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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I inform stbx of dd18 trip out of the country?
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD18 will be traveling to NZ to visit her boyfriend and his family. Do I need to inform stbx? We are not divorced; stbx walked out; DD18 has not seen or spoken to him in a year; stbx pays child support; temp court orders states I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody.

The only stuff about the kids I inform him about is change in medications.

If I do need to inform him, how far in advance should I do it? How much information do I share? He doesn't even know she has a boyfriend.

Thank you!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't tell him. She is 18, isn't that considered an adult?


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^ That.
She's a legal adult. No need to tell him anything.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Gajit and Lostandpregnant! I wasn't sure if I should since he is paying child support (temp court orders).


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. She's 18 and legally an adult.
I wouldn't tell him a darned thing (unless your DD decides to do it herself).


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6456 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
JustDone
♀ Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone, don't tell him.


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Feb 2006
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old does she have to be before the child support for her stops? (Just out of curiosity)


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the extra reassurances!! I really appreciate it!

Lostandpregnant: Stbx is draggggging his ass so we are going by the temporary court orders which states he has to pay "family support". In a recent settlement offer, he has agreed to pay child support until she is 24 though but I don't know if he is going to change is mind. Quite likely. Both kiddos have needs and the probability that DD18 will be "semi-independent" (employable, etc) by 24 is questionable.

I noticed one of your children has ASD (that is one of DD18's disability) ~ I'm not sure where you are at getting child support but I would keep child support for the child with ASD "open" or "reserved" because you just never know what their level of functioning will be as an "adult".

Hang in there. You have a lot on your shoulders. Bless you and all your little ones!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah ok. That makes sense. My son is from my first marriage, so there's nothing I can do in regards to his stepfather bailing, although it has been very very hard on him (major regression after we've worked SO hard..it is awful).


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's a legal adult. I wouldn't tell him a thing.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2521 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Topic Posts: 10

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