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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: In shock
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No new update. We have been talking via email or text concerning the children. I just can't even think most of the time. Like my brain goes to him and the OW. All the lies I was told. I keep hearing him tell the OW that he loves her...today is a bad day.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know if he's gone NC with her?

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has. I believe him on that aspect.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe other people have asked, I sorta scrolled thru a bit but what I hear, which is not uncommon is total shock of course but also you swirling around what he needs to do....you have told him, he either gets it or he does not. Crying and boo hooing yet telling you NO to IC tells me he knows a little more then he is telling you. Again, he either does it or not. Also throw out there that you want him to take a polygraph, his reaction to that alone will tell you alot.

I would suggest that you find some IC for yourself, you will need someone to listen to you and help you thru this. I am afraid as most BS's find out this is only the tip of the iceberg. Good luck to you.


Posts: 5632 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And it's very likely that you are suffering from depression. Depression comes in many types. Most people immediately think of Clinical depression and assume that they are going to have to be on drugs and be down for the rest of their lives. The much more common type is situational, and let's face it, with the situations that we all have had to face, it's a wonder that ALL of us aren't diagnosed with that! This type can be helped with drugs too, but it's for a limited time. My husband is clinically depressed and I have been treated for situational depression twice so I've been through it.

I would suggest that you go see your doctor, tell him/her what's going on in your life, and ask if they think that you could use some short-term drug therapy. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I would update everyone on my status. The past couple of weeks have been hell on me emotionally. To be honest, I have been suffering from depression. My husband desperately wants to get back together but I just can't forgive him. I just can't. The mental images are killing me. And not to mention he loved this woman...I just feel dead inside. He moved out before the holidays, begging me to let him stay. I believe he is remorseful...but what about me? I don't think I can live with a man who betrayed me. So many questions in my head. Just wanted to say thanks to this forum...keeps me sane.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay strong sweetie.

My heart goes out to you. Your pain is so palpable.

Have you seen a doc? A mild tranquilizer may help to get you over this hump. Please take care of yourself.

PPGA


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear from you.

Your emotions are totally normal. I cried every day for six month. Sometimes more than once.

Only you can decide if you can R. He broke your vows and there is nothing that says you have to let him come back.

He may be remorseful but just because he begs to come back and cries doesn't mean he is. Is he in counseling? If he is truly remorseful he will want to change and fix himself regardless of your decision.

Take care. This is really hard, either way you go.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Nov 2010
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm seeing a psychologist but am resistant to taking meds, but starting to lean towards it. I just hate my husband. But I hate myself for marrying this POS. Just venting...even though he had sex with her 'once' makes me ill. The one thing I will say is that my husband is in HELL...heard from mutual friends he is a mess. The 'evil' part of me is glad, I want him to suffer.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
Markone
♂ Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Andrea,
Just sent you a PM.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2010
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband dropped the kids off and he got me thinking with something he said. He said being the cheater is worse...he knows he did this and living with pain of what he did to me and his children is killing him. I'm all over the place tonight.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said being the cheater is worse

Really? At least he HAD a choice. I am all for a remorseful WS but drop the fecal matter. This isn't about him. He already made his choices, now it's your turn.

he knows he did this

Yep, no one forced him or pulled his strings. He didn't trip and fall in. This is on him.

living with pain of what he did to me and his children is killing him

And his pain is worse? Why is he even talking about his *pain* rather than trying to fix yours.

I'm sorry, his statements just hit a nerve I didn't know I had. It's all words, all about him. What is he showing you? What actions has/is he taking to help you heal?

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's how I think. He is caught up in his pain. He is open to IC and MC....but the bigger question am i? I don't have that answer yet. Still taking things daily.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you not in IC then? Regardless, R or D, it will help. Another question, if it's ok, have you started meds yet? The result of FWW's A for me was anxiety, not depression. I left it untreated for too long and my career suffered as did my relationship with my kids. They didn't deserve the anger. Finally, went to doc and said I'm depressed. He knew of the sitch from the STD testing and actually figured out it was anxiety and not depression.

Take your time. It may be a deal breaker for you, it may not.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm seeing a psychologist who is helping me. No meds, but am slowly thinking I need them. I am not doing myself any favours by being so stubborn. I am SAHM which I have always loved, but I think it is making my situation worse is I have so much time to think. Sigh...is this really my life? I hate hearing how much he wishes he could take it back and regrets it. He's not proud of what he did and blah blah. More BS. I just don't understand how this happened.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in my car driving 5-6 hrs/day. Believe me I get the overthinking. Re: the meds. Are the children being affected by your moods? Aside from helping you, it may help them.

I hear a lot of regret in his statements. So did I for 8 months. From day 1, I got a lot of the same that you are. It took her that long to *get it* and replace all the damned words with actions. How long you wait is up to you.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My children are not being affected as I am trying to act normal and see that their daily routines stay the same. But I do think I need meds, I want to feel better. I just think I need more time until I make a decision. My WS understands that and is not pressuring me.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to offer you ((hugs)). I am several months out and still don't know the answers around trust/reconciliation. Members here say it comes back and I'm holding on to that with everything I have.

I've taken the pressure off myself by deciding not to decide. I know, whatever you decide, you are going to be ok. Blessings sister.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just sitting here again and my mind is all over the map. I think it takes a very strong person to try and move past an affair. Am I weak for not trying to forgive if my WS is remorseful? I'm scared all this hate is gonna eat me up.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
2goodannie
♀ New Member
Member # 41967
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not weak, you are so strong! Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going for the kids. And, think about the meds. When I went to get checked for STDs, my OB-GYN (who also delivered my 2 kids...mortifying) put me on something just to even me out; so that my highs/lows were not so extreme. I still cry and feel like crap, but I am still going and it has been 3 months. Like your situation, my WH wants to work things out and I am the one that can't even think about it. In fact, if I think too hard about it, I for sure can't do it. I don't think I can be married to a cheater and someone that has caused the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. I think I will be able to forgive one day, but forget? Never! How do you ever trust again? I know everyone on here talks about time being the healing agent, but I wonder if the pain ever really goes away?!

WH: Loser
BS: Me
DDay: 10/13
LTA: 4 years
Getting the strength to move forward, whatever that means!


Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 121
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