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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New IC
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well went to my first appointment today with my new IC. And yep better match, not afraid to dig and say what is what. Funny how the last one didn't want to dig. When that's what I wanted to do.

I don't feel better, infact I am a ball of tears anger sadness, shame disappointment, resentment. Everything balled up into one holding it together ME. But I am holding t together and I am still feeling. Which is huge, I am NOT shutting down.
am suppose to write everything down as it comes to my head right wrong , nuts or sane on how I feel about my Grandfather and my parents and the things that happened. This is where we are starting. SHe says don't be correct. this is for you to get it out, swear if you want. scream if you want tell these people how you feel and what you think of them.
Never done that before. I am weirdly looking forward to this exercise.
I have a horrible headache, I feel like I have been beaten and haven't slept for 4 days. And that's after one hour session. Have another next week and I have to have this assignment done.

I am hoping, this helps for me to get to that balance I so want , to be able to just be happy, and as my BH said maybe she can fix you.

It been a hard week for many of us I can see, Just once again I am grateful for SI, for all of us to be able share and hopefully grow and live how we all have the potential to do.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel better, infact I am a ball of tears anger sadness, shame disappointment, resentment. Everything balled up into one holding it together ME. But I am holding t together and I am still feeling. Which is huge, I am NOT shutting down.

this IS huge

healing can sometimes hurt, but it's temporary hurt that leads to lasting healing.

as a wise one once said "you can't heal what you don't feel"

keep up the good work


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14823 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a horrible headache, I feel like I have been beaten and haven't slept for 4 days. And that's after one hour session. Have another next week and I have to have this assignment done.

I would often feel like this after some of my more intense IC sessions. This is a good sign that you are covering some topics that aren't just surface level - they are deep, and possibly touching your core. Do you feel a bit lighter today?

I am hoping, this helps for me to get to that balance I so want , to be able to just be happy, and as my BH said maybe she can fix you.

Only you can fix you, but a good IC, like a really good one, can certainly help guide your healing process and be a catalyst for some deep thought processes that you might not have on your own, or might take you longer to realize on your own.

From what I hear, this new IC sounds like a big improvement over the last one. Keep up the good work, and I hope your IC sessions continue to go as productively as this one!


Posts: 6263 | Registered: Dec 2010
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I just got typing


Actually yes, I do, Thanks for checking in with me. I was even able to talk to my H about our session.
Now it is very hard for him to do that cause like he says it becomes a jumble pile of feelings for him. From resentment that we have to be here to why didn't you do this before to glad that I am finally and sad that I feel this way, to angry that this reminds him of what Ive done, just to name a few.
And yet he says to me "I want you to be able to talk to me."
And we talked more on how he's feeling as well.

Baby steps,
Today though I am feeling tired , nervous to write out my assignment, I think I need a day, my energy level is low so it keeps hitting me over and over. So I am giving myself this afternoon to have a mind break, getting stuff ready to make homemade perogies , so need to be ready , kids home in less than 4 hours.
Perhaps some of me is scared to , not sure,
And yes I think she is good, I got further in 1 hour than I have in the 7 months with the other.

Imade a huge connection today, that I thought to myself really, you never put that together? Insane

At 8 is when it all started. Or at least changed, I think. It shows me the first thing I remember as my life being disconnected.
the CSA started then nothing huge, but enough(obviously) and this is also when Grade 2School started to suck, I remember just not something? Don't have a word for it.Grade 2 I was sitting in front of a chalk board , We were doing assignment on the board, and I peed my pants, mortified, felt alienated. Had not want to ask to go , didn't want to be seen. And this was also when I remember Mrs.Gee phoning my mom and saying, I am not sure what is going on but something is wrong with Joan and there is nothing bad going on at school, she's good at her work, and yet she's not part of the group.

Bam this morning. I was 8 I was in grade 2, I have never put these two young girls together!!!!! I finally understand why I have always felt different in school, why I allways kept to myself. Cause I WAS Different.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. But its one of those OMG I want to curl up and cry and hold my 8 year old self

[This message edited by Joanh at 1:03 PM, December 6th (Friday)]


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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