For me I find it useful to take a step back. Look at the bigger picture. Try to remember and KNOW that as important as my marriage is to me and my happiness it is NOT everything that is going to fulfill me, make me happy, give me satisfaction, joy and purpose.
Choose my marriage:
I am in reconciliation which means I am responsible for MY part. I remember there is ALWAYS SOMETHING I can do, change, behave, think, way to act, to help CHANGE the dynamics of our relationship and my love. It is OKAY if everything is not perfect. Life it not perfect but that does not mean I cannot find great joy and fulfillment. I can change the way I respond, the way I think, even the way I feel. I have a CHOICE. I will not take everything PERSONALLY. I WILL be responsible for ME. I can CHOOSE (how great is this) and I CAN CHOOSE so many things whether to despair or pray, whether to love or hate, whether to forgive or retaliate in subtle ways or not to subtle ways, whether to look for the positive or keep track of the negative. I am part of the R and I will behave on my part responsibly.
Many Parts of Me:
My relationship is important but I can and SHOULD get fulfillment in other aspects of my life as well. It is not EVERYTHING of my life or EVERYTHING that I am. I have family, friends, job, interests, hobbies, children, GOD. I will not expect, nor should I, that my spouse will take care of FILLING me up with everything I need. That is my responsibility and that is great that I am in charge of that.
Take a Step back from the A:
Grieve...give grief its time but no more. Turn the grief into positive "lessons learned" and "Action Taken" and be prepared, if it is important to you, to work on this everyday and with a hopeful, positive heart. Even be thankful for this "opportunity"...many do not have it and end in divorce or bitterness at life's reality. I will be thankful, not resentful at what life has presented me and I will take the perspective that there is great good to come from this if only for my own very great personal growth...and I WILL NOT FAIL THIS TEST but live up to MY VALUES and WHO I AM.
Everything will be alright in the end. And if it not alright, then it is not the end:
I will Honor the feelings, then let them go. Be filled with the joy for life, hope, and peace. It will be ALRIGHT. Put it aside and live.