H on the other hand prefers low key this year and wants me to tell his family that my family is flying in and we will not have time for them this year. I am leaning towards inviting his family, surrounding myself so I do not endlessly or needlessly dwell in a well worn pit of emotion on the 24th and picking up my family at midnight, going to church. It will be the first time I will have seen them since DD. I can easily see myself getting strung right out over this if I let it. I need a plan.
PostA, I just could not cope and this (retreating to recover) was one of the sad by products of the A. My elderly mom did call me the year after DD to say she understood, that things happen in people's lives that not everyone needs to know about or understand and this let me know she loved me still, and allowed me to heal without feeling pressure to still be the "good" daughter. We did talk on the phone during this time and the frequency has improved in terms of the number of times we talk now. It is relaxed and happy vibe now, finally.
For those of you who have been there/done that, can read and articulate emotions better than I can who have worked through this in therapy, or who can move past reacting intuitively as I do, share your thoughts please.
FYI, Generally, I regard the A season as August, peaking on DD, and through to Feb as we coped with the worst of the fallout. I am mindful during this time to make sure I can cope, deal with emotions so they don't run high. I feel good about this this year for the most part. We did very well on our anniversary by visiting our son and not trying to celebrate our years together but enjoying ourselves in the present. (His idea).
Having said that, Finally10 attempted distraction of the antiversary with a fabulous trip to Hawaii. Even lazing on Waikiki Beach and hanging out on North Shore didn't prevent the train from slamming into me full on and causing a complete meltdown.
So intuitive reaction may just be on it's own schedule and perhaps all you can do is be good to yourself and get through the first anniversaries.
I wish we weren't on this journey.
My advice is to keep yourself busy. Try not to think about it. It will only make you upset.
Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.
There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.
I am bumping again to see if any wise SI'ers that have made it throughout the holidays at the 3rd, 4th or better mark can weigh in.
I know holidays are a favourite time to out the affair, I'm not alone there.
I prefer a positive me but do not want to set me up for a melt down either.
And, I know the stress is creeping....I'm losing focus in my workouts and wasting other peoples time I managed to park my car in the garage and forgot to turn it off last week and went to bed with a beef roast in the oven last night...losing focus. Pretty sure it's not medical...just this DD/Christmas thing again.