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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: From lonely to peaceful
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This morning was frosty and cold in Oregon. I sat with my furbabies, sipping coffee and admiring my Christmas tree (even though it was a battle to put up... whole other story!) And suddenly I realized that I felt at peace. Like contented, happy, at peace. The mornings have been a struggle for me, and a time when I've felt the most lonely. But today I realized, I do not miss the way mornings used to be at my house.

I do not miss his longgggg, scalding hot showers that left me with a luke-warm shower every day.

I do not miss his wet bath towel left lying on the bed.

I do not miss his daily clothing drama and proclamations of being too fat for his clothes.

I do not miss that venom being turned on me because whatever item he wanted/needed/could fit his fat ass into was sure to be the one thing I hadn't washed for him.

I do not miss him yelling at his son every morning.

I do not miss glancing at his hand and seeing that yet again, his wedding ring was missing.


And I do not miss being forced to start every day with the depressing local news. Crime, car accident, school budget cuts, political scandal, and don't forget the required daily dose of animal cruelty.... I HATE the local news. XWH knew this but did not care. He wanted the news, so the news was on. Period.

I realized I literally have not watched a single newscast in the 8 months he's been gone. *insert contented sigh here*

This morning wasn't any different from those that have come before it since D-day (well, the Christmas tree is new, lol). What changed was my perspective. I hope this is the beginning of a positive trend.

Wishing all of you peaceful-not-lonely mornings.

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 5:57 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 659 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gypsy, thanks for this thread. I am feeling sad and grief-stricken at the loss of the man I thought I had married. My divorce was one week ago. But I can sooooo relate:

1. Yes, no depressing news blasting out at high volume all the *&$@ing time

2. Making a wreath tonight with my daughter without him interrupting us wanting to know what was for dinner/where are his slippers/did I do x, y, z for him today?

3. Calm during dinner without his phone buzzing and vibrating across the table. Now we have Christmas music and I mute my phone

4. A complete change in our menu. Out goes spaghetti. In comes salmon. We love it.

5. Not doing his disgusting laundry

6. No cigarette smoke drifting inside. Or filling the downstairs bathroom.

7. Half the grocery bill I had before

8. A new peace, energy and lightness. Truly, he sucked the joy out of the air. Priceless.



Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome! I love this post.

When I feel lonely, honestly, it's because I'm missing my kids. I hate that they have to spend a part of their young lives without me when they should be growing up in a home with two loving parents, not ping-ponging between one loving parent and two selfish people who care more about Ziploc bags than having clean underwear on hand for the kids.

But... I look at the bright side. I'm an introvert, and I benefit from long stretches of quiet, alone time. Having that to a greater degree in my life has been amazing.

Here's to peace AND quiet. They are highly underrated and need to be embraced far more in our culture than they currently are!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes. All of the above and then some.

I'm enjoying my fireplace, tea lights and a nice whiskey before dinner tonight. The power went out three times in an hour and I didn't care.

Cozy.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17115 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
self-rescuer
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is me every night now. Work out, fix dinner for my great 17 yr old kid, sweet visit with said kid, bubble bath and book then bed. Really - such a lovely and serene life.


BW 53
WXH 55
married 26 yrs
D-Day 9-15-11

Divorce final 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 490 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was frosty up here in Washington too. I love my new mornings. I get a cup of coffee and have my alone time. I wake up my boy and we have smiley mornings. We have fun in that evenings, making dinner, doing homework, watching our shows and laughing through yoga. I love feeling like my life is so light now. Not just as in the weight of life but the brightness of it too. I chose to be happy and it was the best choice for me.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1674 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh how I love this post and want to add ...

~ My absolute favorite is that the kids and I are not walking on eggshells.
~ My second absolute favorite is peace. Peace in me and peace in my home.

I absolutely love my life! (I would love it more if I were divorced which is the only thing I am asking for from Santa!!)


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2112 | Registered: Oct 2012
lost4now
♀ Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this! I have said many times during the past six years that all I wanted was to find peace and joy in my life again. My STBXH has been gone nearly a year now and I finally have it!!! I still have moments of annoyance from him but my home is peaceful again and I am once again enjoying my life!

I do not miss hearing hundreds of lies.

I do not miss his bad gas! LOL

I do not miss his mood swings.

I do not miss him not listening to me or remembering anything I said. I always felt so insignificant when he did this.

I am learning a new way of life and I finding my new me!!! I LOVE IT!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Lost15
♀ Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this thread! While I'm not there yet I so want to be. With every comment I read it made me smile because I know one day I will be at peace.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Oct 2013
Lola7
♀ Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this thread . . . My DD and I have noticed a change too since he left. It's only just now feeling lighter around here.

No more sports 24/7
Less than half the laundry
Less than half the food bill
No more interruptions between DD and me
No more crap around the house
No more insane electric bill with every light on in the house
No more lies
No more cheating

I'm so ready for 2014.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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