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Newest Member: shewassocold (44320)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He betrayed me and lied.
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did let him tell me what he has learned so far. I can't help it

Yes, you can help it. All you are doing is feeding the caretaker need when you do this.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Hope24
♀ Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so sad to watch you go through another heartbreak, NA.

You're an amazing woman. Don't let him bring you down any more than he already has. There are men out there that won't hurt you, beautiful lady.

Big hugs.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All you are doing is feeding the caretaker need when you do this.
No. I am not interested in taking care of him. Honestly, I wanted to know what he learned as far as how it relates to me. Why he did what he did. Because of how it affected me. Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

Thanks Hope.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:37 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15115 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is doing this shit now, what is he going to do later?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3197 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

I get that, I really do. He did it because he wanted to and he thought you wouldn't find out.

It is really that simple. The bigger question is why you have convinced yourself that any answer he gives you is "for you". Any anwer he gives is for himself, and his own selfish thought patterns. Really! Any further interaction with him is you trying to convince yourself that it is for you own understanding, or your own healing.

Your own healing will come entirely from within yourself.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS.

what he learned as far as how it relates to me.

It doesn't relate to you, only to him.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

Unfortunately, those answers will not come from him. Look within...

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9175 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I wanted to know what he learned as far as how it relates to me.

What could he possibly tell you in that short amount of time that would even be valid? All he could do is parrot what he read in order to satiate you at that moment.

Any further interaction with him is you trying to convince yourself that it is for you own understanding, or your own healing.

I have to agree with alphakitte on this.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Myself, I really don't have any desire to wait around for someone to "fix" themselves so that we can build a good relationship. I want them "fixed" before they even offer themselves to me as an option.
^^^This wisdom from Dontknowwhyme^^^ repeat it until it sticks.

I'm a fixer and a helper and a healer too. But now I only do it for myself and my friends not anyone I date...

(((NA))) When the shock wears off, give yourself some time--weeks maybe--of NC with this guy so you can sort it all out for yourself without his influence.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3013 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What could he possibly tell you in that short amount of time that would even be valid? All he could do is parrot what he read in order to satiate you at that moment.
I need to think about that one.....

He did it because he wanted to and he thought you wouldn't find out.
Yeah. I do know that. He knows that also. It was very selfish.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 10:41 PM, December 6th (Friday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15115 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Concerned  Posted: 9:11 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear NA, I am so sorry for your pain.
I feel a special kinship with you since we were in the same 'class', by that I mean SI joining time.

Please don't let this dim the beautiful spirit, caring person that you are.

Also, consider going NC and 180 at least until you get back on your footing. Do this for YOU.


Posts: 4677 | Registered: Dec 2009
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Helen.
Also, consider going NC and 180 at least until you get back on your footing.
I am detaching some, but I go back and forth. He used to be the one I ran to FOR comfort, now he is the cause of my pain.

I am so angry and hurt. He promised he would not drive other women around because I knew he was working on boundary issues. I asked him SPECIFICALLY about the women at work. And then he looked me in the eyes, left my home twenty minutes earlier than usual, telling me he needed gas or food, and it was to pick up the damsel in distress and take her nasty ugly butt to work with him. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE HER!!!!!!!! Except for the ego stroking validation he got. He left me, the one he "loved" and wanted to make a future with, just so he could be the hero. AND WE TALKED AND TALKED ABOUT HIS KISA ISSUES! HE WAS AWARE OF THEM AND HE EVEN WAS CAREFUL AROUND ME WHEN WE WERE JUST FRIENDS! When he felt himself needing to rescue me, he would back off and tell me about it. So I thought he was doing really well with the issue. I respected this one because he was in counseling and working hard on his issues. He would talk them OVER with me!!!!!

I'm so stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought we were equals because I've done a lot of counseling for my issues and have come far...I thought he was working on his too and I SAW him making progress before I agreed to date him. I thought people could change. I have. I know I've become a better person. I had some bad traits. I've had some character flaws. I worked really hard to fix those. So I thought people could change. I've seen people work on here and change.

He looked me in the eyes and lied, because his selfish need for ego-stroking was more important than anything real with me. I hate him.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15115 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 52
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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