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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Who's R-ing for the "kids?"
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right I think I can
There is a big difference between Reconciliation and Staying Married.

I did just stay married. I had no intention to R. He already burned me so bad for so long, then couldn't even man up and confess to the things he did. Till this day.

I gave it a year like everyone suggested, haven't dated, no RA, I have no intention to date or take WH back. Ever! It's a done deal.

Good luck to everyone in real R. It seems hard, but I know you can all do it.

Blackesteele, you got it so right. His IC specializes in chemical dependency bc he's an alcoholic. They like to tell me that's why he did those things. It does fit perfectly for him. He doesn't have to tell me the truth. I told WH yesterday, his lies and inability to tell the truth is what inevitably destroyed us.

For the record, I'm going to move to D/S board. I don't want to bum you all out with what you are striving for in real R.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:10 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8824 | Registered: Jan 2008
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely stayed and attempted R because of our kids. They're likely the reason I'm not sitting in jail right now, if I'm being honest.

While they definitely still are a major part of why I work so hard at R, they are not the only reason. I do not believe that two miserable married people make for good parents or role models for their children. If I did not love my W, we would not be married.

Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried for them, but I would not stay married just for them. I have grown in the respect I have for those who are doing so with eyes wide open. I didn't understand it for the longest time, but now I get it.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, and they're all out if the house. But, more than that, it's all the memories having them and raising them together for 25 years that keep me here. There are so many more experiences we could have together- weddings, grandchildren, etc that we could experience together. Joyfully! That's why I'm giving it my all, no stone unturned.
If I must walk away then it will be with no regrets of not trying hard enough....

[This message edited by rachelc at 3:31 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5242 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am staying for the kids, for now at least. I feel like I owe it to them to try everything before deciding to D. That being said, I know that they can't be the only reason to stay forever. I am hoping to fall in love with WS again; and if it doesn't happen, I will leave knowing that I have given it my best shot.

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pretty much verbatim what DWBH said. Swap pronouns. (This includes the jail thing.)

Children definitely add a critical element to the decision making process, but I think that in the end you don't have to stay for the kids if you are miserable.

Something that many members are constantly telling me is that you get to take as much time as you need to figure this out. That calms me down most days.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17784 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 27
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