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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When do you feel it is appropriate for the innuendos to begin?
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow he sounds crazy pants. I wouldn't even waste time trying to interpret what he hopes to get out of those messages. You haven't even met yet and he is already building all this up!

Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could take a defensive approach and admonish you for suggesting to me being in the status of "separated" was not meeting entry criteria

Really? It is up to you what status you consider meeting entry criteria. He can take his admonishment and . . .

perhaps this is an opportunity to present your own argument for you and put emotions aside for a moment for validation.

I think I know what he is saying, and I think he hopes to provoke you to respond, but the comment, "put emotions aside for a moment for validation" means what exactly? Validate what?

He's a tool, your gut was right. Don't respond.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if he thought that I was using him for ego kibbles…that I "taunt" men or something. I don't know.

I"m pretty creeped out.

All he should of responded was, "Thanks for letting me know. Good luck."


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4180 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Communications are critical at all stages

Note to self...


-t2g

PS - guys like this ruin OLD chances for the rest of us.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9186 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if he thought that I was using him for ego kibbles…that I "taunt" men or something. I don't know.
Stop that. You.Did.Nothing.Wrong. Stop giving him that kind of mind space. Abusers want to be "on your mind" that is what he was trying to do. He is a jerk and a louse and a creep. When you start to think that you "did" something wrong, encouraged or that you are responsible for his creepiness somehow, let that thought go.

[This message edited by better4me at 3:14 PM, December 6th (Friday)]


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abusers want to be "on your mind" that is what he was trying to do.

Absolutely! That's why I said I think he is trying to provoke you into a response. Perhaps his words don't make sense, AND he's just down right wrong, on purpose - he wants to provoke a response. Or he's not the brightest bulb, either way he's a loser.

Block.Him and Forget.Him


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Still Livin, my x would begin to groom new prospects by starting his first messages with "Hello Goddess".

I've watched these clowns in action, in real time. I know all the cues.

God I'm jaded...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Fireball72
♀ Member
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ick. Sounds like he's trying to sound oh-so-clever. And failing miserably.

I still don't know if it was innuendo or not, but that response is pure ick. Just as well that it didn't go further, as you can (and will, no doubt) do much better.

And finally .... ick. Just....ick.


XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The dude is a controller. DO NOT respond again.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9186 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see the innuendo there. Some divided opinions here.

I think his putting the "cleansing" part in the next line is a way to soften the delivery a bit but I definitely see it. He seems to be leaving something up to interpretation, something arguable there. Something to build off of, if you are game.

I'd just prefer someone get to know me, the non-sexual side of me first and foremost. Sex is important to a lot of us, myself included. But when the jokes or references start so early on, I feel this is a red flag.

At the very least, it was a bizarre message.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good instincts, cmego! I didn't catch anything really off with the gardening comment. If I ever do schedule a date, I think I'll run it by the folks here first!


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I clearly saw the sexual innuendo with the gardening comment. Not even a close call IMO.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
9.10.11
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, he's a pecker head. No good guy would email like that and not just accept and respect your decision.

Good call, cmego! You don't need a guy like that.


Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
Whatever13
♂ New Member
Member # 41468
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The innuendo is definitely there, though subtle. I imagine that he's just testing his boundaries though. Perhaps he's in unfamiliar territory as well, and not sure how to properly convey attraction to a woman he barely knows. He's probably just as uneasy about it all as you are. Trust your gut; if that sort of flirtation bothers you at this point, let him know that. If it doesn't, maybe just run with it. Have some fun. You never know what may come of it.


Me (BS): 27
Her (WS): 25

DDay #1- 6/09 PA
DDay #2- 3/13 EA

Still riding the roller coaster of ambivalent limbo.


Posts: 28 | Registered: Nov 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh I am learning so much about OLD in this one thread... note to self - don't do it!

Good call cmego!

I could take a defensive approach and admonish you

If "admonishing" someone he has never met (and you were very polite in your communication) is a "defensive," move for him. I don't want to know what he deems to be an "offensive" move.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 75
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