So far, not seeing any jabs at the ex, has been very respectful, almost formal at times. But, his very first email to me was…poetic…and that actually turned me a little off. So, I turned him down. He was nice about it, and told me if I ever reconsidered, to look him up. Well, I decided a few weeks later, "Why not? I'll give him a chance…"
All is good, until today when I emailed that I was headed outside to do some gardening.
His reply,"Hope the gardening was good, dirty, and sweaty. I find gardening very therapeutic, cleanses the mind and the body (well after a nice hot shower to wash the sweat off)." Then some other completely benign stuff about his kids in the next paragraph.
I'm thinking, WHOA. Slow down! You haven't even met me yet…no sexual references!
I know…guys think about sex a lot. I get it. But, am I out of line that this is pushing it before you've met someone?? I haven't responded because I'm hovering between just being cool with it, I know he finds me attractive, and telling him that was inappropriate. I'm not a prude, but I move slower in the sex area until I'm 1)comfortable 2)monogamous. I'm not sure I'm attracted to him, I have to meet him to make that determination.
How would wise SI handle this?
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I'd probably let this one slide because it isn't blatant innuendo to me. However, if he does it again I'd call him out on it.
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
I edit often for clarity.
It seems like he's feeling you out to see how you'll respond.
Dang the comments I've made make that look very innocent....and I wasn't make'n innuendos either.
But you do know the guy much better than I. Take a deep breath, meg. Keep your mind outta the gutter. Public tv is more "forward" than that, any more it seams.
Good luck, wish the best for ya!
One of the biggest turn ons with TG was that it was a looooong time before we got to that. We talked for hours and hours and hours for weeks and weeks and weeks before our relationship became sexual. There was constant respect from TG. Even when I left the door wide open. That told me a lot.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
FWIW, I also do not find sexually based jokes/innuendo funny, Don't like pornography, sex toys, etc... It's interesting to experience just how sexually forward/explicit folks are now-a-days right off the bat, how foul mouthed many "ladies" are right off the bat, and it is all considered normal... I love refined, sophisticated ladies who know that being this way is a HUGE aphrodisiac; not overt, raunchy talk and actions... Good luck!
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
He did ask me last night, in an email, if I am always "formal". I know the way I write, I can sound formal…but I'm not. So I replied that I am not conservative and actually very casual in real life. He replied well.
But, then this email this morning.
The deal is…I love sex. But not until I'm committed and comfortable. I don't even flirt very much until I'm well into a relationship and the trust is there.
I think I'm going to ignore it and see what he does. He is calling me tonight and date is tomorrow.
If he does it again, I'm done.
Red Flag #1.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am becoming.
I've had men say, "You are pretty…" or compliment a photo before a date. That is one thing.
This is something else. I hate when I pick up on a vein of something…because it usually means I am right.
The only other guy that did this to me was waaaay in the beginning of my OLD life, and he was much more "out there" with it, it wasn't subtle, and I ignored my gut and met him anyway. He then proceeded to stalk me for a few days after turning him down. Blowing up my phone in drunk rants, stalking me on LinkedIn, etc.
I don't want a stalker.
Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
Hope your not right and hope your date/shopping goes well. At least get a meal out of the guy!
I still haven't responded.
Trust your instincts, Cmego. If something feels "off" there's a good reason.
My x is an expert at grooming, and that would be just the kind of message he would send to start the conversation.
About three messages later would be the penis pics.