Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: deeter (44579)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Response to Email about Taking Infant DS
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like "The Clampets Come to Town." Good luck. ((hugs))


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to say how proud and impressed I am with how far you've come! Strong boundaries! ((Hugs))


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Nature Girl said. It is important to have it in writing that you said no and why in case he tries anything


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still guessing he won't show.

But since he has tried to contact you, you need to set the rules before he arrives with his posse. I am sooo glad your family is going to be there with you -- yeah for the sister!

I'd only reply briefly with the short time frame for Friday night (bedtime, etc..) and I like how someone said just ex on Fri night.

This baby isn't going to know ANY of these people, right?. Hello,separation anxiety-- your son is at the prime age for that. Having just dad on Fri night will help with that.

And definitely nail down the time for Sat. The start AND end time. I think 9 hours is waaaaay too long for this first visit. I'd let ex know you put baby down at xx time, so he is welcome to visit for 2 hours before, or 2 hours after. (Or however long...)

Definitely put an end time so you are not sitting there entertaining the ex and his family aallllll damn day. Clearly the baby can't!

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 9:24 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3534 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a bit alarmed here. You say that he *knows* that he can only see the baby at your parents house....and yet his email to you says this:
***We will probably pick him up Saturday around 10:00 and return around 7:00.***

You need to address this with him.....PRIOR to the visit.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:42 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a bit alarmed here. You say that he *knows* that he can only see the baby at your parents house....and yet his email to you says this:
***We will probably pick him up Saturday around 10:00 and return around 7:00.***
You need to address this with him.....PRIOR to the visit.

Yes, this is my big confusion here, too. He's making a massive assumption that you need to correct immediately.

I'd write:

Loser,

You are welcome to come visit with Baby, Friday evening before 8pm, at my home, before he goes to bed.

On Saturday, you may visit with Baby at my parents' home, as per our arrangement. Until we have a legal, court-ordered agreement, Baby will stay with me or my parents.

I also love the idea of blocking his vehicle in.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2504 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, December 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to be repetitive, but do take all precautions with DS. DO NOT allow the baby to be taken from your home. Without temporary custody orders, whoever has the baby is assumed to have rights to the child. The authorities will not take the child from one legal parent to return it to another. Temp orders are NEEDED!!! Without those, make sure you are the parent who has the baby. I would not even let them take the baby for a walk. Seriously.

If dad and grandparents don't like these restrictions, then maybe it will encourage them to get into court and agree to temp orders about custody.

I have seen this play out in court while I waited for my turn. Moms who were pleading for the court to return a child that had been taken for a visit and not returned.

Prepare for the worst. These people are not your family or friends to you or DS. They likely see you as the one who stole DS from them, so they would just be "taking him back." See?

Don't let your guard down!!

Hoping it all goes smoothly and easily, but be cautious. OVERLY so. And don't apologize for it. It is the right thing to do.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5742 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a backup I might consider putting a gps on his car while he is in your area. That way if he takes off with DS, you can track him.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 703 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes to the tracker. It's very very easy to place a tracker on someone's vehicle. It can be a grey area legally..but is a chance I would absolutely be taking if my kids were involved.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I would email him back and tell him that you would be more then happy to meet at the local whatever public place that you can stay in a corner while everyone hangs with DS,

NO leaving, NO switching of carseats nada.

If there is nothing in place, then there is nothing that says he can't just take the baby and go.

Your only other option is to open your home to them while they visit with your DS, and I really dont think that is a good option.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to chime in and agree with DO NOT LET HIM LEAVE WITH THE BABY.

They sound like they are all up to something. And if they aren't, then no harm done.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3275 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He did not take the news well that he cannot leave my parents' house with DS (although he already knew that). He called very member of my family and got my sister on the phone and made threats to take the baby by force and to take my sister's kids too. He said he wants my family to "feel the pain" and he's "sick of doing things the legal way, I'm going to take matters into my own hands."

Just left the courthouse. Filed an injunction for an order of protection.

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 2:49 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Apr 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my GOSH! This guy is psycho!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9458 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you also put DS on the order as a protected person.

Be safe.

((((NewMom))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2541 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

got my sister on the phone and made threats to take the baby by force and to take my sister'a kids too

Your sister? The one who's a cop???

Good news is your immediate problem is solved.
Bad news is that your stbx is a crazy f'n whack-job.

Be safe.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just left the courthouse. Filed an injunction for an order of protection.
Honey - SO glad you are taking him seriously and taking action. Sending you tons of strength. (((((newmom & ds)))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24744 | Registered: Aug 2011
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is the absolute best thing he could have done... For your case. Make sure your son is listed as a protected person. Ask your lawyer to send an emergency letter warning him that in light of his recent threats he is not to come This weekend. Your sister should look into an order of protection for her and her family too. I would also see about letting the police, aside from just your sister know, so that they are on high alert. If he shows at all this weekend or you see his family members, call the police, he is unhinged.

It is now even more crucial that you file for emergency temp orders, requesting no visitation or supervised visitation by a court authority and in a neutral location.

Stay safe, I am seriously worried about yours and your sons' and family's safety with him.

Can you be in contact with a domestic violence shelter? You may need an emergency plan in place if he shows

[This message edited by betrayedfriend at 2:15 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I happened to be coming to town (my former town) this morning when everything went down. I have him blocked on my phone and a few weeks ago my attorney had requested through his attorney that he no longer call me or email me insulting me because it's harassment. I think that is why he called all of my family members because I wasn't answering. He did not call the police officer sister, he called the elementary school teacher sister. She was standing in front of her first grade class and took the call thinking it was an emergency. He just went off screaming at her....accused her of recording the call (I wish!) and said a bunch of garbage about my family.

His call shook her up. She knows everything that has been going on but even so, she wasn't prepared for his hostility and anger. He threatened to take one of her kids if he couldn't take DS. He said, "If anyone gets in my way I'm going to take them down." "If I can't take DS, then I'm going to take one of your kids so you see what it feels like, so your family can feel the pain." He also said, "I'm calling you in the morning so she can't say I'm calling her drunk all the time." She hung up on him as he was still screaming into the phone. She said she was scared and a chill ran through her whole body because she had never heard him rage like that before.

He is the godfather of her son. My sister and her husband used to go on vacation with us. I'm used to his anger and hostility by now, but it really shook her up. My BIL (my sister's husband) is rightfully pissed and wants to wring his neck. I've asked my family NOT to contact him or his family while I file this injunction for protection so as not to tip him off.

The one good thing is that he sent a text immediately after apologizing for the way he screamed at her. So if it's granted then I have even more proof since it was a verbal threat and not recorded.

Part of me says this is just more of the same hot air he's been spewing since the get go, but I can't take any chances. He is an alcoholic. He is in possession of an unregistered fire arm. I put all of this in my statement.

If it's granted, then we have an order of protection for 2 weeks until we have a hearing. At the hearing the judge can set visitation and child support. The domestic abuse counselors I met with today said they hope it's granted because he's been emotionally abusing way before this incident.

My parents contacted the police department across the street to give them a heads' up. My sister is filing an incident report. My attorney has been on call and on the phone with me all day.

I am on my way back to the courthouse to see if it is granted. I find out at 4:30pm.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Apr 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fingers crossed, honey. (toes too)


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24744 | Registered: Aug 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, his true colors are coming shining through, now aren't they?

You are lucky that he is so demonstrative with his rage, because you can protect yourself and your family. It doesn't seem like it right now, but it's actually better for you that he is acting the way he is. He's not leaving any doubt.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3275 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 76
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.