I was out Wednesday evening getting stuff for Thanksgiving dinner. Came home unexpectedly early to find her and her coworker (female friend) loading up both of their cars with her clothes and things. Asked what was going on, and she replied that she was simply getting rid of some old clothes that she doesn't wear anymore. I called bullshit and she admired she was leaving.
She stayed that night, blaming me for not being attentive to her needs and for not earning as much money as she thought I should.
She finally drove away for good at 10:00 o 'clock Thanksgiving morning. The turkey was already in the oven (I still didn't believe she was really leaving).
The loneliness is almost overwhelming. I cannot believe that someone I could love so much, even through infidelity, could be so incredibly cold.
I know I need to pick up the pieces, but I don't even know where to start looking for them. Everywhere I look in this house, I only see memories of her.
I really don't think I deserve this.
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
It's similar to my previous experience. My xW left in a similar way, I came home from work and she was gone, along with our child. Utter devastation. I wandered the house for hours like a lost soul before spending the night unable to speak because of crying. I drove 500 miles to see Mum and Dad and drove 500 miles back two days later as I had kidney stone surgery. I was wrecked and broken, I didn't know about her affair and I had no warning she was going to leave.
Your WW - She's a coward, selfish and cruel pos. I'm so sorry.
Look, you can and will get through, i know i did and I got to a point where i was looking forward to things that i was doing for myself. A little bit every day. It hurts like nothing else but time is a great healer. I wish you all the best. Stay strong, post often. Come back and let us know how things are doing for you.
You deserve better.
Be good to yourself, one day at a time. You will eventually get back to that place where you once were, ok with being on your own.
I've been completely on my own for over five years now and it's turned out to be the best and most fulfilling time of my life, with no-one else to have to please or compromise for. No more mindfucks for me, thanks very much.
It takes t.i.m.e., but you will get there.
NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS TO JUSTIFY, EXCUSE OR RUGSWEEP NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU
She will tell you all of the things you did to make this happen but it is all BS. Say it, learn it, live it, love it.....This is NOT about you.
If I could have had one person say that to me on DDay I would have saved myself a ton of hurt, heartbreak, tears and failed attempts to be the person he said he needed me to be.
You DO NOT deserve this! No way!
The other posters are right, you don't deserve tuis treatment. We are all here for you.
Has helped me. And takes time.
Give yourself until midnight tonight to continue to do nothing but grieve. Tomorrow, find yourself a lawyer and find out how to protect yourself. Open a bank account in your name alone, and transfer at least 1/2 of the funds into it. If you have direct deposit, make sure that it's cancelled for the joint account and goes into yours alone. Cancel all of your joint credit cards and open a card in your name alone. Unplug your garage door opener so her opener won't work, and add a lock to the door(s) that only you have the key to.
This is the time for you to play hardball. Protect yourself. Don't let her spend your money on the OM or on setting up her bachelor pad. She needs to finance her bad choices. (((hugs)))
If you haven't already, I would also go to the I Can Relate forum and click on the Betrayed Men's thread. The guys there are fantastic and can give you a LOT of support.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
All I have with me are the dogs. She texted me on Friday and said she wanted to come and pick up a couple of things and "her" dog (she already had him when we met 12 years ago) .
I left the house so she could get her things. I didn't want her to see me as a wrecked person.
She only took a couple of things, like her alarm clock and a framed picture of us on the beach (looking very much in love) from a few years ago. She also left a large framed picture of her in her wedding dress propped against the dresser in the bedroom. It had been in the attic.
Oh yeah, she texted me when she finished, telling me that she would be back for her dog "later in the weekend or on Monday evening".
I don't know if she is nuts or trying to drive me that way.
[This message edited by justjim at 2:01 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]
I read your story. Sounds very similar to mine. I know what you are going through. I know the pain and anguish. I know the disbelief at the depth of the lies, the extent of the deceptions, and the betrayal by the one who vowed to protect your trust.
First and foremost. Sear this into your heart, mind and soul: Her infidelity/adultery has NOTHING to do with YOU OR YOUR MARRIAGE. Infidelity is a PERSONAL failure - it is NOT a MARITAL issue or the result of any marital issue.
Your wife, like my ex-wife, is a fucking coward. Like mine, she will probably live her life being irresponsible, uncommitted, and full of excuses. She will always take the path of least resistance instead of a more difficult, but righteous path.
I know you hurt right now but the pain is the residual effect of the fear of change. Believe it or not, your wife is forcing you to take a very difficult path - difficult, but the RIGHT path. A path that is separating you from her dysfunctional, toxic bullshit. In this case, I can guarantee you she is doing you a whopping favor. In the end, you WILL be glad you are no longer with this backstabbing, blame-throwing, deluded fool. I miss having a family - but I do not miss my XWW and her lies, deceptions, excuses, and denial.
I did not see anywhere that indicates that you have children with this woman. Let me ask you - knowing what you have now seen and experienced with her, would you EVER want this woman to be the mother of your children?
Fuck NO. Be VERY thankful that you do not have children by this woman. I don't care what ANYONE says - lying, deceiving, backstabbing, adulterous women/men who destroy their family ARE NOT good mothers/fathers.
You now will have the opportunity to not only get away from and eliminate this poison from your life but have the freedom to find yourself and find someone who is EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY, loyal, compassionate, and trustworthy. Pretty much everything that your wife has demonstrated that she is not.
I would suggest that you unleash Hell and wage scorched-earth policy on her. File for divorce and steamroll her and her dysfunctional bullshit.
Trust me. It will be quite easy to do better than this shit.
[This message edited by keptmyword at 8:39 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]
She also left a large framed picture of her in her wedding dress propped against the dresser in the bedroom. It had been in the attic.
WTF? What is this supposed to be, some kind of message? That sounds cruel or self-dramatizing; I'd be tempted to doctor that photo in amusing ways.
Echoing what others have said - she is really a manipulative coward. I know it hurts anyway, but there comes a point where each of us affected by betrayal really REALLY looked at the betrayer and realized, "So that's who you are?" That is the point where detachment can begin.
I wish you well, Jim. I know it will be tough, but please remember there is always someone here to kick this around with. We are all in your corner.
You've already received good advice and solid truth. I just want to say the other posters are right.
The fact that she put her picture in the bedroom, is for you to see. She's fucked up and these are mind games, nothing else!! Please try to make sure she comes ONCE to pick up the rest of her shit. Her going often just to pick up two or three things is bullshit. This thanksgiving memory will be a trigger for some time. But the deep pain you are feeling now will turn into strength. You will say one day "what the F was I thinking!!!? Crying over someone who thought nothing of me to walk out without a thought or care...
You need to do 180, 180, 180!! This is for YOU.
NOT to get her to regret what she's doing or email, text you that she's made a mistake. Take care of yourself right now
I'm so sorry 😔
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)