Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS's - Part 8
SI Staff
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duplicate thread

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:38 AM, December 5th (Thursday)]

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SAWH has been doing some reading and mentioned "fake future" as the term for what WS use as a way of getting their AP to stay. Because after awhile, in order for the affair to continue it has to have some sort of goal, especially if the AP is a single female.

Did any WS here use "fake future" in their A? Did you actually believe what you were saying at the time or did you say things to your AP knowing you would not be following through? I'm curious about the level of detachment.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 41649
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband tells me that sex is much better with me than during the 5 month affair (they worked together and met monthly for 2/3 evenings in a row - on different coasts most of the time - though they did talk or text every day) even though his anticipation was tremendous. He said he was always thinking about me, so he had to work to have an orgasm and the sex was not satisfying. She also told me that even though the chemistry was great, the actual sex was not. In particular, he took a really long time and even then was not always successful. I have never had that problem with him.This runs counter to everything I have ever read about affairs. Our MC buys it, but he is trying to keep us together, How likely is his (or her) version? BTW she is close to 20 years younger than him. I am asking WS for input.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edit:: Ooop.... Sorry didn't see that it was a duplicate thread! Blonde moment

Too bad there's not a delete button (sorry Mod's)

[This message edited by FoggedIn at 1:31 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

D-Day 1 8/9/13 :: Discovered make-up on hotel sheets
Real D-day 8/10/13 :: Confirmed by his emails, he admitted when caught red handed
9/18/13 :: Finally answered questions, got truths to many details he lied about
D-Day 2 - 12/28/13 :: Confronted

Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
♂ New Member
Member # 42328
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Madhatter here, just wanted to respond to these two questions:

Fake Future and Can't Climax.

Fake Future
Yes, WS's do use this as a way to keep things going. In my situation, I had a 4 week affair with a co-worker who, as it turns out is a WS as well.
She was the individual that would mention this future.

She was 18 years younger than me. There is a lot to my story but I knew there was no future with her, I told her that if my marriage ended, which me just talking to her and hiding it may have been enough to do, I could not be in any relationship with anyone. Trust me, (my -for lack of a better term- moment I seem to have all the time) I have been here before.

My lack of good judgement allowed me to convince myself that it was somehow safer because she was married, during the initial phase of my A that is. For her, and I cannot speak for her just her actions, it was a romance that was meant to be. I know how fleeting initial honeymoon phases can be in any relationship. Once I learned of her wayward side, I ran. Moved out of my apartment, moved in with my sister, cut off all contact, left my job for a step down position, have been going through months of EXTREME remorse, guilt and attempting R. The list goes on and on, PM me if you want details and I can post my responses wherever appropriate. My story is long and character limit sensitive.

Can't Climax.
So yeah, before I ran I gave in to the PA. This by far is my most embarrassing, regretful moment. For approximately 7 days. I say approximately because I was drinking heavily, which I blamed for my inability to climax? I don't really believe that, I told her that is what it was but I knew it was my mind, my body rejecting this behavior. 3 of the 5 times we had intercourse I literally passed out. Part from my inebriation and part from just giving up.

Throughout my A I climaxed once. This was with my BW, now a WW herself, hopefully fWW as I consider myself to be a Recovering fWH although I am a work in progress.

Married 17 Years May 31, 2014 - Separated - In Limbo
Mad Hatters - This is HIS profile.
WS married to WS
One DS - 5
Yeah, we both did stupid things. I am lucky to be alive.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Lock This Topic is Locked
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.