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User Topic: A started a year ago this week...my little vent
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So last week I felt at peace with my "Three Year Plan." After this past week I don't know if I can last that long.

I hate what he has done. I hate that he didn't love me enough. I hate that I brought our child into this mess of a marriage (I do NOT hate that she is here, she has saved me) and now I will have to share custody when I didn't do anything wrong. I hate that his child from a previous relationship is allowed to treat me like crap even though I've been in his life since he was a baby and do more for him than his "REAL" parents combined. "He's 16 and is just being a typical teenager." Whatever!! I hate that WH can push my buttons. I hate that I swear all the time now, when I barely did pre-A.

I have to make it three years. There is so much to do and take care of. He wants to make this work. He "loves" me. He swears he will never cheat again. I LOVE how all of a sudden he is in such control of himself that he can make that promise...flipping liar! I am done but am stuck for now. Not stuck-stuck, just need that long to get my ducks in a row. Heaven help me!

How do we BS's DO this?!?! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger?? We should all be able to bench press a Boeing 747 by ourselves!!

Thanks for listening.

<End Vent>


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you still with him?


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, still with him for now. I'm a SAHM and waited forever for my daughter. I'm not about to give up this time with her. She's the ONLY reason I didn't leave on D-Day.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're stuck for now. Moving out with her isn't an option?


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The possible emotional turmoil your daughter sits in because of this mess may not be what's best for your daughter.

I would consider moving out sooner, you may give up some time because you have to work, but I would rather have happy time than time walking on eggshells, in a state of sadness.

It's too much for anyone to live in, even a young child. They feel it, they get it.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's always an option to leave, but as my IC said, staying is the better option for me right now and I should stop beating myself up over it.

BTW...I've been following your story. I am sending you a PM after this.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Karma. If I ever thought she was suffering I'd be gone. She doesn't feel it because we don't discuss it anymore. She is the happiest little girl, and we both dote on her...even when we are together. Like I said, he wants this to work out, so it's not horrible here. I just can't do this again, so I'm working on my Exit Strategy. I'm on the "Fool me twice, Shame On Me" part of this. Not going to let him do this to me a third time! (Fourth, if you count that it went underground and I had two D-Days with this one).

ETA: I just needed to vent a bit, because I am having a really bad week with it having started a year ago. These last 7 months I've actually been okay. Probably because I expected this to happen again on some level.

[This message edited by Raven96 at 11:03 AM, December 2nd (Monday)]


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
betrayed13yrs
♀ Member
Member # 40343
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left my hubs 3 months ago. He has has a 3 year affair, and since I left I discovered that his mistress is prego with his child and due in 24 days (of course he denies their relationship and their unborn daughter). Any who, I have known for the past three years and kept lying to myself and everyone else. I left two years ago and took him back. On the surface it looked like we were better than ever, however, on the inside I was in turmoil because I knew he didn't really stop. I had decided to "share" him and pretend I didn't know and fake happiness to him and everyone else (for the sake of my children). One day I woke up in the middle of the night and had a "what the hell are you thinking" epiphany. I have a five year old daughter and a ten month old son. What kind of self respect would they have for me if they grew up knowing that I'd knowingly been in a broken marriage full of infidelity and lies, and what kind of example is that to set for my children?!?! It's been hard as hell, especially knowing that my kids have to go through this, but I have no doubt that my life and theirs will be 100% better in the long run.

Not that I'm telling you what to do. I know first hand how hard it is when our children are involved. I just wanted to share what helped me make my decision. Good luck and hang in there.


Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, B13Y. I have my plan in place and am now just getting my ducks in a row. I love the way you handled everything. They get the gift of R, then stomp on it. UGH!!

T/J: Yesterday he brought my in-laws home with him to "talk." Basically I was told that everything is in the past, and I am supposed to move forward from this point. They don't feel I need to look at his phone, iPad, etc., because he has said he won't cheat again, and they feel he is telling the truth; that I need to trust him in order to move on. My MIL said I must have so much anxiety to let this consume me that I should go on meds. OMFG-ness!!!!!

I wish I would have asked them what they will say to me when he DOES DO this to me again.

Seriously!!!

[This message edited by Raven96 at 7:30 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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