Don't ask him for help but do you have friends/family who could help? Neighbours? Can you hire someone to do it or borrow a better machine?
You are NOT pathetic. Your world has been turned on its axis. Please do not beat yourself up, not now. You need to force yourself to make self-care a priority.
I didn't sleep more than 3 hours a night for almost 6 months. It made all of this so much harder to deal with. I addressed that whilst also focussing on forcing myself to eat. Then leaving the house.
You are hurting and overwhelmed.
I had got my drivers licence just before DD. Just after DD we were still sharing the car and it was my day to pick the girls up. I didn't realise it was out of petrol (gas) until I noticed the light on, I freaked out as I had no idea how long it had been on nor how much longer I had before the car stopped. I was in the City and I had no idea where the nearest petrol station was. I called the sad clown in a complete lather asking how long it had been on, how long I had where the nearest petrol station was. He was pissed off at me and basically told me it was my problem.
I pulled over and cried in that car for a good 30m. I felt so unbelievably alone in the world. And scared. God I was so scared.
This happened several times about different things. I didn't always call him.
I don't feel that way anymore. These things I was learning and the situations I was in were not impossible, they were just new. I didn't want to learn anything new - I just wanted the man I loved back.
It is hard for me to even type this out now. It feels like another lifetime, another person. But that was me. Just over under 18m ago.
You will get through this Lola. The first and most important step is self-care. Physical and emotional. And NC. The rest will fall into place.