He said boys are coming w/me for awhile and I asked DD11 to come too but she didn't want to - is that ok? I said fine but where are you going - he said "for a drive" - I said ok but we were planning on going out for supper (because we are) and he said ok well I'll have them back in about an hour and a half - I said fine and once again asked where are you going - "just for a drive" - I walked away and he left
DD11 met me in entry when I walked back in the house and I calmly asked her if she knew where they were going and she said "to see where dad is going to be living" - I asked her if she knew where this was and she said no. I also calmly asked her if he was going to be living w/someone and she responded "I don't know" - I just said okay -
Enter other living room and ask DS17 why he didn't go w/them and he says "where?" - yup STBX did not even invite him...
Can he do this?? He clearly expects the kids will be spending time at his "new place" and thinks I have no right to know where this is or who else is living there. God knows at this point I'd rather know NOTHING about his sick life but I have minor children and this is just NOT an option! This particularly concerns me regarding DD11.
What do I do???? I'm planning to CALMLY confront him about this when he returns... What do y'all think???
Honestly, there is probably nothing you can do if someone is living there with him, even if you have a morality clause in your divorce decree. The courts don't really care about immoral behavior, only illegal. Trust me, I tried to have a morality clause added, and my lawyer said they are really hard to inverse.
Remain calm, do everything in writing so you have proof of the conversations.
@stolendreamz - kids all have their own cell phones but I just try to not fish for information from them and they really haven't been w/him at all in the last month or so so it's not been much of an issue... I like your idea about the GPS on their phones tho - I need to do some checking on this. Thanks
Update: I could not help myself I confronted him when he dropped them off. I did however remain cool, calm, and collected - I simply told him that when he takes the kids I need to know where they are, period. I do not w/hold that from him nor would I (on the rare occasion he texts to find out where they are - they often don't respond to him - I ALWAYS let him know where they are) I said that although I'd rather not have to know anything about him anymore, as a responsible parent I need to know where my kids are and if they're going to be at his place then unfortunately I need to know where that is.
He was giddy. Told me about this lovely little 2 bedroom that his boss is completely remodeling for him. It should be done before Christmas so the kids can come over whenever. He is just happy as a pig in shit. He's not only enjoying his freedom from all responsibility (as he actually always has) but now he doesn't have to come home and face the wife and kids he neglects, cheats on, and abandoned. I have freed him from guilt and he is absolutely giddy. And I want to crawl in a hole w/my pain, anger, sadness, self-loathing, fear ... I just want this to stop. I wish I could detach like him. I really do right now.
He just completely mentally tortured me again today and I fell right into it. Again. I'm so mad at myself.