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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anguish over "anniversary"
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, not "our" anniversary. The anniversary of my BH and the OW's first physical contact.

So, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the day that BH and OW (who is his employee) started their physical contact. I know this detail because I was journaling at the time and wrote about the event that kept them at work late. It started with kissing, hugging (I'm sure groping) and then they'd call it off (guilt), then they'd start again.....and the cycle repeated until October when she gave him a bj. He called it off and I "caught" her angry resentful text about it.

Confrontation, me to IC, he's to IC, but no MC yet.

How do I possibly control my anger and sadness at this trigger? I have been so sad and angry. I feel that I will EXPLODE thinking about this (and mind movies). BH and I have discussed this and he says he knows from his counselor that he will have to "take" this from me.

He is trying, but I can't stop the incredible anger and sadness. Are there better ways to deal with these triggers?

I am not only mad about the PA, but I had my suspicions, asked him whether he was having inappropriate contact with a coworker, and he denied it. Then got angry with me for accusing him.

So first the affair, then the lie, then turning his anger toward me. Three times betrayed.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Nov 2013
TennisTC
♀ Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't reached my antiversary yet, and I'm so dreading that day. So no advice, just (((hugs))). I will send positive thoughts your way tomorrow.


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 166 | Registered: Nov 2013
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do I possibly control my anger and sadness at this trigger?
It is impossible to stop the feelings of anger and sadness from coming, no one has succeeded in doing so in a healthy way. My advice is to let the feelings come as they want to and do something "productive" or "energizing" or "helpful" tomorrow despite the pain. Maybe you can concentrate on helping someone else tomorrow...pay for the car behind you in the drive up lane at McDonald's or plug all the parking meters on Main Street...Go to the gym and run on the treadmill until you can't run any longer...or spend the day in bed crying if you need to. It will pass eventually

There is no easy fix for this OakStreet...only one way through it, and that is to feel it and keep on going. I'm sorry it hurts so bad. I'm 3 years out and the antiversary still hurts, but now it is more of a dull pain than the acute gut wrenching anguish that it was when it happened. You will get through tomorrow and the next day and the next. ((OakStreet))


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 3

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