it. Now he could deny it and I don't have any proof anymore. Since he resigned and was not fired, his old employer doesn't have to disclose why either. I NEED that text! AT&T said they can't help nor can Apple. (It's an iphone) I'm thinking there HAS to be a way. There has to, right? Does anyone know?


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1562 | Registered: Aug 2010
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you deleted the messages off of cloud, then no, you can not retrieve them. The best way I can think of is to get/borrow another iPhone, sign in and see if the messages are retrieve that way.

Hugs, he may not be successful with the modification. But if he is, just know, you and your kids will be fine. You may have to trim back, give up things, etc. but you all have each other. He doesn't have that. He is broke and corrupt.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he files, you could subpoena his HR records, including any documentation on being asked to resign.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29543 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm confused.

Why does it matter what the texts say?

Why isn't he covering the kids medical if that was court ordered?

If he goes for a modification, I'd make sure he starts to,pay for the insurance ASAP.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
monarchwings
♀ Member
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have technological advice to retrieve the texts, but he's setting himself up by not paying for the insurance. If he lost insurance though his job then he should have purchased other policies. He will now have to reimburse you for the costs. I am sorry this is happening.

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jul 2013
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state of MD, CS is a simple formula. Monthly income of both parents, number of overnights, medical insurance and child care.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The texts from him are his own words telling me why he was asked to resign. In court he could deny having been asked to resign and say he quit because XYZ and I have no proof anymore because I accidently deleted the texts. IDK if the employer has to disclose anything because he technically resigned and wasn't fired. They were really just being generous by giving him the option to resign or be fired. I think they should have just fired his ass.

He stopped paying their insurance because he lost his insurance through his job and they were covered under him. I agree he should have had them insured under COBRA or something else,or, I even gave him the option of reimbursing me what I was paying for them under my employer, but he never did because poor baby lost his job.

So now I guess I'm looking at court again. I just don't know if I should just bend over and take it or fight back, risking that it could back fire on me because of my jump in income.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1562 | Registered: Aug 2010
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely something to talk to your lawyer about, though I might wait until you actually see something from him since cheaters are notorious liars and lazy, so he may not actually get around to filing paperwork or he may just be saying it to frighten you so you'll acquiesce without him having to involve the court.

I know it's tough, but try not to get all worked up about it until you know anything.

If you're making more than him, he may still owe more in child support because he hasn't been taking the kids as often as he should be. Additionally, with the insurance reimbursement, you may find yourself better off than you were before.


(((ruinedandbroken)))


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3269 | Registered: Dec 2011
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks phmh, and others, for the encouragement. I'm calming down just reading your posts.

Thank you. It's good to know that there are people out there that understand.

My stupid ex doesn't understand, in his little pea brain, the potential can of worms he could be opening for himself here.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1562 | Registered: Aug 2010
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just thought of something else -- do you know who complained to the school board/who else knew about the affairs?

Even if the school wouldn't be required to give the information about why he was terminated (which I think they would, if subpoenaed, but I am not a lawyer) I'm sure you could subpoena others who could give testimony about the behavior that led to his "resignation."

Perhaps he wouldn't want to open the can of worms if he knows that his (former?) mistress and others would have to come to court and testify? Especially since he is still in the education industry.

Honestly, it sounds like you are holding almost all of the cards. If he actually does file anything, you might wind up with an epic karma story to share!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3269 | Registered: Dec 2011
Cabot
♂ Member
Member # 41485
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately I don't know if there is a whole lot you can do in most states CS snd alimony agreements can be revised if there are any major changes in earning and employment status if he does file you a prob just going to let you attorneys handle it. Now if he was order to pay for insurane and could not he should have checked with the courts frist. Best bet talk to attorney get some good legal advise so you know where you stand.




Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2013
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cabot, you are correct. If there is a major change in circumstance, he can try to change it. But hr cannot quit his job to create the major change of circumstance, which is essentially what he's done.

Phmh, I wish I knew who the husband/boyfriend/woman was, but I don't. Not sure if school board was subpoenaed, if they would have to disclose or not.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1562 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 12

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