Thank you again for your thoughts and support.
I had another friend bing up the point you did, IrishLass518. Maybe it will be best to hear the news somewhere other than their home. It would be difficult to curl up in their favorite chair if it was a constant reminder of hearing the news their Daddy is dying. Although counselors may be in our future, I also don't think that is the right setting for the news. I want them to feel free to react however they will react and be there to comfort them.
As far as ow being there, it's the emotional state championship us in. He's afraid of dying alone (aren't we all?) and since she said she'd be there with him, he's clinging to that. I think he wants her to feel part of everything so she doesn't change her mind? Personally, since I knew her before/during the A, I think he's putting his trust in the wrong person. She's not strong and she's not stable and she doesn't deal well with those responsibilities being put upon her. But, it's his choice. I think he knows, deep down, that I always will be there for him and he's relying heavily on that, especially when it comes to the kids, but based on our couple conversations, I think he's counting I me to get there in the end and to handle funeral arrangements. It's weird. I don't carry animosity or resentment towards him. I've forgiven the A and I've even forgiven him for leaving us, because he's even come close to admitting, he had it all and he gave it up. He's lost a lot through his A and our divorce.
So, anyway, having ow there is his way of not alienating her in any of this. I'm getting more okay with it. I know when this is over, she will be out of my life for good. I know my children see her as a "fixture" and not significant. She could disappear tomorrow and they wouldn't blink. In actuality, I think she'll be more uncomfortable in the situation than she thinks.
We didn't end up telling the kids over the weekend as planned. Xh just couldn't find the words. I think he's scared, understandably. I don't agree with delaying telling them. We live in a small town and my fear is the kids will hear it from a friend who overheard their parents talking. But, as I told him, this is his life, so I will try to follow his lead.