Separating the lies from the truth can get tiring. At this point, honestly, I assume everything is a lie…but my Wh also doesn't want to R, so he has no reason to try and correct things between us.
I can tell you that at some point in the future you are going to get weary of reading those texts. For me, it helped me reconcile the man I thought I was married to with the man that he is - in this momnt - I'm hoping the man I married resurfaces at some point, but I have no control over that.
hang in there. it gets better…sort of…good days and bad…make sure your mascara is washable so it will come out of the carpet after you've been layng there sobbing...
Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot at such a dark time. I will try to find your initial post to read your story (I'm new to forums so struggling to find my way around).
Life can be very unfair and so hard at times, I'm glad your husband is doing his best to make it work and hope you find your happiness. Good luck to you.
I've been through 2 years now of trying to deal with that information. My WH, like yours, was/is very remorseful, but our relationship will never be the same. My advice would be not to erase anything right now, even if you don't read it. I needed to have every bit of information that I could get in order to try to piece together the truth of what my life had really been for those lost years, and honestly, while he admits any information I have and remembers anything that I bring up, he has never volunteered one piece of information that I didn't find first or remember first.
Give yourself time and a lot of flexibility in figuring out what you want and need from life and from him. Don't rule out any options and don't destroy anything you may desperately wish you had later. This is a very long road, I'm so sorry to say.
Please know that you're not alone. I hear my story in your words and my heart aches for what I know you're going through in finding out that the person you trusted everything to for years and years is not who you thought he was. I know what it's like to think back over every memory of so many years and wonder how, in all those seconds and minutes and months and years, it never once occurred to him that he was doing something horrific to his family and that he should stop. I know what it's like to realize that if he hadn't been caught, he probably never would have stopped.
You have found a good place to be, though it's horrible that any of us have to be here. Hang on and take care of yourself as much as you can. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk about this truly crappy situation that we share.
You will need to give yourself a lot of slack here. The holidays will be tough. If you're with family, stick with them and ignore him when possible since he will remind you of what was taken from you by the two of them and what he's done. There will be time later to work on the two of you if you want to do that, but for these first few months, you need to just be concerned with you and what you need minute to minute. Also, cancel or decline any events that are optional or that will make things more difficult. Let him make excuses and explanations. Do only what will make you feel better, loved and supported.
Everything else can be and is optional. If you're like most of us, putting yourself first may not come easily after many years of practice doing the opposite, so make this your mantra: I come first.
A long-term A (LTA) is a special and specific kind of hell (they all are, really, but this particular hell is ours). Reach out here when you need it, and PM anytime.
You can do this. It'll hurt so much that you'll think you can't a lot, but you can. We're here for you. ((((Lola))))