For us, we fell in love in college many years ago and have been together ever since. Over the last couple years, I began to take our relationship for granted and did not pay attention to her in the way she deserved. I know I am not at fault for my WS actions, but I do know now that I was not doing my best to be the person my WS deserved. I essentially just detached myself emotionally from the relationship and never thought this would ever be my reality.
I told my WS that it makes me sick to think that I could lose her, and even more sick to think that I could have done something about this so much sooner. She is wanting to work on reconciliation, which I am soooo grateful for. I know that I cannot just be the person I need to be, but also the person she fell in love with. She has made the choice to work with me and commit to our relationship, but she is now struggling with the emotions of losing someone she developed a very strong bond with (OP). She knows that to move on she has to cut ties in order for us to be able to work on us...but she is scared that she will never be able to get rid of these other feelings. I know it is still real fresh, but I just want to take that pain away from her. I love her too much to see her this way and I hate that she has to experience these feelings. I just want her to be happy, even if she decides one day to not chose me. I am just thankful she is giving me a chance right now.
Also I totally get the feeling of being greatfull that she is willing to R but please don't forget that she too she be greatfull that YOU are willing to forgive her A and work on R. (((hugs)) This isn't easy for some people to hear but please try to remember that you have been hurt and she needs to help YOU too.
I strongly suggest that you read
(Calling all BSs by Nomadlady in General---I just bumped it for you)
It puts your situation in a nutshell
It sounds like you are blaming yourself for your WW's A. It is not your fault. All marriages go thru ups & downs, times of distance, but you both took a vow to ride it out thru thick & thin.
You did not hold a gun to her head & force her to cheat. She allowed herself to do it because something is broken inside of her.
Would she be willing to join SI & read/post in the WW forum?
Your #1 priority right now is to take care of you. You might want to read some of the threads in Just Found Out, (Great Posts for Newbies, Tactical Primer, Boundaries & Consequences, & 20/20 Hindsight.)
All of us BSs know exactly how you feel, & we have your back. Sending you strength
[This message edited by mchercheur at 12:13 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]
Although this was my first post, I have read a ton of the stuff on this site and it has been extremely helpful. I really appreciate this site.
You will find a lot of support and a lot of good resources to help you through.
There is also a thread down in the ICR (I Can Relate) section of this web site called "Betrayed Men", if you would like to seek additional support and camaraderie down there.
One week out is a very rough time. Hang in there, and please take care of yourself. Make sure you drink plenty of water, and eat whenever you can. Exercise and physical activity helps immensely as well.
You can get through this and come out stronger on the other side!