1. Find a therapist, set an appointment and KEEP it.
2. Understand what he has done.
3. Apologize to our kids to their satisfaction.
Otherwise, I file.
This. Is. Nonnegotiable.
Is there anything else I should add?
(Besides the full disclosure which I already have)
Oh and yes, I fully expect him to fail.
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
He can't apologize to your kids to their satisfaction, forgiveness doesn't come with an apology. Apologies are words, real apologies are backed up with actions over long periods of time.
He cannot just "understand " what he has done, it isn't that simple for many people. He may be long into therapy before he "gets" it.
Do you want him to fail? Are you done and this is just a mini gesture to get you "out" so to speak?
I sense strength in your post. Are you ready to rumble? Ducks in a row? Does he know you mean business, now?
Oh, number 2-I need to read your profile, but how are you going to determine whether he really understands or not? I am having trouble with this one, myself.
Oh, also, maybe add whiteflower99 to number 3. and highlight "to their satisfaction."
Of COURSE I want him to fix himself. Of COURSE I want us to work it out. It would be convenient because we ARE married, he IS the kids' father etc.
But if it doesn't I won't die. I will be fine.
I am doing this (the deadline) because if I don't he will wriggle and hoover his way back in. It has been our cycle.
I am through cycling and I'm breaking the pattern.
I guess my better question should be, what will I do should he follow through with it all?
And I know 30 days isn't enough for him to "get it", but he needs to be working towards that.
There are many many waywards here who woke up and "got it".
He may surprise me, but I am not holding my breath waiting for it.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
No worries there.
Infidelity excludes one from paying alimony in NC.
I know if you attempt to R, have consentual sex after an A, that this is not the case. (In some places)
It considers the A as forgiven.
Not sure about your state...
[This message edited by karmahappens at 5:52 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]
#2 and #3 cannot be verified. You can't really measure them.
And if you are expecting him to fail, and #2 and #3 depend on YOUR interpretation, then he will probably fail - no matter what he does.
I'm not supporting him - AT ALL. But I wonder if there are more concrete criteria for you to use?
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
Like I said, he is stuck in our limbollic cycle from hell and I am getting off the bike.
He has 28 days to convince me to stay married.
So far he is failing miserably.