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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: is it a dealbreaker if your boyfriend ignores your b-day?
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would view it as a big red flag and feel that he was an inconsiderate dolt.
Really. Who doesn't celebrate a birthday for someone special? (Answer: Someone who isn't interested in making that person feel special on a day that is special to them).

It has been a year and there are no excuses. He knows you have birthdays. I am sure he saw it on fb also, but even if he hasn't, he should be asking you when it is and planning something. Not even to acknowledge it shows a huge self-centeredness.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15187 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's blown off two birthdays, if I'm reading your OP correctly. The first one you let slide, but that seems to have been a mistake. That gave him permission to screw you this year, too. I think a pattern has already been established.

My EX blew me off every special occasion chance he got. I tried to ignore it, tried to be a "bigger" person. In truth it hurt me deeply that he ignored me like that. It also was him revealing his true nature to me, although I didn't realize it at the time.

Beware, Honey. Beware.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would be a deal-breaker for me, because I believe those kinds of days are important, and so, because it's important to ME, he should acknowledge it, just as *I* would acknowledge things that are important to him. If it bothers, you, then I believe this sets a precedent. Decide how you want your future to look and how you want to be cherished.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2504 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Wipedout
♀ Member
Member # 23300
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your input. He works out of the country a lot so he's not always here for holidays, etc., but I tell you what. Last year when it was his birthday and he was out of the country I emailed him and posted something on his facebook page wishing him a happy birthday and letting him know that I was thinking about him. Anyway, I haven't talked to him since my birthday. My kids asked me if he did anything for my birthday and I said no. My kids told me that they do not like him. Now I realize that my kids will leave and I will be left by myself, so their opinion is not the be all to end all, but my kids said, "he's kind of rude mom." I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. Maybe I liked him more than he liked me - obviously since I seem to think of him more than he thinks of me. Thank you all for the birthday wishes!
Oh and my kids and I spent my birthday together. We went out to dinner and a movie. My son came up with his own idea for my birthday present this year - it was an "breaking Bad" shirt - I loved it! My daughter picked out some perfume that I love and they were very excited to watch me open their gifts - I love those kids!

[This message edited by Wipedout at 12:50 AM, December 1st (Sunday)]


me: 48 and free at last as of October 21, 2011 - independence day! I never thought I would say that I am happy to be divorced - happy is not the right word - ecstatic to be divorced describes me.
XH - Doesn't matter anymore.
Son 17
Daughter 12

Posts: 589 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Texas
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your kids sound awesome. Listen to them. They will fly from the nest, but believe me, they will ALWAYS be in your life.

It kind of sounds like you've been a lot more invested in this relationship than he is. That is NOT a good omen.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took a lot of courage for your kids to tell you how they feel. If your kids don't like him, they won't be around after they leave home if he is there. I don't make my kids my life, but if they see something I miss, and I have raised them right, I would listen to them because they want the best for me. My oldest and youngest knew their dad was doing the wrong thing in how he treated me after the A, and they told me so. Gave me the courage to divorce knowing they wouldn't respect me if I didn't respect myself enough to stand up for myself.

Posts: 2158 | Registered: Mar 2011
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was rude in front of your children? (Apparently since they commented on it). BIG red flag.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15187 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is making no effort to treat you special on a clearly special day. Not even acknowledge the day let alone treat you special. This is so not right. He doesn't have a high regard for you obviously. He doesn't deserve you!!!

FTG!!!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5782 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Mar 2004
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As several others have mentioned, it is a huge red flag that he didn't at least acknowledge your birthday. My birthday came up about 2 months after SO and I started dating, and he made sure to send me a card, get me a small present, and was actually the first person to say Happy Birthday to me that day. We've been together almost 4 years now, and my next birthday is a significant one. SO has already started asking me what I want to do, so that he can be part of making it a special celebration for me.

You're the only one who can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you, but don't you think you're worthy of being treated so much better?


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12144 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids are smart. I would really listen to their opinion on this one.

I agree it took a lot for them to say something. I think you have dodged a bullet.

Good luck but either talk to him or let him go.


Posts: 911 | Registered: Jul 2012
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree - listen to the kids. Mine hated xso from the start and they just told me that... two years after I left him.

Kids will do a lot to make their primary parent happy... if they're speaking up, they must really not care for him.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15380 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday. That took less than 10 seconds to type.

The fact that he couldn't take those 10 seconds to wish you a Happy Birthday, hurts my heart. You deserve someone who loves, respects, and appreciates you (and your children). Sending you strength.


Posts: 34468 | Registered: Mar 2011
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday. That took less than 10 seconds to type.

Yep - and how many of us read through all of the responses just because we cared enough too and he gives your birthday no consideration?

I am sorry but I see no valid excuse for him. Like you said, even working out of the country or planet doesn't matter when there is mail, phone, text, whatever.

He is blanantly showing you who he is.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2050 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 34
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