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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Everything is a Trigger
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Movies
Hotel rooms
Music
Bars
Work
Towns
Countries
Words
Work colleagues
Phones
Texts
Emails
Laptops
iPads
Airports
Facebook
LinkedIn
Feelings
Memories
My WBF
EVERYTHING

Today I am surrounded by triggers and it's taking all my effort to stop the looping and think in a different way. I don't want to stop the process but at the moment I'm a long way from home, feeling isolated and very lonely. If I allow myself to go down the trigger road without support I'm afraid it will turn into a full on panic attack. Even if I think about how long it will take me to get home at the moment I feel panic rising.

I'll be home soon so not too long to go but it's taking a lot of energy to keep calm and control my brain. I think it's because I'm alone that everything has become a trigger for me. It then leads me to consider how many people there are in the world who would be able to comfort me. This is reduced to my WBF and best friend. Both are on different time zones right now. Then I feel even more sad that I have such a sparse support system on this. So I log in here for feedback and positivity. It really helps to come here when I'm so preoccupied with this stuff.

So any suggestions on a short term fix for switching your brain off and controlling panic? I have 3 more days to get through without losing it with a bunch of total strangers.

Writing this out helps to get it out of my head. In a tiny way it removes some of the triggers' power.

I'm away with work (trigger) and here's a fraction of what I have heard:

Female co-worker says something good abut work, male co-worker's response "I just fell in love with you a little bit" - laughter

Male co-worker - "I am doing an evening class and was hoping to meet a woman, but they are all married or engaged" female co-worker's response "It doesn't matter, if its true love she will come to you"

Male co-worker talking about high expenses on a job because he booked the honeymoon suite.

Male co-worker's wife txts him during dinner, "when can I call you?" he replies "I'm at dinner" - he was getting drunk and flirting with two women.

I need to try and switch my brain off!


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 417 | Registered: Nov 2013
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


(((((((KatieG)))))))

..as they say, the list goes ON & ON...

..it really all boils down to: LIFE IS NEVER THE SAME..

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED and WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME PERSON THAT WE WERE!

sorry you are here..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((( katieG))))
I am so sorry. I know what you are feeling- completely and it is really maddening.
No one understands the turmoil that our thoughts are in.
It is so good to post here. Post often- as much as you need to. It always helps me to clarify my thoughts- and I always get some great feedback and suggestions.
I actually started saying "ding ding trigger" to myself everytime- and as we all know- I was saying it to myself all day. But in a twisted way it made me laugh- because it was just so ridiculous HOW OFTEN I was saying it.
Open the car door- ding ding TRIGGER (found the bag he got from Walgreens for condoms in the car)
Sit down in the car - ding ding TRIGGER- what kind of car does she drive? Is it nicer/cleaner than mine?

Drive to work- ding ding TRIGGER, ding ding TRIGGER.....
Answer emails/texts- ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.....
Watch tv- avalanche of ding ding triggers...
Ad on and on through the day.
Don't know that I'm helping much- kind of like the blind leading the blind through the gauntlet of nightmares- but I just wanted uou to know that I understand.
We all do. And it's okay.
It will get better.

Edited because my autocorrect is crazy too.

[This message edited by TheAmazingWondertwin at 10:03 AM, December 6th (Friday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, helps to know its normal.
I like the bell ringing idea - helps to lighten it.

Oh well, I'm hopeful I'll get through anger and move to something more peaceful soon.

Thanks.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 417 | Registered: Nov 2013
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just looking at lingerie to help me feel sexy, and triggered because one of the outfits is one the prostitute is wearing on her website.

Ding ding.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


That was funny- steadfast.

Not the trigger- but you know... The ding ding.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something happened today to make my mind move on from this crap.

I sent him a txt - we're apart at the moment as we're both away in different countries - and we have been txting frequently, then all of a sudden he stops txting back. So I go into panic mode and try and track him down, call his friend to help me find him. I'm worried something has happened to him, etc. etc. He's doing a crazy sport thing so I'm worried for his safety not cheating.

So about 10 hours after I lose contact with him and I have involved all sorts of other people to find him, he txt me "hi honey" - WTF

He says he left his phone in the car!

I got angry and said I thought he was dead or injured, I involved other people, I'm away and can't get back home easily. But he's drunk and can barely speak!!!!

OMFG - that's it - he should feel shit about that. So I get off the phone and he txts to say he's so sorry and I could do better than him. Sounds like he's trying to exit to me or is it just self-loathing.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 417 | Registered: Nov 2013
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Funny  Posted: 6:46 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel better, then.

She also has a corset like one I have... But I look better in it. And her boobs sag.

It does suck though. So many things are a trigger now. Like Netflix keeps recommending a movie called "Whore's Glory", a document on the woes of prostitutes. Ding ding.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry your WBF doesn't get it yet. Getting drunk isn't going to help, self-pity on his part isn't going to help (though it's pretty common)... I hope he gets a clue soon. Being unavailable by phone for 10 hours? unfair under the circumstances. Take very good care of yourself, it sounds like he has a long way to go.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks knowing, I have emailed him a long angry rant. I'm finally getting to the place where I need to sit back and see what happens here, he needs to start doing as well as saying I think.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 417 | Registered: Nov 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he needs to start doing as well as saying I think
.

Yes! Yes he does. Pretend he is on TV, KatieG. Turn the volume down. What is he DOING? If you get the message by his actions, that's good. If you are looking at the screen and just see his mouth moving...not so much.

((KG))

[This message edited by LA44 at 11:56 PM, December 6th (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I'm really upset, I close my eyes. When I breathe in I say "I breathe in, I am calm". When I breathe out, I say "I'm happy". I do this over and over. It doesn't take the trigger away, but it does make the panic more manageable

Thanks to Thich Nhat Hanh. He's a great source of comfort to me


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 12

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