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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Checking in
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all! I haven't been on here in a while. At first I made an effort to stay away because I could feel myself becoming depressed by reading the struggles of everyone. So I limited myself to once a week. Then I got super busy. So anyway, I just wanted to stop by while I have a couple free minutes to say Hi and possibly offer some hope.

Things have been going very well for us lately. So well that we haven't went to MC in a couple months. He has changed so much,and honestly, so have I. He is no longer the selfish ass that he use to be and if I feel something I voice it instead of pushing it back and hiding it. Looking back on our life together I now see that he was always selfish, even way back before the A. I use to work 5 days a week. I would get up at 5am, get ready, get the kids ready, take them to day care/school and go to work. Work til 5, stop and pick kids up from day care/after school program. Then come home, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen, help kids with homework, do laundry. I would be lucky to fall in bed at midnight then get up and do it all again the next day. I would spend my weekends cleaning and taking care of everyone else. He wondered why I was always tired. Why I never wanted to do anything but sleep. He would pout like a 2 yr old if I had to do something with the kids and didn't have time to just sit with him. However, he works 12 hour rotating shifts. Which basically means he works 14 days a month, with one entire week off. On his days off he would do NOTHING! It was his day off, he thought he deserved to do nothing but sit on his ass or sleep all day.
Things are so much different now. He helps around the house, even though I have quit my job and stay home now. He understands when I need to do something with the kids, even encourages it and will join in now. He helps the youngest with her homework. My oldest DD is a senior this yr. She will be going to Marshall University next year. He actually took a vacation day and went to a game with us last Friday AND bought clothes to wear to the game. A HUGE deal for him as he is a WVU Alumni and damn proud of it. Anyone from WV will understand, WVU and Marshall fans/alumni have a pretty big rival thing. He is thoughtful to me. He shows me daily that I am his number 1 priority, that he will do anything to make me feel safe and loved and to make my life easier. For the first time in my adult life I feel like I have a true partner.
We are coming up on one year since we renewed our vows (Dec 31) We plan on slipping away for the day, just the two of us, to a very private waterfall I have found in the woods near our house. We have both been working on writing new vows to each other. We plan on doing this every year, at a different spot each time. Basically just reaffirming our love and commitment to each other every year.

There are still days that "she" and what he did will slip into my mind. However, it is not as much now. Mostly, it is caused by something that is going on in that moment and it passes quickly.

I hope that this post helps someone in some way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that it hasn't really been that long for me, but he has done the work on himself, he is a better person now and honestly has been since he ended the A and got help for his depression otherwise there would have been no renewal of vows last year.
I think I have reached a point of acceptance. What happened happened, there is nothing I or he can do to change that. He has changed and become a better person, not because I asked him to but because he wanted to. He has said that he wants to be the kind of person that I deserve to be with and that he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for not being that person before. He understands that this was his one fuck up. He is not allowed another one. I will leave and never look back if it happens again and yes, I am prepared to do that. However, I honestly do not think he will ever do it again. I have hope for our future...it looks bright!

I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays... whatever saying suits you and yours.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
tryingtwo
♀ Member
Member # 19717
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too have stayed away for many of the same reasons you have. SI became a drag on my new life instead of the new beginning. I am so happy to hear that you are doing so well. I am too. My life now is at worst a rut worst, at best the man of my life giving to me.

I will tell this here, this is why I came to SI tonight.

Arthritis has settled into my hip now. Read my profile if you want to know why. I cannot put on my sock on my right foot. One day I said, no, whined, that there is coming a day soon when it will be a physical impossibility for me to put on my sock. My husband listened. That in itself is a big thing. Then he said to me this...

I will put on your sock.

As life ages the importance of small things become so large. I just stopped and looked at him. We have come a long way...all the way back to true love. I will put on your sock.

If love is there, then there is away to find a path back to it. We did. So did you.

I am happy to read your post today.


Innocent people generally want to get to the bottom of things. Guilty people usually want the discussion to be over as soon as possible.

Posts: 10315 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Oregon
33years
♀ Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm fairly new here, but I appreciate you "checking in". It was uplifting!


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 73 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shatteredheart, it is so good to read your story. I'm really happy for you.

TryingTwo, that story brought tears to my eyes. "I will put on your sock." Such loving words without even saying "I love you." It shows how far you've come and that's a really beautiful thing. (((TT)))


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23488 | Registered: May 2004
Topic Posts: 4

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