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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sex and nudity and movies and triggers?
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering if anyone else has a hard time with seeing sex and nudity in movies now.

There is so much of it that there seems to be no way to avoid it except to not watch movies. Even a passionate kiss seems to be painful to see.

Nudity seems to be hard also, especially women when I am watching with h. This anxiety builds and I want to scream and cover his eyes. It's embarrassing to admit this.

As soon as I the scene starts I get a visual of h and ow.

Anybody else?

What do you do?

What does your h do when they see your reaction?


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1428 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Angel177
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I struggle with this too. It's especially hard when the sex scene involves cheating but even when it doesn't it's still hard. There is a few things I do depending on my mood. Sometimes I look away...I look at my phone or out the window or at the wall...anywhere to avoid the tv screen...you still hear it but the mind movies are worse for me when I can see it. I reach out for wh and hold his hand or have him hold me...this is something that is new...it took me awhile to want wh's comfort because these scenes used to make me angry at him. In the beginning they sometimes even lead to an argument.

I wish that instead of seeing him and her those scenes made me see him and I. We have had a million times more sex then they ever had. Hopefully this isn't like this forever..


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 251 | Registered: Oct 2012
UKlady
♀ Member
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I feel it too and it''s suddenly crept up worse recently. Before I couldn''t cope with any reference to infidelity in anything we were watching but now I find myself looking away when there is nudity and kissing - and goodness knows I''m far from a prude!!!!

We have had a million times more sex then they ever had. Hopefully this isn''t like this forever..

I''m going to try to hang on to this ^^^^^ that Angel said. I hope for us all it will go away.

((cantaccept))

[This message edited by UKlady at 6:34 AM, November 30th, 2013 (Saturday)]


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I struggle with this a bit too....but my struggles are two fold.

Primary struggle is mind movies and the fact that my wife had unprotected sex with a man she knew for only 2 months....I still wonder how a middle aged woman and a middle aged man can act so teen-like. It is not how we are going to instruct our daughters.....HVP alone is reason enough to NOT engage in unprotected sex.

Secondary struggle is my journey away from porn. Once I recognized my sin for what it is and the very destructive nature of it....seeing provocative pictures or sex scenes is particularly disturbing.

There is so much of it that there seems to be no way to avoid it except to not watch movies.

Amen to this. I believe it softens societys view on sex....particularly infidelity. How many cute romantic comedies are based on two married people running into each other, realize they married the wrong person, then leave their spouses so they can live happily ever after?


How do you find the right person to marry? Be the right person!

.....just a quote I picked up through my reading.

It was part of my journey of Did I Pick The Right Person?

I think of my wife and her AP.....see what each of them was choosing and what each of them was getting. This is not a judgement, it is a factual observation.

My wife is choosing differently now so we are learning to R.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:57 AM, November 30th (Saturday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4033 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
SeeThingsNow1
♀ Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watch alot of andy griffith and i love lucy lol.. I laugh but its true...but have never liked seeing sexual acts on a big screen, tv screen whatever - always have felt sex is something personal and special to the one you are with...not something to sit and watch with an anonymous group at a theater or even at home...just not my thing

Posts: 127 | Registered: Jan 2013
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like his A has turned me into a prude. And i swear to god if this page of scantily clad, tattooed girls doesn't stop showing up in my facebook news feed...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W & I were among the people clamoring for changes to movie 'standards' in the'60s, but we never expected the crap that we all are subjected to today. We are among the ones to blame, and I apologize.

There were some great movies in which sex was an integral part of the story, but by an large, we were much better off when trains entered tunnels and waves crashed on beaches.

I'm not sure what the remedy is, since we obviously can't count on the run of the mill movie-makers. I think if we attempt any sort of censorship, we'll lose the good stuff and keep the crap.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This definitely happens to me too. I usually just try to ignore it. I see a couple kissing or having any kind of romantic interaction, or non-romantic for that matter, and I immediately picture the two of them. Sometimes it is controllable and sometimes it is not. I guess the only thing I have figured out that helps is to just tell myself that it happened, I can't change it and that I refuse to allow mind movies to control me for the rest of my life, so when it happens, I try an "oh well" approach, it works about half the time.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


.."Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"

..that line in Gone with the Wind caused a huge public outcry.. swearing was off limits back then.

..it's gone downhill ever since!

.. I triggered yesterday at a 'peanut butter' commercial ... the kid says at the end: " women just love a BAD BOY!!"

..didn't even have to be sex or nudity for gawdsake!!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For several years we haven't had TV or cable. We grew tired of cr*p of all different kinds coming into our home via the airwaves, so when they changed to digital, we just didn't buy a decoding box!

The rare times when we rent a movie, if it says R for sexually explicit scenes, we don't rent it.

We both have felt that watching people have sex (even if it is fake on a movie) is a form of voyeurism. (But then Mr. HBH watched porn without my knowing. At least I thought we were both on the same page.) Now I think we really are on the same page.

We also don't watch movies where there is adultery, unless it is a Bible movie, and there is a reason it is in there: to teach a lesson why *not* to engage in it.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to be okay with even pornography. WH and I used to watch it together... But then he took it underground as soon as he got a private place to watch. Which led to his ONS with the hooker... Now... Not so much...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
letitout
♀ Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not just movies for me. It's music also. During H 2 years of prostitutes he listened to music namely about sex. I know this because he let me download a bunch of his music into my mp3 player at the time and I thought WTF? Then yesterday we were going over old songs that he had listened to at that time and again all about sex. I ask him did he realize that was all he was listening to? I got no answer.

So yea, movies, songs, books, whatever. It all disgusts me now. People who love 50 shades of grey can keep it. KMA.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Topic Posts: 12

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